I remember those - they were great. I’m sure my mother was less fond of the really cheap perfume than I was - but she had it on her dresser until after I left the house.
The neighbors had a garage sale around Mother’s Day this year and I was the recipent of the ugliest darn garage sale planter in existance - purchased with no prompting and his own money by my son, now proudly displayed on top of the piano.
I don’t know why some kids get it and some don’t. I think I’d start by asking the kid, “So, what are you getting Dad for christmas?” If he says “I don’t have any money” I’d counter with, “well, are you making something instead?” If he says “I hadn’t planned on getting anything” I’d ask why. I don’t think you can “force” a kid to do it, but I don’t think there’s any harm in letting someone know that tradition includes giving as well as receiving.
My SIL dropped out of gift giving a few years back. We still give them gifts. I must say it’s rather odd that someone would be brought up in a gifty-giving family and then stop giving to everyone but her mother (she can well afford it, so that’s not the reason).
I don’t remember when we started, but I remember saving my money for Christmas shopping for my sibs, my parents, and my grandparents. Since I started babysitting when I was about 10, I’m sure it was at least then, and probably earlier. I know several times, we’d pool our meager funds to get a nicer gift for Mom or Dad.
I also can’t remember when I started it with my daughter, but her elementary school had a “shopping day” where the kids could buy all kinds of little things for under a dollar each. I used to take her shopping, too, for Grandma and Grandpa, when she was 6 or 7 - maybe younger. I agree with **WhyNot ** - once they understand getting, they can understand giving.
I’ve given gifts to all my family as far back as I can remember. My parents would take us shopping and give us a small amount of money. My little sister (who’s 12) has done the same. It’s just something we’ve always been expected to do.
I remember going to one of those “kids-only” places at some 8ish age. I can’t imagine who brought me there, it must’ve been sort of an accident, because the whole concept had to be explained to me and then, after getting over the shock that some kids bought presents for their parents and feeling like a selfish little brat for never thinking of it, I didn’t have any money!
I take my kids to the dollar store, give them some money and tell them to buy a present for dad and brother. Then I tell my husband to take them to buy me a present. I’m sure given enough time this would occur to him on his own, but I’m not letting him get the kids out of bed 11pm on Christmas Eve.
I decided a long time ago that there’s no point in getting all worked up about a man who can’t keep the calendar in mind. I simply inform him repeatedly in the clearest possible terms that Mother’s Day, my birthday, Valentine’s Day, etc. will be coming up in two weeks, in one week, in two days, tomorrow.
If he doesn’t have the experience of watching as his family members open something he’s carefully picked out for them in hopes of making them happy, he’s missing out on one of the major joys of Christmas.
I don’t have kids of my own, but I can tell you how it was in my family growing up: it was just naturally assumed that everyone in the family got something for everyone else. When I (and my brothers) were very young, my parents would just buy and give stuff to everybody in our name. As we got older, we’d help more and more in picking stuff out, and in paying for what we got (for a while, the rule was that, for any gifts we got for family members, we’d pay half (out of our allowance money or whatever) and Mom&Dad would pay half).
Anyway, my reaction to the OP is, yeah, your 12-year-old son really ought to be giving something to his Mom and Dad (and siblings, if he has any), but why would you expect him to think he should if you haven’t established the precendent any time during ages 1 through 11?
I agree completely. I have often had “Christmas” with my far-flung siblings in January or February, because that was when we could be together. I am happy to wait months for the opportunity to exchange gifts in person. It’s communion.
Sigh. I’m learning that this is one of the challenges of having an only child. You never get a second chance to correct your mistakes in childrearing. (I could go on endlessly about all the things I coulda/shoulda/woulda done differently.) I haven’t established a precedent. I wish I had.
So, too late now to set a precedent, but perhaps not too late to instill something new.
A friend of mine with four kids said that she felt like her oldest was kind of like the “first waffle”…you never get that one right.
As an oldest child, I’m not sure how I feel about that, but I will point to (without actually citing , too lazy) all those studies that show that first and only children are more successful, etc. and youngest children (for whom their parents should’ve worked out all the childrearing kinks) have a reputation for staying the “baby” long past adulthood.
Counterintuitively the inexperienced childrearing of first time parents seems to do oldest kids some good (that or they have less brain damage from the ravages of older siblings)
And as far as “precedent” goes, when I search my memory banks, many of what I consider “childhood” memories are really from after the age of 12. I find that for my kids it takes about 2 repetitions of any event for them to say "We always… (decorate the tree dressed as elves, get ice cream after soccer, skip bath), so it’s pretty easy to establish a “tradition”