I’ll leave aside the issue of getting such a suggestion on November 5th.
When Xmas or your child’s birthday is approaching, do you ever instruct persons likely to give your child a present as to what present they should give? Or is my sister just nuts?
No. I will if asked however. “What is Leafdaughter into these days?”
I would never, ever just come out and suggest something. That’s being more than just a little presumptuous, not to mention ill-mannered.
I don’t instruct, but if I’m solicited for suggestions, I’ll provide them.
This year for TheKid’s birthday and Christmas I did specifically state no presents, please, but cash to help pay for drivers’ ed and for spending in NYC (Choir tour in March). The family usually does ask what she wants/needs, so it’s no big deal. They will give her cash, but I expect her to also get a plethora of small gift cards.
I have no known children, and have not been served with process in any paternity suits, so this is hypothetical.
Disclaimer aside, really can’t see myself going "Hey, Gramps, Oakson really wants a [del]fifth of bourbon[/del] (insert child’s widget here) for (insert event here). If Gramps asks what Oakson might like, I’d offer suggestions. If any gift is given, Oakson will thank Gramps politely. Whether Oakson is allowed to actually use whatever the gift was, and if so, under what conditions, remains a matter of parental discretion. Oakson won’t be allowed to play with his shiny new chainsaw until he’s a little older, for example.
My family always asks. We’ve been doing that for years, ever since I was a kid and we had a lot of little kids in our extended family. Nowadays, the number’s dwindled, but everyone still asks. Then there’s a lot of messages back and forth with everyone telling the others what they’ve bought so we don’t have duplicates.
The kids who live far away and can’t make it for the celebration usually get gift cards.
I’m not asking whether you ask what the kids want. I’m asking if you present people with a shopping list without their asking. Or go so far as to say, “Skaldimus, get Item X. I’m telling Big Sister to get Y and Lister Sister to get Z so my child has a complete set.”
Nobody really asks, because it’s tradition in our (extended) family that each family will provide the rest with a wish list for both adults and kids. We do a gift exchange- all 4 siblings and their spouses buy for our parents, and we pick names out of a hat to determine which sibling and sibling-spouse is to buy for which other sibling or sibling-spouse. Also, each sibling and their spouse buys for all nieces and nephews.
To cut down on the guesswork, we all send around the wish lists and come Christmas morning, everyone’s happy, if maybe a little unsurprised.
Only if they ask. And they always ask. I wish they wouldn’t, though. I’d rather just not do wish lists and be surprised.
I totally read it wrong. I send a mass email to everyone saying this is their wish list get what you like and here are their current clothes and shoe sizes. And then let them fight amongst themselves.
This is much better than the system we had for my husband and me. Every year his parents would ask for a wish list, I would produce one for me and he would send it along…but they wouldn’t say what they were getting me (even to him) so I had to make a whole new list (of stuff I wanted less) for everyone else. <sigh>
Also better than every adult on my list who has given me nothing to go on at all. Even for their spouses and children. It’s making me all Grinchy! (So, I will shop early and be over it for the big day.)
I will give specific suggestions to my family, but we have a long-standing policy of it being assumed that such suggestions are welcome because otherwise we all end up with gifts we don’t want. For example, this Christmas I told my parents to get me a Kindle, and they told me to get them a GPS. (Yes, we could just not exchange presents at all, which would be a lot easier, but my mom doesn’t like that.) and I told them the Little One needs pants and long-sleeved shirts but NOT dresses.
However, I would never do that with someone for whom this is not well-established policy (e.g., my husband’s family). I tend instead to give a lot of hints about what I like about presents they’ve gotten (“Oh, a real book! Oh good – she has so many board books but not so many to read once she grows out of those!”) and say nothing about the ones I don’t like.
I will, if asked, gladly supply the link to my children’s Amazon wish lists. They can put anything they like on there, which also saves me the hassle of trying to remember what they want, and stops whining in the store dead. They know that they won’t get everything on their wish lists, but they can put as many items as they want on there.
I understand your sister’s impulse to eliminate waiting in line at the return counter, but it still seems rude to me. I’m firmly of the belief that you thank everyone for every gift and then sort it out later on your own if you have duplicates.
The year my son got an XBOX 360 was wonderful/awful, in that we went to a grandfather’s house first, where he got to games for a system he didn’t know he was getting at the next stop! What a trooper…he very politely said thank very much I’ve been wanting this game, with no mention that he didn’t have a system to play it on, and then went and cried a little in the bathroom. He told me privately that it was very sweet of Grandpa, but he’d have to take them back to exchange them. You should have seen the look on his face three hours later when he got the system to play them on! 
Wow. Have you hit on a sore spot for me! My sister has always given her Christmas list early in November. When her kids were born, theirs were sent, too. Then she enlists mom to call and make sure that you are getting everyone something from their list. There’s also the annual “how much are you going to spend” on this person or that person. (That’s so they spend the exact same amount.)
I got an attitude about it years ago, and refused to buy anything off any of her lists, period! I prefer to put a lot of thought into a gift, and am proud of the fact that people like what I get them. (Except for my sister. :D)
We had a falling out a few years back, and one of the things I enjoy the most about not speaking to her is that I don’t have to deal with those damn lists!! (Or the birthday parties she throws for her husband. But that’s another story.)
My siblings and I don’t exchange gifts (even for our kids) and my extended family does the gift game thing, so it’s only my parents & mother-in-law who buy us & the kids gifts. My mom ALWAYS asks what we want and I usually give her a few suggestions, but not a written “wish list”. This year, I bought the kids something special that’s conducive to “accessories”, so I tried to very nicely say, “If you’re wondering what to get the kids, I have some suggestions,” before she actually asked. I wouldn’t ever do this with anyone but my mom, though, and she appreciates it. She asked me to write down a detailed list so she knew exactly what I was talking about.
No. Generally people ask and I will tell them. She’s a very easy child to buy presents for, though; liking art helps a lot.
My ex’s family mainly buy my daughter presents related to the Beano (a British comic) and they’ve all expressed relief to me that they don’t have to worry about what to get while knowing that she will still appreciate it.
I not only use my daughter’s wishlist the same way, but my own too, and my ex-GF’s family do for her Amazon wishlist too.
The downside of this is one year when I didn’t have an Amazon account and she did, and I was studying for a course with a huge reading list. To make future searches and purchases easier, I added them to my GF’s wishlist. Come Christmas, my GF was presented with loads of these books - which I had already bought anyway.
Suburban Plankton’s side of the family has always wanted a Christmas list. It used to be for everyone until finally we agreed not to exchange gifts for the adults. Our son is the only child in the family and they still want a specific list of things he wants, so we give them one.
For my side of the family, they usually just want to know what he’s “in to”. They get genernal info like what book series he’s reading, what music he likes and yes, he’s still collecting chess sets.
My Dad ALWAYS asks what I want, so I come up with a list of random things I want but have yet to get around to buying for myself. He also asks about Velociraptor so I give him ideas (broad strokes, not so much specifics eg Loves Lego, he mentioned he wants this set but any will do) and heads up on what he already has and I think he kinda passes it along to others.
I just sent it off to him tonight because he asked me the other day. My birthday is coming up PDQ here so he felt the need to ask.
Otherwise… nope. No one asks. Nana sends a cheque and I buy stuff for Velociraptor with it and put her name on it and tell her what he got/how much he liked it and make him write a thank you card. Cheaper than her buying and sending across the country.
Every year we discuss just taking is easy for the adults, and it’s really not a lot of stuff but Dad always asks me. It’s nice because then I don’t get another porcelain doll, which I stopped collecting when I was 19…
I give unsolicited suggestions to the grandparents for Christmas and birthdays because I know, in no uncertain terms, that they will be buying gifts, and I also know they have no damn idea what to get.
Anyone else who sends a gift is a delightful surprise.
Another one for “only if they ask, and they always ask”. I also always ask for suggestions for the niecephews. I have thirteen nephews and four nieces, so this help is very welcome…
I am a cursed woman.
When, I ,myself am asked what I want for Xmas and I elucidate, " How about a couple of turtlenecks in plain colors so I can wear them every day…" and I get the dreaded holiday turtlenecks with santa and reindeer all over them, it is a WTF that happens ever Xmas. WHY DO YOU FUCKING ASK ME WHAT I WANT WHEN YOU DON’T GET THAT GIFT? IT IS NOT THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS WHEN YOU REPEATLY DO SHIT LIKE THIS. IT IS A FORM OF GITMO TORTURE. No, I don’t need knives, pots, pans or other assorted kitchen gagets, TYVM. What do I receive those years. Knives, pots, pans, and other assorted kitchen gadgets. EVERY FUCKING YEAR. SHIT I HAVE. I have more knives than a fucking assassin. Don’t just ‘mean well. Do well.’
So, when the inlaws (MIL and SIL) asked a few years ago what would I like my son to get for xmas, I was LEERY. He was really into his leappad stuff and had a ton, so I made a list of what he HAD and typed it up and wrote on the list THIS IS WHAT HE HAS ( in large red letters italicized and underlined.), anything else you pick will be fine.
He got everything on the fucking list. on.the.fucking.list. So I had goddamn duplicates to return.
I almost punched the fucking wall.
When I calmly asked them if they “had the list I gave them” it was produced immediately as evidence to prove that I was as asshat. I asked them to READ the top sentance. Yanno, the one that is in red and in large fonts. Two of them read it aloud.
( one is a first grade teacher with a masters) and they both went " Ohhhh…well…you can return it and get what you want."
Christmas is a slice of fucking hell for me. Fuckinghell.
This is why I give gift cards.