Karl Fischer is not trying to impersonate me.

[Mangetout]

Got a forwarded email from a concerned colleague just a moment ago:

Subject: dispute of domain name

Dear Manager,

Asia Network is the company of internet services that the domain registration is one of the major online style of our service range. Now we have something need to confirm with you. We hope you to cooperate with us. On Apr. 23th 2008, we received an application from one person named “Karl Fischer” who wants to register some domains([our domain name].asia [our domain name].net [our domain name].org [our domain name].cn [our domain name].hk etc)and internet brand([our domain name]). According to our investigation, we found that domain names have relevance to your company’s name and trademark, so we send this email for you to confirm it. We are dealing with this affair in these days, so we wish to get the confirmation and the assent of your company. If Karl Fischer doesn’t belong to your company and you don’t authorize him to register these domains, Pls contact with me asap in order to prevent some guy from abusing your trademarks and the company names.

In addition, I must state that we have time limited for one person or one company’s registration. It is just 15 days. If your company files doesn’t resent within the time limited. We will unconditionally authorized the application of Karl Fischer. Thank you for your cooperate.

Best Regards,

Bruce
Sponsoring Registrar:
Asia Network

Of course there is no ‘Karl Fischer’, and no immediate threat of impersonation of our company. What they really mean is that they’ve noticed those other similar domains are available, and they want to scare me into buying them.

Fuckers.

So, Fuck you, ‘Bruce’, and may a fully-grown moose climb into your arse.

[Steve_Wright]

I do hope the moose doesn’t disturb Bruce’s grasp of English grammar, because this:

Asia Network is the company of internet services that the domain registration is one of the major online style of our service range.

is, in a twisted sort of a way, a thing of beauty. I look at it, and time and again I almost grasp the meaning, but at the last moment it slips and twists away from me, like a trout in a stream. It’s almost Joycean in its elegant unintelligibility.

[Mangetout]

@Steve Wright

I do hope the moose doesn’t disturb Bruce’s grasp of English grammar, because this: is, in a twisted sort of a way, a thing of beauty. I look at it, and time and again I almost grasp the meaning, but at the last moment it slips and twists away from me, like a trout in a stream. It’s almost Joycean in its elegant unintelligibility.

Thank you for your cooperate.

[Gaudere]

That’s amazing! Karl Fischer was trying to register OUR brand too!

(I get one of those emails every couple months, sometimes with other names and companies in addition to Mr. Fischer, but same thing. It does freak some people out though.)

[neutron_star]

I don’t know why, but I really like this line:

Pls contact with me asap in order to prevent some guy from abusing your trademarks

Maybe it has something to do with the professionalism that’s just dripping from it.

[ArizonaTeach]

Oh, how little you know. In a very short span of years, when we’re all under the harsh internet rule of the true Lord High Karl Fischer (as he insists on being called), we’ll say to ourselves, “Why, oh why, didn’t I register that domain name before it became the cornerstone of the revolution?”

[kidchameleon]

He just wants to test your domain for it’s water content. He’s harmless.

[tdn]

@Mangetout

Thank you for your cooperate.

I burning your welcome.

[Mangetout]

Actually, I might email the guy and say “It’s OK, Karl works for us”.

[Flander]

@Steve Wright

I do hope the moose doesn’t disturb Bruce’s grasp of English grammar, because this: is, in a twisted sort of a way, a thing of beauty. I look at it, and time and again I almost grasp the meaning, but at the last moment it slips and twists away from me, like a trout in a stream. It’s almost Joycean in its elegant unintelligibility.

Wow, you’re right. I though my brain just twisted a bit because I’m not a morning person. That’s strange.

I also like the fact that it starts out sort of scripted and professional, then says, “Pls contact with me asap in order to prevent some guy from abusing your trademarks and the company names.”

This is funny.

[Otto]

@tdn

I burning your welcome.

The welcoming! It burns!

[Airman_Doors_USAF]

Is it time for another go-round as Crandall Spondular?

[Wile_E]

If they can’t get you to buy the domains then they probably plan to use them to spam and they’ll all mass register on my forum. Can’t you just shell out a little to help cut down on spam for the rest of us?

[Merhouse]

All your domain names are belong to us.

[Otto]

@Airman Doors

Is it time for another go-round as Crandall Spondular?

Goddammit, stop typing that name! It sticks in my head every time I see it for days!

[cards]

@Otto

Goddammit, stop typing that name! It sticks in my head every time I see it for days!

Crandall Spondular, Crandall Spondular, Crandall Spondular, Crandall Spondular.

There, that ought to be good for month.

[Wile_E]

@Otto

Goddammit, stop typing that name! It sticks in my head every time I see it for days!

I’ve got Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-rah stuck on my head, wanna trade?

[MaxTheVool]

I used to work with Karl Fischer. No joke. His nickname was “The Vandal”. Also no joke. That seems appropriate somehow.

[Tastes_of_Chocolate]

I love the beauty of using the name “Fischer” in an email like this.

[Xema]

Quite some time ago, my sister worked for a NY fashion photographer named Carl Fischer. (Scroll down for a photo of Arnold, for which she was “stylist”.) Perhaps he’s branched out a bit.