My brother called me a few days ago, asking me to check in his safe and find his birth certificate. So I go digging through the safe and find two big black books filled with old bank statements, bills, etc…and porn. Yep, my brother of course keeps his dirty pictures hidden in our safe, so if the house burns down we’ll all die, but damnit, his porn will survive.
I open up this black book, and a bunch of photos of nekkid women spill out. Not that much of a surprise, really. But as I’m shoving back into the book, I discover one picture of a penis (!!!) just stuck in there randomly. Why does my brother have a photo of a penis stashed in with his porn, I wonder? Is it his penis? Someone else’s penis? I dunno. But now every time I see my brother, I half-want to walk up to him and casually say, “So, bro… dick pictures, huh?”
Never did find that damn birth certificate, though.
Oooh, now you have joke fodder forever. If you guys are anything like my family where nothing is sacred from joking. That would go down in history. haha.
Maybe it’s like voodoo. If he puts a penis that he owns (picture, regardless of who’s) in contact with the Gorgeous Ladies Of Wrestling pics, then it’s like he’s doing them, you see…
One time, after a friend of mine passed away, we were cleaning out his apartment, looking for some way to contact his family to let them know that he had died and we found his stack of porno mags. They were all these weird bondage mags with women almost always fully clothed and tied up and gagged. Occassionally there’d be photos with an exposed boob, but that was about it. The women were even tied up in such a manner that any form of intercourse with them would be impossible for them. Never seen anything like it, before or since.
Ages ago a boyfriend was flying to Vegas for a conference and in his paranoid stupor told me to get rid of his “black bag” if anything happened to him. You know…so his family wouldn’t find it.
Well, I mean, I can understand hardcore bondage, I’ve seen ana porn, tenticle porn, beastiality porn, and the whole gamut, really, but discovering the mild bondage just creeped me out, because coupled with the guy’s personality it indicated to me that if he hadn’t died, he would have quickly ended up as one of those creepy old men who cop feels off very young girls in public places.
When my dad died, my sister and I were cleaning out his apartment. The whole place was wall to wall books, of various subjects, mostly history. So, it took us awhile to notice the porn section. Most of the sex books were of the artistic variety. Some could even be classified as historical, like the one with the ancient Japanese illustrations. Those Japenese people sure are limber. There was one, that was a pictorial of a lesbian couple. One of the more memorable pictures featured the two ladies, sitting on the beach facing eachother and using their big toes to penetrate eachother. :dubious:
I think it is a wise decision on his part. In case of a penis disfiguring accident, a plastic surgeon need not guess what his member looked like. He merely needs to send someone (probably you) to the safe and rush it to the hospital.
[Quote=Tuckerfan]
One time, after a friend of mine passed away, we were cleaning out his apartment, looking for some way to contact his family to let them know that he had died and we found his stack of porno mags.**[public service announcement voice]Yes folks, that’s why Porn Pals are so important. You think having a designated person with your power of attorney is important? You think having some one designated to raise your children if something were to happen to you is important? But what if a loved one were to find your stash of porn? Call us - Porn Pals Are Us. Immediately, upon your death we rush to your house and remove your porn mags, dvds, videos and crocheted samplers. Isn’t your peace (piece?) of mind worth it? All this for the low monthly cost of…[/public service announcement voice]
Your Brother needs a Porn Buddy. That’s a good friend who, in case your brother dies or has another emergency that would require relatives to clean out his place, goes to your brother’s place before the family can get there to remove all evidence of porn. Your brother would be his Porn Buddy’s Porn Buddy in return.
Since you’ve already found his stash, it’s really too late – unless you want to be your brother’s Porn Buddy and get rid of the stuff (gods forbid, if the time comes) before your parents see it.
Your brother really should be more careful about where he stores this stuff, because if this is a photo of someone he knows, if your brother were to die the contents of the safe could go into probate, at which point it would be on public record. What if the person in the picture discovers it’s his penis an’ sues?
Oh man, the memories this thread has dredged up. Mom divorced dad when I was but a wee lass of 12, we were helping to, ah, expedite the removal of his items from the house. He had a “private” room where he had all of his stereo, ham radio, and computer equipment, a place where a man could close the doors, forget he had a wife and two children, and drink himself to oblivion every night. One corner of this room was taken up by a fully enclosed wet bar, that had about 8’ x 3’ of cabinetry running underneath the counter. And when we got to that part of the room to pack up, we discovered that those cabinets were absolutely stuffed with pornography and various, errrr…items. I’m talking magazines, videos, sex toys, women’s lengerie that did not belong to my mother, the works.
The whole “collection” filled up five large trash bags. It also broke my mother’s heart, since she had never known about any of it, and he had been witholding sex from her for over two years as a way to “punish” and maintain control over her. Backfired, sucka! Although, the women’s lingerie were just further evidence of the affair that she already knew about.
Needless to say, it was a shock to find out that my father was a bit of a “perv.” I bet he had spent more time with those magazines and videos than he ever had playing with me or my 15 yo brother in our entire lives. Oh well.
A good friend of mine gave my brother a big box of porn when he moved (my brother was about 16 and I was 20) and we used to swap it back and forth. The best part was that we knew where our dad kept his stash, and we began adding weird fetish stuff to it, to confuse him. Hilarious!
You take a picture of yourself, rummaging through his porn collection (the penis pic should be visible). Then you leave the picture in your purse, and ask him to get something from your purse.
I assume the expression will go something like -> -> :eek: -> :smack: -> :o ->
-> :eek: -> :smack: -> :o -> 