While the OP’s son just sounds like a five-year-old, this bears repeating. I have ADD and I was able to focus reasonably well in school and now at work, but I don’t focus very well on non-structured things even now; on my days off I don’t get much off the lists of things I want to done because I get overwhelmed by wanting to do everything at once and end up doing very little. It took a long time for my parents to realize that I had focus problems too because they were comparing me to my brother who didn’t focus on school, either.
Anyway, if this doesn’t naturally resolve itself in a year or two, having him tested is probably not a bad idea, but ask around to find a doctor who had patients they didn’t diagnose with ADD/ADHD too because there are some that label every kid who comes through their office. A FOAF is trying to get the autism label put on his son removed from his preschool records because he found one of these over eager doctors who turns out diagnosed every kid he saw with autism or ADD.
One book you may want to look at is Why Gender Matters: What Parents and Teachers Need to Know about the Emerging Science of Sex Differences His thesis is that kindergarten worked for boys when it was about socialization, now that it has become more like what we knew as first grade it may be developmentally inappropriate for many boys. Boys and girls get different skills at different ages. Boys get language skills later than girls. They get spacial relationships much earlier but part of that is that they explore their space. They need to be moving around for their brain to be learning what it was wired to learn at that time. They will be able to do the sitting still thing a little later, if, that is, they haven’t already been so frustrated by school they shut down. An extra year of kindergarten could be good for him if you can help him avoid believing it was him failing, and rather that the first time was just practice.
Ah, yes and yes and yes and yes +++ for my 8 year old. Well, except for the Turkish Prison part - you don’t want to know what I had to do to bribe that guard…
So what are you hinting at? Because I’d love to know why we sometimes have to go over AGAIN why we moved. Two years ago. Or why I sold the car I had when he was 3. Or why his girlfriend in kindergarten thought he did X when he did Y. Or why I have to hear for the 394084357th time about his favorite chosen subjects on earth to the point where I’ve had to say “I’m glad you are passionate about this but you are going to have to stop talking now for a bit.” With the understated *because you are driving me insane.
And yes, he can be quite logical. That goes out the window sometimes, admittedly. But trying to correct his behavior is like dealing with a rules lawyer that is playing a game of “gotcha ya” - and he really can get me!
So please, internet diagnose my boy so I can know if I need to get him checked out.
ETA - he would have to set himself on fire to make more of a show when he gets hurt. Serious: drama queen material sometimes. My dad almost took him to the ER one time for a bump on his tongue. Yeah, you read that right. A bump. On his tongue. ER.
Reacts to pain by shrieking and running around like a madman for a minute.
New settings are hit and miss really. Sometimes he will act shy, other times he will jump right in and go.
Changes are hti and miss as well. He does have trouble letting go of things, like the scooter he had that was too small, and whose platform was broken that was thrown away Saturday. He could still use it, so he did not want to get rid of it.
He does put things together very logically and forms ideas, but conversations are hit and miss. This morning he was very upset because his sister accidentally “destroyed” the garage he had made for his cars. When told he could just build it back, he immediately said he could not because he did not have the instructions. He has no problems coming up with drawn out and elaborate scenarios when playing either. I guess we consider this fairly normal because his big sister is pretty advanced.
Our elementary school started something last year. We have a male first grade teacher. They put the most challenging kindergarten boys in his class - just the boys - no girls. He keeps them through first and second grade, then they reintegrate into co-ed education (and presumably, he’ll pick up a new class of first grade boys). They want to see if single sex education makes a huge difference. He’s instituted “boy” learning into his classroom - lots of moving around and touching - but he’s also instituted a lot of “boy” discipline - they are expected to be polite in class and learn appropriate behavior.
I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. But its an interesting experiment.
I’m subscribing because I really want to know what Shirley is talking about. Also, I wasn’t clear about one thing: the kid I described is my 8 year old. The one that has trouble staying on task is the 5 y/o but he is about as “typically boy” as they come. He’s the one that I have said would run headfirst into a tree just to see which would break first.
The 8 y.o. is the one that fits the description. One of his “obsessions” is drawing. If I don’t stay on top of cleaning things out our upstairs will look like an episode of hoarders. He woke me up this morning to show me the stuff he got up early to create and draw (action figures he invented). They’re pretty good, but man, there’s a ton of them!
I also recommend The Trouble with Boys: A Surprising Reportcard on Our Sons, Their Problems at School and What Parents & Educators Must Do by Peg Tyre. Your son might be a little young, but the book discusses how boys respond differently to certain teaching methods than others.
They frequently have odd speech. They don’t talk like other children their age and have trouble relating to other children.
In my experience, Shellibean, your 8-year-old sounds pretty normal. LOTS of 8-year-olds have the mouth that won’t quit and use it to talk about their favorite subject: dinosaurs, Pokemon, transformers, etc.
In my experience, Asperger’s kids have obsessions that tend more toward the odd and age-inappropriate range. Some real-life examples I’ve known are constantly reciting the musical “You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown,” a six-year-old talking incessantly about Ancient Roman history, and a little boy continually pestering his peers about the details of Windows 98.
My middle son started kindergarten last year at age 5. Around Thanksgiving I made the decision, along with his teacher and principal to pull him back into Pre-K for a second year. The reasons were much as you’ve described, restlessness, inattention, problems with group time. This year’s Kindergarten run has been drastically different. He’s matured enough that a lot of those problems have mellowed if not vanished. I’ve always told him his brain was ready–because like yours, he’s rather quick–but his body just needed a little time to catch up. I’m glad I chose to hold him back, and at this young of an age there’s really been no stigma.
There tends to be a parental instinct that says that their ability to keep up intellectually is the most important thing, and that having a four year old kindergartner - or a kid who graduates from high school at 16 - is something that you want. But you can’t ignore the physical and social readiness parts of the equation. There is nothing wrong with an eighteen year old college senior, or a kid not starting college at nineteen - if the difference is the physical and emotional maturity to handle the things that aren’t Algebra and Thomas Hardy.
Another +1 here - he sounds completely normal, and IMO you’ll likely do more harm than good by over-intervening.
One thing I will say is that, judging from my own experiences, putting boys into school young is a (minor) mistake, as they are simply less mature than girls the same age, and for boys Size Matters. Take it from me, being the smallest boy in your class every year for your whole school career is a Bad Thing.
The other point I’d make is to have him engage in physical activity while (or around) learning as much as possible. It really helps boys.
