We had to put our faithful mutt Tammy to sleep in early December. We adopted her as a puppy when I was seven years old. She was fourteen years old.
My parents are now starting to look at local shelters for a new dog. My mom set a deadline for herself: she wants a new dog by her birthday at the end of June. She wants someone large-ish and an adult (because my parents figure they should leave puppies for families with kids; kids should have puppies). They’re not taking my joking suggestion of a St. Bernard or Newfoundland seriously, because they want a large dog, not a gigantic behemoth and 200 pounds worth of lazy drool. My mom is partial to greyhounds. Dad’s thinking more of a lab or retriever.
I feel a little bit annoyed at this. She’s enthusiastic about it. I’m not. Partly maybe it’s just because I’m not there, but it’s mostly because it’s only been about six months. When you’ve had a pet for as long as we had Tammy, how can you even think about replacing them so soon? I still get a lump in my stomach whenever I see a picture of her. I don’t remember how long after the loss of my mother’s old dog we adopted Tammy, but I’m pretty sure it was at least a year. It’s stupid, but I can’t help but feel it’s almost disrespectful to be leaping into it so soon.
This is definitely mundane and pointless, but I just need to get it off my chest. My mom’s pretty excited about it, so I don’t want to bring her down - plus, it’ll be their dog, since I don’t even live at home anymore, so who am I to complain about what they do?
After the loss of a pet, you should get a new one as soon as you feel comfortable doing so. I’m sorry you don’t feel comfortable, but obviously your parents do, and since you no longer live at home, their feelings obviously trump yours. If it helps, you can try to think of it not as replacing Tammy, but as trying to give another dog a wonderful home, since your parents are capable of doing so.
My condolences to you on the loss of a pet you obviously loved very much, however. I know it’s not easy. I’ve cried almost as hard over the loss of pets I never lived with as I have some of my own, and since you lived with Tammy for most of your life, I’m sure you were devastated.
It’s been a decade, and my parents have not replaced our cat–for reasons of practicality more than grief*. But I’ve known people who got a new puppy within weeks of the death of an aging dog. For some people, grief for a beloved pet is best dealt with by building new memories with a playful pup.
*When one has a pet and wishes to travel, one must make arrangements for the care of the pet. Much easier not to have to do so.
Absolutely. Some people feel it is heartless to even think about having another pet; others feel it is in a way a tribute to the previous one, that you want to have another. After all, if Tammy had been a rotten, evil dog, would they want another dog?
Besides, shoppin’ ain’t buyin’. It may take them a while to fall in love, and your mom may not make her deadline. That’s OK. A dog is a commitment of many years, as they well know, and taking home the first pretty bitch one sees is not necessarily a prescription for ever-after. Let 'em look. It also will give them an outlet to talk about all the good qualities Tammy had, and that is good.
My cat Elvis, whom I’d had since he was a baby, died at age 19 in January of 2007. I started looking in July and got The Most Excellent Kitties, Zebulon and Jezebel, in August – just about six months.
Yeah, different people grieve differently, and at different speeds.
Some people deal with grief over pets by getting a new one. Some people need to wait. Their choice shouldn’t be considered mean or disrespectful, any more than your need to wait should be considered excessive or extreme. Just different needs and means.
I would strongly disagree with your mom about puppies, though. Kids and puppies are often a horrible combination. The puppies aren’t big enough to hold their own against the kids, and haven’t learned the ‘walk away and hide’ trick that most grown dogs do.
There are other perfectly good reasons for getting an adult dog (housebreaking!), but not that one.
A new dog acquired after the death of an old one is not a replacement, but rather a successor. I wish I could remember the exact quote I read once, but it was from the perspective of a dearly departed dog and was something along the lines of, “It’s a tribute to me that you want to continue to share that love with another of my kind.”
When you’re a dog person (or cat/ferret/horse/whatever person, I suppose, but I speak from my own perspective), you get wrapped up in those daily routines, and it’s mighty hard to give them up when the pet is gone. I wouldn’t last very long without daily feedings, walkies, snuggles, games, etc.
When we had to have our Aby put down, it was just a matter of days before we were perusing various cat rescue sites. We really missed having a cat in the house. We found Taz listed after a couple of weeks, and the day we met him, we brought him home.
I still feel sad when I come across photos of Brandy, but her time with us ended. Time with Taz has just begun. And honestly, had it been up to me alone, I’d have come back from the shelter with an armload of kitties… My spousal unit was the voice of reason.
We had to put our old dog - Daisy - down earlier this year - in late Jan or early Feb I think. We started looking for a new pup within a couple of weeks thereafter, and brought Clover home the 1st week of March.
There was no thought of replacing Daisy, but my wife and I were stricken by how much we missed having a dog around the house.
My daughter who was in college thought it was too early to consider getting a new dog, but we weren’t getting a new dog for her.
My girlfriend at the time had a dog that was killed by a car. We initially thought it would be terrible for her to get another dog “so soon.” She was in grief and thought, “What dog could ever replace that one?”
However, a friend told us that, although it seemed counterintuitive, you can and probably should get a new dog sooner than you might think. We then went out and got her a new puppy after a few weeks of the death of her other dog.
My girlfriend was surprised and happy that she was able to take in a new dog and share that kind of love with her new pet rather than dwell on the constant void and grief of losing the first dog.
I agree with the statement above. Don’t think of a new dog as a “replacement.”
I’ve had lots of pets for long periods of time (10-15 years) and it’s always different when they go. Most of the time I waited to get a new pet. But the last time we tragically lost a dog (hit by a car in front of our house in the middle of a Christmas party - talk about a bad way to end a party), we got a new one within a couple weeks. It just felt right - we had two dogs, the oldest was the one hit, and the young one was barely a year old. I loooove this dog, she’s hands down the best pet I ever had, and something told me to call the breeder we got her from. As it turned out, they had a litter of pups from the same parents. It wasn’t much of a choice to go get one, and it’s worked out great.
We were a little hesitant because it had been so quick, but it really felt like the new puppy helped with the hole that the loss of our other dog left.
As others have said, the timing is different for everyone.
A few years back, my husband and I had one ferret remaining from our previous group. She was older and had a heart problem, but was doing well on medication. She was a “daddy’s girl”; she liked both of us but adored my husband, preferring to play with him when given the option, and he thought she was one of the best ferrets we’d ever owned. The two of them even played a game together that she apparently had “rules” in mind for; it involved a game of chase with a specific “finish line” that she would do a victory “dance” if she got past him and crossed it, plus it had a particular starting point for her that she would make an excited “chuckling” noise about if he carried her towards it.
We decided to get a new ferret to help keep her company. Sadly, this new ferret was a carrier of an intestinal “bug” that the older ferret had never been exposed to, and it ravaged her system. My husband and I brought her to the vet, and he was too broken up to even get out of the car. I brought her in, and stayed with her through the end. After I got back into the car and we cried a little more, we soon started talking about the young ferret we had at home now, and how scared she had appeared at her older friend’s dramatic illness, and we both realized that for us it was the exactly right time to get a new ferret. We drove straight to the same pet store and got another ferret, perhaps even from the same litter. We didn’t make a mistake.
I know how hard it is to get past the loss of a pet. I’ve had several ferrets and had to deal with their deaths in turn, as their time came. The ferrets we own now are not replacements, they are definitely successors.
This is a highly personal decision. I can’t imagine not having a dog in my home for as long as I am able. Others cannot bear a repeat of the grief when they leave way too soon.
I guess that’s kind of what’s going on. My parents and I are all definitely dog people, but we’re just dealing with it differently. I’d like to eventually have another dog, but it just feels way too soon.
Come to think of it, a big reason why we got Tammy was because my mother’s ancient (he was…17? 18?) black lab mix died, and my parents very firmly believe that having a dog is great for adults, but having a dog when you’re a kid is practically essential.
sigh The world would be easier to live in if dogs lived as long as humans.
As everyone else has said, it’s not a replacement. Tammy can’t be replaced. But your mother isn’t used to coming home to a house without a dog, to not having that friendly warmth at her feet as she watched TV, or hanging out in the kitchen hoping something accidently falls from the counter. That emptiness begs to be filled.
Let me tell you about Siddartha, my Afghan hound. I had him for 13 years. After his death, I had horrible dreams where he’d walk into the house and go right pass me without even looking at me. This was a one-man dog. His life revolved around me. He’d never ignore me. Three months after his death, I got my doberman/pointer cross Kate. The night I brought her home from the Humane Society, I dreamed that Sid walked in and put his head in my lap (he loved to have his silky ears stroked). And I never had the dream again. Sid said goodbye. It ws time. Sid hasn’t been replaced - that was 20 years ago and I still tear up when I think about him, but love goes on.
Edited to Add: Your mom has also probably been emotionally preparing herself for Tammy’s passing for some time. She has probably been grieving for the last year, knowing time was short.
Ask the dog or cat at the shelter who’s next in line to be euthanized because somebody waited a few days too long to adopt them.
I give the highest consideration to the needs of those that are still living. I can continue to grieve for the beloved passed-away pet (in fact he’s cremated, right now sitting up on that high shelf he used to love so much) for as long as necessary, while getting to know and love a new addition to my family.
Six months seems like a more than reasonable amount of time to me. A friend of mine’s parents loss their 15-year-old dog about 5 weeks ago. When I saw her mom the weekend before last, she had a puppy she was going see - now that’s too soon.
Will this new dog be a working dog, or strictly a companion?
I have a few friends that each own a considerable amount of acreage and they view dogs more as livestock than best friends. But either way I don’t see the problem with buying a replacement dog immediately after your last one kicks it, and I like dogs more than humans.
