We don’t. So what? Maybe your neighbor has a secret stash too. Maybe your family members! Maybe everyone!!:eek::eek:
Try to remember that kiddie porn has already been found amongst this guy’s stuff.
… and the context was a *single *page of thumbnails printed when he was *14. *everything else re porn which were (according to the OP) full printed pages was relatively age appropriate for a 14 year old. If I had the internet when I was 14 there’s no telling what I might have downloaded and printed out of curiousity or boredom instead of assembling a tattered Playboy and Penthouse collection, because I was tall enough to get buy with purchasing them.
To assemble this inquistion based on the overall context of the situation is insane and borders on hysteria.
We don’t know that it was all he ever had. That could just as easily be what he accidentally left behind when trying to get rid of it or just move it to another location.
I just find it incredibly weird how easily everyone seems to think they can dismiss the chance that he is a paedophile with a stash or kiddie porn, even going as far as use the very clichés that people come out with when they find out someone is a paedophile.
The context is this: Kiddie porn was found.
14 year old hijinks is breaking a window or maybe stealing a few sweets from a shop, not printing out and keeping in a special “private” folder pictures of pre-teens being raped.
It would be equally true to say, “kiddie porn was found in the OP’s boyfriend’s father’s house.” Or if the boyfriend lives there now (or did during the relevant period) you could say “kiddie porn was found in the boyfriend’s house!” and it would be technically true. Are they possible pedophiles? Should they be investigated?
Of course, I’m sure the response would be, “Yes, that’s a technically true thing to say, but given the circumstances, it doesn’t really incriminate them.” And that’s probably true. But the same applies to the cousin – instead of just saying “kiddie porn! kiddie porn!,” you have to look at what was actually found, and the surrounding circumstances, and decide if you actually have evidence of this person doing anything. In this case, it doesn’t sound like the OP does.
We don’t know that the cousin in question is not secretly a pedophile. We also don’t know that you aren’t. But until there’s real evidence that you are, I don’t think either of you should be accused of it.
I think you need to re-read the OP - there was nothing to indicate that the pictures were of toddlers being raped.
You’re jumping to conclusions without any evidence.
Stealing candy and broken windows? I’m not sure what bizzaro, “Leave It To Beaver” alternative universe you’re living in, but I will refer you to post #69 where I describe what I found on the computers of the children of doctors, lawyers and engineers from the mid- late 90s to the mid-2000s when I was cleaning spy ware out the PCs of friends (which I no longer do it’s too much of a PITA). This stuff happens all the time and it’s worse on kid’s PCs because they have no filter or understanding the differentiation between what is “gross and weird” vs being put you in jail illegal re the stuff they are perusing.
Well, the OP did say this, so it does indicate that there were toddlers, being penetrated in some way.
I stand corrected. I did not realize the OP, later on in the thread, clarified what she had seen.
The “evidence” she has that HE is a pedophile is virtually the same that any other RANDOM person on the planet is one.
Hell, I’ve probably accidently seen child porn, and IIRC I’ve never actually GONE LOOKING for porn. Any normal boy/guy that even spends an hour here or there cruising for porn…well I’m damn sure those types have run across it.
Hell, SHE and her HUSBAND saw kiddie porn. Does that make THEM pedophiles?
And how she watches the History Channel without ending up in a mental hospital is beyond me.
Not as much now but back in the '90s it was disturbingly easy to come across really weird shit on the internet by accident. I don’t think I ever ran across any child porn but one time I was looking for information about Coca-Cola and I came across a picture of a granny taking a dump directly into a guy’s mouth. No joke.
I’ll take it one step further. When I was 14, I deliberately went looking for weird porn because I wasn’t sure if it would turn me on or not. Call me a liar if you want, but that’s the truth: at the time, I didn’t know if I was turned on by weird fecal fetishes, bondage, bestiality, or what have you. So I looked for it on the internet, was either disgusted or not, and then moved on. I didn’t print anything out, but if I had, whose to say some necrophilia or whatever wouldn’t have ended up in the pile even though today I’m not interested in any of that stuff.
Ok people. I want to ask you a question here.
Did you all miss this post by me answering JRDelirious?
I DO think it is an isolated incident. I did NOT find further evidence of kiddy porn. I did NOT find banker’s boxes of the stuff. I do however think the porn itself worthy of asking about. For all I know, he has a terabyte worth of the stuff on his computer. This is why we are asking him if he even remembers what was in the folder. We aren’t going to put him under the hot lights. We have NO intention of going to any kind of authorities with it. The first thing we did when we finished cleaning out his room was to burn the paper.
We BURNED it people. Not because it was OH SO DISGUSTING we couldn’t stand to have it in the house one more second, but because we knew damn well that kind of stuff could get him in hot water for the rest of his life. We do not think he IS a pedo. We feel it is our responsibility to ASK him if he has a problem. We are his loved ones. We aren’t asking to string him up people. We are asking to see if he needs help. If, for some reason, it turns out our assumptions are wrong and he IS attracted to children, we will see he gets the help he needs. Hell, even if he turned out to be an unrepentant kiddy fucker we would still love him. I don’t know what we would do, but we wouldn’t stop being his family.
I will repeat again. We DO NOT assume he is. We don’t even think it is likely.
If he doesn’t remember, then it is indication that he isn’t entertaining himself with kiddy porn right now, or even in the recent past. If that is the case, no problem.
Bzzzzt wrong, thanks for playing.
I am not assuming he is masturbating to thumbnails. (And my boyfriend thinks we are perhaps mistaken about what thumbnails are.) The pictures were about the size of half of a dollar bill. There were maybe a dozen on the page?
That page, along with others in the folder of porn were ahem stained in a particularly drippy manner. In the front of the folder there was a large photo of a woman’s lower lips spread wiiiiiiddddeeee open to the viewer. This photo was decorated with a rather large splorch of… something… When I first opened the folder and saw it I was laughing hysterically and threatening to frame it for him, splorch and all. My spidey senses tell me that this MAY, just MAY have been a wank folder.
A wank folder that I would not be surprised nor horrified to find in a guys room. The kiddy porn in it, was what freaked me out.
-
I was not the one who determined that he needed to be forcefully confronted. Neither of us want to forcefully confront anything. It was my boyfriend who determined that we should confront him at all, and I agreed with him. I also suppose “confront” is a bad word. We plan on ASKING him about the contents of the folder privately. Is that better wording for you?
-
Exactly where do you get the stupidity and the hubris astro? Could you perhaps go back and read my posts, this time for comprehension? Neither of us are assuming the worst. We don’t even think the worst is likely. We do however, agree that it would be irresponsible not to at least ask if he has a problem. If we don’t, that bit of paper could color every encounter we have with him. Considering we are all very close, and he is over nearly every day, this might be a problem.
I certainly will not hold a bit of shock porn that a 14 year old downloaded over his head for the rest of his life. The only thing we wanted to know is if it is a current habit. WE just don’t know. Would it be unreasonable to ask him if he had a current problem with drugs if it was a crack pipe we found under the pile of stuff? I don’t think so. Will we know if he lies? Yes. We will. For one, both my boyfriend and I are excelent at reading body language. For two, his cousin REALLY sucks at lying. He can’t even tell little white lies without you being able to tell it all over his face. He turns bright red, looks away, and grimaces while he does it!
Nearly everyone here seemed to get caught up in the fact that I was floored by the kiddy porn. It wasn’t that it was OMG IN HIS ROOM HE IS RAPING TEH CHILDRENS OMG! It was wow, this is the most horrible thing I have ever seen, and I can’t handle it. It wouldn’t have mattered if we had found it lying abandoned in a park, it still would be the most horrible thing I have ever seen. If you would like to see a reply by someone who DID get what the problem was please read the posts by JRDelirious.
And if anyone wants to know what the fall out of this is, we are asking him about it tonight.
For all you know, he has none.
It is not your responsibility to ask him anymore than it’s his responsibility to ask you. For all he knows, you could have a terabyte worth of that stuff on your computer. Most of us manage to live our daily lives without questioning our family members about things with absolutely zero evidence to support us.
Then take the advice of the others in this thread. Let it go; leave him alone.
That bit of paper is going to color every encounter you have with him regardless, I believe. If he’s a pedophile, he’s going to deny it. If he’s not, he’s going to deny it. Magically, you’re going to be able to decide which is which; and honestly, other posters have correctly pointed out that you’re always going to be left with the lingering “was he lying?”
I think that would be unreasonable, as well. If the crack pipe was timestamped such that it hadn’t been used in over a decade, and you have absolutely NO other reason to believe he’s a druggie (just like in this case with the porn), you should let it go.
:rolleyes: A real Perry Mason, you are.
Your choice, of course. But don’t be surprised if it has unfortunate consequences for your relationship with him.
You’re completely making a mountain of a molehill, and you’ve thought about this for way too long. I’m sorry to be so blunt, but you’re being an armchair psychologist and drama queen all rolled into one. Let it go.
I still think it is a mistake to talk to him about it.
You’ve said he directly OK’d you & the boyfriend to go through his stuff - therefore there is no way he remembers the folder even exists let alone that it had that specific page.
However if you or your boyfriend by the sounds of it, is hellbent on talking to him I would like to give you one really big piece of advise. Don’t specifically mention the kiddie porn, or ask “do you have a problem?” Simply bring up the existence of the ‘secret’ folder, and just leave it at “there was some ‘weird’ porn” in there, without going into specifics, or if you must use some of the other specifics from the folder.
If you’re as good as picking up lies and he’s as bad at telling them as you’ve said if his response to the ‘weird porn’ is I don’t remember - I think you can pretty safely drop it.
The reason I suggest this is the relationship can be salvaged if you leave it as ‘weird porn’. If there is no lie, you and your boyfriend can be reasonably reassured it was a stupid teenager thing he did, and the cousin will be a bit embarrassed but will get over it, because he will be thinking you got him with having had some golden showers, bondage, or other ‘weird’ stuff
If you however get into specifics that there was kiddie porn in there as well, he will immedaitely conclude that you think he is a pedophile, and that particular accusation, which it will be with a “have you got a problem” approach will likely destroy any relationship your boyfriend has with him, and depending upon your cousin could have much further far-reaching effects on the whole family.
That’s my 2 cents, So I’m sorry you had to see that kind of stuff, but I don’t see a point in potentially wrecking lives & long standing relationships over it.
Out of curiosity, why would it be an automatic relationship destroyer for us to ask him about it? Perhaps we just have a better relationship with our family than most, but why would anyone assume that asking him this question is going to blow open the apocolypse?
Did you notice somewhere up thread, perhaps even in the OP that I mentioned that we HAD found some kiddy porn? In his stuff? It isn’t like we just decided out of thin air, “GEE, lets accuse cousin of lookin at kiddy porn randomly!” We FOUND kiddy porn, in his room, that he had wanked to. We are assuming it is old. We know SOME of the pictures in the folder ARE old. It was under a bunch of other stuff, we are ASSUMING it hasn’t been looked at for a long while.
We are assuming things that would point to him NOT having a problem.
WHY SHOULD WE DO THAT? What is making you so convinced that if we breathe a word about it to him that it will rip everyone’s relationship apart? Are your relationships so fragile that they could not withstand this kind of question? Ours are not.
sigh The kiddy porn is not time stamped as to when it was last looked at. SOME of the pictures have a date stamp that said they were printed in late 2003. (Not ten years ago) when he would have been about 14. The papers all looked about the same age. Though they weren’t all the same, there were also photocopies in there. These were all put into a folder of like objects (porn). I have no idea when he last looked at it. I only know when some of the pictures were printed.
No, you aren’t sorry. You are simply delighted. I’m not being a drama queen here. If I was, I certainly wouldn’t be keeping this to an anonymous message board. To achieve drama queen status shouldn’t there be at least wailing and gnashing of teeth? I assure you, nothing like that is going on here. Perhaps you think I am a drama queen for having those scenes stuck in my head. Well fine. I guess I am sorry about that. I agreed with JRDelirious up thread in his thought that this was the straw that broke the camels back. This was the one thing that my brain broke down on and gibbered in horror about. I am damn sorry that makes me a drama queen.
As for armchair psychologist? That would be you and a few others up thread. Those would be the people telling me what THEY think is going on in the situation, or furthermore, what is going on in my head.
Just put yourself in his shoes. The mere notion that someone would suspect me of being a kiddy porn wanker would be off-putting, and I’d be pretty royally pissed if someone that “knew me well” would even think that of me – especially over something that’s 10 years old, and that they have no current evidence of. You’re confronting him about something that he most likely won’t even remember, keep in mind.
You make great assumptions, given the circumstances. So work with them. Let it go. You found one sheet of paper, among many, in a “secret” folder from when he was 14. That’s it.
Because it’s really a non-issue. There’s no reason whatsoever to turn it into an issue, but you’re hell-bent on doing so. Mountain, molehill. I have to repeat for you: there’s no information you’ve presented thus far that would indicate that cousin has a current problem that you need to address.
Well, your detective work seems inconsistent. You indicated upthread that the page looked very similar in age and recency of use as the others in the folder, and you know that no one’s gone through that stuff in quite a while.
No, the reason you’re a drama queen is because something!must!be!done! This!must!be!addressed! And you have decided that it simply must be you; for you feel that it’s your place to get involved in something that’s not an issue until you make it one; and when you do, you’ll just know the truth regardless of what he says.
Hey, you’re laying out all the facts. It’s not hard to piece together a thousand different scenarios – only one of which points to the cousin needing some kind of help. And even that one is reaching, given your own multiple admissions that you have no other indicators whatsoever to think there may be a problem.
You saw some horrible things, there’s no doubt of that, and any reasonable adult would find them sickening. But given all other evidence you’ve presented, there’s no reason to think there’s a continuing problem, and I’m not the only one who’s voiced an opinion that you’re just sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong. Many others are trying to tell you that it’s a non-issue and that you should just move on. Not because we have such fragile relationships, but partly because we would just be downright offended from the implications (purposeful or not) even bringing up a conversation like this would have.
So atomic, asking him about this would somehow be MORE damaging than wondering if he has a thing for kids (because we found Kid porn in his room) if a year from now he decides to lead a cub scout troup?
(my bolding)
I hope that I am parsing this wrong and reading waaaaay too much into it. Isn’t that a mighty big leap to make? In your own mind you are equating him to a pedo already
I know you also mention “weird splotches” on the paper, well maybe, but in all my time of wanking, I never remember spunking on a piece of paper and then keeping the paper (I guess I had better aim than that). I could imagine that maybe you might get spunk on one piece, but multiple pieces?
Despite your prostestations to the contrary, it seems from what you have said in this thread so far that you have at least halfway convicted your cousin, and he now ndeeds to convince you of his innocence.
Confronting him may work out, I would give it perhaps a 1 in 4 chance…I just see far more negative outcomes in store than positive. The weight of all your other evidence goes against him being a pedo.
Even a pix “half the size of a dollar bill” is not wank material - remembering that if he printed it out, he would have been able to blow it up or whatever to a full size pix. For me, this is probably the biggest tell - that there was 12 to a page, and no full size pix - if he ws really interested (beyond curiosity) and it was wank material they would not be previews.
Do keep us updated please
I don’t know what would be more damaging to your relationship. As it stands, you believe that there’s a possibility he may have a problem. If you confront him, you then have you and your boyfriend thinking there’s a possibility that he has a problem, and him knowing you think that way.
Honestly, you shouldn’t be wondering about him anymore now than you were before you found this non-evidence. If you were fine with him leading a cub scout troop a week ago, you should be fine now. There’s not the slightest bit of compelling evidence to suggest that your feelings about him should have changed.