We had to kill my cat, Caligula, today. (Black cat with a white chest and white feet; called Caligula for “little boots”.)
His kidneys and liver were both failing. He’d only get sicker. So I had him killed.
I’m not looking for sympathy, and don’t intend to get too sentimental here. But it’s MPSIMS, so I can share something mundane without having a point.
I acquired him as a tiny, feral kitten. When I was mowing my ex-wife’s lawn, he snuck in her garage; we found him deep inside a big bag of dogfood. I took him home; barely-weaned furball, eaten alive by fleas. I’d never had sole responsibility for an animal before. I got some worming medicine and flea shampoo, and washed him in the sink, where he looked small enough to go down the drain. As I got off the fleas (and blood), I promised I’d take care of him his whole life.
Which I did. A very nice female vet knocked him out with anaesthetic; I hope it felt like settling down for a long nap. He was in my hands when they injected the peribarbatol; I felt him exhale for the last time, and then he lay still.
Embarrassing to get this emotional about a cat. But he was my close companion for 11 and a half years; longer than any woman. I spent more time with him than with almost any human; never had a cat stick so close to me. Every day he was there at the door when I came home, happy to see me. He had a musical trill I’ve never heard anywhere else.
I don’t know what else to say, except that I think I’ll miss him every day of my life. He was my friend.
I’m sorry for your loss–I had to make that decision for my much loved dog this summer so I know what you’re going through. It does get easier eventually, but you never stop missing them… Safe journey, Caligula, you are obviously loved.
If I may, (and I only do because I read your post and thought about it - hard), I think you’re using the word “kill” instead of “put to sleep” or “euthanized”, because what you had to do really hurt.
It’s “naked” honesty and there’s not a damn thing wrong with it. Call it what it is, you did what you had to do and you relieved a lot of pain in the process.
Still, you will be in my thoughts because I know you will miss your friend.
I hope it’s okay that I wrote this and that you know I didn’t mean it in a bad way.
I’m sorry for your loss. Of course I will sympathize with you, losing a friend, even a cat, is a very emotional event. I’d be more worried if you didn’t hurt over it. It sounds like he had a good life with you.
I just want to say that I know how you feel - we had to do the same to my girlfriends’ cat, and I had become very attached to him. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, even though I know he was suffering. You have my sympathy.
So sorry for your loss, Baldwin. Your story made me cry. I hope your cherished memories with Caligula comfort you now and eventually bring joy to you for a long, long time to come.
Oh honey. I know how it feels. I had to do it to my 16(ish) year old girl just this Saturday morning.
I’m not sure I believe in god, but if I did, I know he’d smile on those who take in the tiny furballs and protect them for the rest of their lives. You did a good thing for that kitten, he repaid you with love and you repaid him with the kindness to put an end to his suffering.
Don’t be embarrassed about missing him, or even crying. As you said, he was your friend for 11 years. I think that’s worth shedding a tear for.
Too right. It’s not much more than a year since I was crying my eyes out over a furball that I used to cuss out for stealing food or bringing dead things (or live things) into the house. But it gets easier after a while.
Agreed about how it shouldn’t be embarrassing. A professor of mine back in grad school taught about interpersonal relationships (as part of social psychology), and she said that she cried more over her beloved cat’s death than she did about the passing of an aunt who she rarely spoke with or saw. Besides the love you feel, she also interacted with her cat every day, multiple times per day, and said that when your routine gets disrupted like that when a loved one is gone from your life, you’re thrown off and keep thinking about how things are wrong and will never be the same. So don’t be embarrassed - there are all sorts of reasons why this is affecting you, some of them less sappy than others.
I own ferrets - well, ferret now - which can be too short-lived at times. My little one is 7 years old and has both adrenal disease and insulinoma. Thankfully for now they’re controlled by a monthly Lupron shot and twice-daily oral prednisone. I’ve had to bring 4 previous ferrets in to the vet to be put to sleep, and my husband was so affected by the illness of his favorite that he could only sit out in the car while I went in. The vet told me at that time that often, this is the last gift a loving owner can give to a beloved pet, the end of pain that an animal cannot understand or bear.
