Kindly remove your loudmouthed ass from the door of my office so I can leave.

The BBQ Pit
1

Oh, how I dislike this man.

Why does he choose to tell me whatever mundane activity he participated in over the weekend, while standing in the doorway of my office, right when I’m about to leave, speaking with such profundity you’d think he’s fucked Jessica Alba? Honestly, does he think anyone gives two shits about how many “Harry Potter” books he read in two days? The look on his face when he plants his dumb ass there makes me think he’s discovered a cow that craps gold.

Not only is this the most boring and oblivious man alive, hes a hypocritical stubborn bastard network admin who gets confused whenever he sees a computer with even slightly different settings as his. Why would anyone configure their machine differently than his? That’s ok, he’ll change your settings for you!

Thanks a lot asshole. In the future, though, kindly stay the fuck away from my computer. I’m a programmer, see, we know a thing or two about computers, ya hear? I do not need your help.

He’s not my boss. So why is it that he decides he wants to stop in to “check out what I’m working on?” It’s not like he has even half a clue as to what I’m doing, nor does he understand any programming language, so what the fuck? No, don’t touch the PDA, please, I’m afraid you’ll fuck it up. Yes, I know you can turn off synchronization. No, I don’t care. No, don’t show me how to do it. NO! It wouldn’t have even been a problem if you had kept it out of the cradle, or, better yet, kept your stupid ass OUT OF MY FUCKING OFFICE. I HATE YOU.

(deep breaths)

…I think I’m ok now.

2

I once worked with a guy like that. The rest of us made an agreement that if we saw he had cornered someone, we called that person on the phone so they’d have a reason to break away from him.

3

Welcome to the SDMB, Algorithm, and bloody good rant!

4

“You know, I’m really busy and I’ve got to finish this…”

: insert a nod toward your monitor or paperwork here :

“…before…”

: take your pick of a pressing event: this meeting / lunchtime / I leave for the day / my boss heads out and he’s leaving early / the client has a coronary :

“…so why don’t we chit chat later? Unless you needed something?”

: insert expectant but brief look :

“…No? Okay, well, then I’ll see you later, pal.”

: At this point, make an obvious head or body turn which signals to obnoxious intruder that you’re done engaging him :

5

hey is this guys name James perchance? I’m thinking it be my long lost brother and if he is… well… shit you can KEEP his ass!!