I tried very hard & for a good long time not to post this. It hurts. She was an amazing and loving cat who chose me to bond with. I shared a portion of my dinner with her whenever we had steak or chicken. When she wanted more, and if I was ignoring her, she would jump, bounce off of my shoulder, and then land on the ground pretending that she didn’t do that.
At 2AM, she’d climb up on my chest, go flat & purr. I can still remember feeling her heart beat against my chest as she purred, and I’d always gently rub her ears. I remember thinking, “May everyone at least once in their lives be so loved as to have someone crawls atop them @ 2AM and purr. (Even if its a pet.)”
When she became ill, she laid flat on the cold basement floor w/o making a sound. I rubbed her ears and her tail would weakly sway. I picked her up and put her in my lap, but she cried and moved; she didn’t want me holding her at the end. I put a bowl of water by her head and went to work (I had to: no show means resignation there). She had passed by the time I got home.
I was very upset by this, but I was really trying hard not to let the loss cripple me. I dug a grave in the back of my yard (you really need a pick to get through the hard-clay over 6 inches down) and I buried her. She had a great personality, a Great smile, and I miss her.
I know that I have toyed with getting another cat, but I know that I’ll never have one who loved me back the way she did. It honestly is so very rare in this world… and I Really Did have it once.
I’m very sorry. Losing a beloved pet is so tough. I’ve always been the type to need a pet around, but it’s understandable if you think you might always be unfavorably comparing them.
In Kipling’s poem “The Power of the Dog”(you can substitute cat if you want) he speaks about how we know we are setting ourselves up for sorrow when we love a pet, but we do it anyway.
Maybe the having of it is worth the losing.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Friday was the feast day of St. Francis of Assisi, may your kitty’s memory be blessed.
I’m so very sorry for your loss, Count, but note the wisdom in Helena’s words. Losing a loved one, no matter their species, is never an easy thing but allowing yourself to love and be loved is something that should never cease.
Yup. New pets are never replacements; how could they be?
Yet a week after we had to bring in our last ferret to be put to sleep, my husband and I were feeling the emptiness of the house so acutely that we caved in and went out to get two (deeply beloved by us) rabbits who are an absolute delight.
Mourn how you need to. But if you want to give some love to a very different pet who is in no way a substitute, then consider opening up some room in your heart and home.
Did you know that one of the reasons I post here is because the Dope offered me an outlet for my own grief when my beloved Mao passed away?
You can read her story here, but be warned that it’s a very emotional post. There’s no shame in tears, but they aren’t always appropriate for one’s surroundings, either.
Anyway, the point is that Helena’s words are true. I’ve had 4 other cats since then (2 are still with me now) and they all have been as big a part of my life as Mao was, even if the nest they made in my heart was shaped differently than hers was.
I’ve been fortunate to have them in my life, all of them, and I only ever hope that they feel the same way about having me in their lives.
So sorry for your loss. It’s something most of us have experienced, yet somehow we gather the strength to go out and adopt another. I look back at all the kitties I’ve shared my life and love with over the years, and each one was unique and irreplaceable. Yet I grew to love the new ones just as much . . . until it’s their time to leave. We love them, and lose them, and move on to love again . . . knowing full well that we’ll be heartbroken again. So give yourself as much time as you need to mourn, and don’t think in terms of “replacements.” You can love a new one without losing the love you still have for the last one. Love is cumulative and unlimited.
To have been well and truly loved by a cat, to have been that cat’s person by her choice, is really a feeling that can’t be described. And it hurts horribly when they are gone, I know. I’m so sorry she had to leave you but she certainly knew she was loved, and she loved you in return. It sounds like she had a wonderful life with you.
So sorry for your pain Count. Whenever I lose a cat I get another one. My arms ache for a cat when I dont have one.
Such a pretty cat she was! I love tuxedos!
Do you know the Rainbow Bridge poem:
"Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together…
Author unknown…"
It helps to cry.
ETA: @ Bo - I had a Siamese named “Mao” too! She was so smart she could speak her name (frequently!!)
I have a pair of black and white boys from the same litter. They are my guys. Yesterday morning I was hours late going into work. I own my own shop and used as justifaction that when I woke up up I had one nestled into the crook of my legs and the other across my tummy. ( I don’t think I ever typed the word tummy before…) One or the other the other using me as a human heat sink is common, but both at once was such a rare occurance as to allow me to turn off the alarm and stay in bed so as not to disturb them.
Earn a livlyhood? Pfffffffft, don’t disturb the little balls of fluffy goodness.
I dread years from now when one or the other gets old, I’ll be a basket case.
Yep, you prob will, but I reckon you agree its worth it for all the years of cuddling and cuteness. Ive been thru the losses many times but I always get another cat as soon as possible. So many need our loving!
