On Friday I had to send my wee Sally over the bridge, at age 20. Had her from a kitten; spent the last few months watching her decline; took her to the vet for a peaceful, gentle goodbye when she still had a bit of herself left, wasn’t wholly lost to her body shutting down. Better a week too early (though it wasn’t) than a day too late.
And then? How to deal with the grief of loss? Well, that’s a question we all who have and cherish pets face, isn’t it? How do we cope? Do we seek another pet right away, or is it too painful? Does having another pet still ease the transition?
I know that, for some people, the loss is too raw for them to take on the life of and love for another animal, at least for some period of time, and I respect that; we each grieve in our own way. But for me, that is not the path I take.
In my case, I do have another cat, Freddie Mercury, a solid black ten-plus shelter boy I adopted some months ago. But I’ve always liked having multiple cats, and for me, the way to deal with Sally’s loss was to go back to that shelter and adopt another senior. All my adoptions over the last several years have been of older, medically needy cats; they need a soft landing for their last few years and I love being able to give it. My latest adoption, Bruiser (hey, cauliflower ears from hematomas and gigantic double paws; how could I not change to that from the shelter’s “Gerald”?), a former stray, skinny, arthritic, needing grooming and feeding and meds, was just what I needed. And just look at that face! How could I not adopt him?
After our last cat of 20 years had to move on, we did nothing towards finding another pet for about two years. As things often happen, our present cat found us instead, and she’s been with us for over ten years now. She’s slowed down a lot in the last two years, and has to use cat stairs to get on the bed, but is still interested in her food dish.
I don’t think I could have another cat after losing Merlin. The circumstances at the end of his life were bad, I think I did a bad job handling them and maybe I gave him up too early. He had kidney disease and I think dementia. He was unhappy all the time. By the end he had completely destroyed my house. I didn’t realize how much of an effect that had on me until I had a clean place again.
I loved that cat so much and I still miss him and I wish I had a chance to do it over. I just don’t know if I could do it again, both emotionally and logistically.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Given what you describe, I’d say you did not give him up too soon; his being unhappy all the time must have been so hard on him as well as you. I made the mistake with one cat of trying too hard to keep him going when, looking back, he clearly was ready to go and I was only prolonging his misery. I swore after that never to make the same mistake again, and my vets agree with me.
I hope some day a cat shows up and insists on adopting you.
The way I deal with pet loss(face it, we gotta do it many times)is focus on my other pets.
If that’s not enough go pet babies. Kittens and puppies at the shelter.
It helps like you wouldn’t believe. Gives you hope.
You know you can’t have them. Well, you could, but you won’t. There’s a magic thing babies of all species do. Probably a brain thing.
And I’m sure it’s a heart and soul thing.
ETA Bruiser is magnificence of the feline variety!!
OMG, those feet look like tree trunks! What a handome boy! And I’m with you on saving the older animals. I just adopted a sweet 11 year old mutt with arthritic legs and a joyful disposition to live with the 5 cats.
But the thought of my pets outliving me is terrifying, which is why I won’t get a puppy or kitten. I have provisions in my will for them, but of course there’s no guarantee they won’t end up in a cage (or worse).
Exactly. I’m in my 70s now and that’s one reason among many I take on the old ones; I don’t want them to outlive me, even though I’ve made it clear they’ll go back to the excellent shelter I’ve adopted them from.
Those feetsies!!! I wanna play with them. (though, I assume this photo means he has extra toes, with extra claws… so that might be risky).
We had 2 cats, 35+ years ago. Cat #1 had feline leukemia when we got him from t he shelter, which meant that when we got cat #2 (abandoned by neighbors of a friend) we had to have him stay near the friend for a few extra weeks until he got his immunizations.
Anyway, #1 lasted 2.5 years with us, and declined fairly fast due to his illness; I think we did the right thing, timing-wise, in lettiing him go.
Unfortunately, I had developed pretty significant allergies during that time, so offering a home to another needy kitty was not a possibility. Good on you for honoring Sally’s memory by giving Bruiser a forever home.
I doubt you’d be at risk; the vet tech clipped his claws while I was there and he made not the least bit of fuss about it. He’s the most laidback cat I’ve ever had, though perhaps he’ll have more energy when I get him fed up to a decent body weight. But his basic temperament is calm, quiet, and friendly.
Yes, I adopted four-month-old orange tiger rescue brothers and named them Eddy, Teddy, and Freddy, way back when. This Freddie Mercury was named by the shelter, and since I’d already had a Fred, I call him Merc, The Merc, or Mr. Cat.
We lost our 13-year-old dog in February. Our other dog was only three, and didn’t do well alone, so we set about looking to adopt a buddy for her, which we did in April. So, it wasn’t so much that we thought we needed another dog, so much as we thought our remaining dog did.
@Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker – Getting your younger dog a new friend was a good idea, dogs being such pack animals. Some cats want to be the only cat; some like to have cuddle piles.
@DrDeth I always stay with my animals when it’s their time; even did it during COVID lockdown when the vet’s office didn’t normally allow owners inside with their critters.
I have to have more than one cat. The idea of grieving for a cat in a house with no cats in it feels like more than I could bear.
Also, most of the cats need another cat around to wrestle with, cuddle with, and for mutual ear-washing (though one of my four I think might be happier without.)
– Bruiser in the first picture looks like he’s thinking ‘Yikes! I’m being taken somewhere! I hope I’m OK!’
Bruiser in the second picture has clearly concluded that everything is fine.
I wasn’t going to get any more young cats.
Then a not-yet-two-year-old showed up on my doorstep mewing to come in. Weather report for that night was below zero F.
Two years later the similarly-aged young tom who’d been hanging around outside for several months without letting me near him decided that maybe I could be trusted and also announced that he wanted in.
I do have them provided for.
I always have.
I was worried when one was leaving during covid, but she went so gently that she was able to go at home.
Thank you for doing that, and I’m so sorry your Sally has left you. It’s so hard, even when it’s right
I’m afraid my consolation for the loss of a furry friend is more friends, though I tend to add to my herd before a loss. Well, to be honest I just can’t imagine having only one cat, I’ve had many multiples for so long. My most recent additions are a superbly sweet and friendly new momma and her 3 kids. I found her under one of my husband’s project cars, totally freaked out and with a screaming newborn at her feet. All four have melded well into my crew. The kittens are 9? weeks old now, and will probably be staying. I had one interested person but they had to back out, so …
(The addition of momcat Hester, Moose, Russell, and Stubbs brings my house cat herd to 16 )
I’m in for a sad time soon though, as I have 3 who are over 18 years old. When their days come I will be with them to send them off with love, and then go home to my furry crew for comfort and purrs.
I also need to get my ass in gear about a plan for my herd for the future. I’m 62, so it’s quite possible that I’d be making that last vet visit for one of the current new kids when I’m 80. It’s a damned sobering thought.
We recently lost our dog back in April. Mrs. Odesio had long expressed that we would most definitely not be getting another pet ever again because she didn’t want the grief of losing another one. In the weeks after we had to put our dog down, I would sometimes find myself suddenly thinking to myself that I needed to check on the dog or take him out before I’d remember, no I didn’t. While I don’t have those moments were I need to check on him anymore, I sometimes think to myself that I don’t have to worry about getting home anytime soon.
I don’t think there’s any wrong way to grieve. If you want to get a new pet right away go ahead. If you don’t, don’t. Whatever you feel is right is right I think.
And I’m sorry you lost your beloved Sally. Twenty years is a hell of a run but it never seems long enough.
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