The only problem I’ve had with my hair is that when long it does not go with my chosen subculture - “'fro-Goth” just doesn’t work, I know, I’ve tried. Terrible when two cultures clash like that.
But - I’d never straighten it - not because I’m against treating hair like an accessory, but because of the damage it does to the hair. I can understand hair’s dead and all, but it can be damaged.
So I either keep it short, in 'rows or in dreads, depending on how long it is. At the moment, short with a quiff a-la Tintin, although the nature of my hair makes the quiff decidedly more upstanding. Means I save on hair wax, so it’s a win.
I suppose it depends on how you wear your hair, but daily combing and brushing is not good for curly hair. Especially the brushing, which can cause severe breakage. My hair is fragile at the crown, and combing it too often would damage it.
Now, if you can tell someone’s head is full of snags and tangles, that person should reconsider their grooming habits. But I don’t think daily combing and brushing is required for a nice-looking head.
AdoptaDaughter (14 yo) has hair very similar to you with the face and we’ve been encouraging her for several years to stop fighting her hair and embrace it. It’s been an uphill battle that’s only recently had a glimmer of victory when she wore it down and natural to her band recital. Several of her friends, including some key guys she thinks are cute, complimented her on her beautiful hair and since then she’s worn it down several times.
Frankly, it’s been challenging to convince her that longer, healthier, curly hair is a better look for her when most of her peers are straightening their hair, even though it’s broken off to above shoulder length and looks damaged as a result of all of the chemicals that have been used on it. Even tougher is that her hair looks equally nice when she straightens it with a flat iron and her friends ooh and aah and ask her why she doesn’t wear it like that everyday. If they only understood the long term damage applying that much heat to her hair on a regular basis would do! The fact that she doesn’t use a lot of chemicals and heat regularly is why her hair has grown so long and healthy looking!
Yes, actually, I do have an opinion. Don Imus’ radio career should end, and the sooner the better.
Oh, you mean about the hair?
Well, among the many vocations and avocations I pursue, I am the arena announcer for the local junior college basketball teams. I’ve been impressed with the creativity with which the black women (they’re from all over the world, so I don’t use the “African-American” designation) on the women’s team fix their hair for games. Understand, they are under some pretty strict rules – no beads, no combs, etc. – and they want a do that’ll keep their hair out of their faces and up off their shoulders. I’ve seen some pretty stylish hairdos on the court.
Off the court, black women students tend to use different hairdos from day to day, as if expressing how they feel on any given day. White female students tend to adopt a style and fugeddabouditt. I’ve concluded from this that black students (at least the women) are more comfortable expressing themselves.
White chick with stick-straight, fine, thin hair here.
My experience with black women and their hair is that of a mega-big corporate environment. My observation is that they view their hair as a changeable accessory, much like the white women. They wear it natural, braided, beaded, straightened, woven, colored, short-cropped. The only difference I’ve noticed is that the women with the more elaborate 'dos tend to wear them for a longer period of time, which I attribute to cost and the ungodly length of time it takes to create the look. A black woman on my team, however, changed her look quite frequently, and even used head-scarfs as a fashion accessory; covering her head completely to compliment a particular outfit. I think the options are great. I wish I had that much leeway with my hair, which looks like absolute hell if I let it do what it wants to do naturally. Which is “nothing.”
Kalhoun, I adore head scarfs, and I have many colorful ones. And I also love the girls that change up their styles day to day…long braids this day, short spikey do the next.
I won’t wear weaves, so I am fascinated with the many ways they express themselves daily by changing up styles, from long to short.
I’m particularly fond of the very short-cropped look on some women. With big earrings and necklaces…I find that look very attractive. You need a good head, though.
No, I don’t “mean well”. I don’t consider myself the fairy godmother of cultural advocacy. If I see a stranger with an attractive feature I will probably continue to compliment it regardless of my own ancestory. (Go ahead, ask me for a picture and a quick family history.) I have the opinion that naturally textured hair is beautiful and can be far more beautiful than the tortured alternative. I would like to understand why you feel that my opinion is either worthless or a veiled insult. Would you elaborate, please?
I’d trade you, but at the end of the week, my new hair and I’d be long gone. My hair’s natural right now, partly because the alternatives are too much of a pain, literally and figuratively. Like amarinth, I never got on the re-claiming bandwagon (I also spend a lot of time being the token black person, maybe that’s part of it) and growing easy to care for hair would be a plus. If you go to any messageboard on black hair care, you’ll see post after post of people looking for ideas on how to jumpstart hair growth, or to strengthen their hair, complete with long lists of regimens they follow to get healthy hair (conditioner washes, hot oil treatments, protein treatments, grease (ick) using sating pillow cases, putting the hair in plaits before bed, washing only on the full moon, and so on). I think an afro would be fun to have for awhile, but I just want to be able to let it grow, have the style till I tire of it, then chop it off. Unfortunately, it’s not that easy for some people. Every curl is a weak point. Comb too hard or too often, and it’ll snap off. Wash too often and it’ll snap off. Slather crud in it, then you’ve got cruddy hair, (and it still might snap off).
It can be annoying, and I don’t feel like a self hater for saying that. I’m only speaking now about my personal experiences, feelings, and what I’ve seen/heard from my own extended family. Not all black hair is the same, and the experiences of others will vary. Yadda yadda.
I don’t know about ‘re-claiming’ either, Omega. When I went natural, the scales had fallen from my eyes. Due to finallly learning about many cultures, broadening my horizons, I finally was able to break free of anti-black messages that had been pumped into my head.
At first, I wanted everyone to go natural! But my militant side mellowed, and I learned that even relaxers, weaves, braids, fros…all of those are a part of a culture that we created.
When Madam CJ Walker invented the straightening comb, it is true (i think)that most black women did not value natural hair.
But we (many black women I know) have changed a lot. Imagine my delight when I found out that even Japanese girls are rocking our weaves and elaborate hair styles! All the way across the ocean, our little subculture is invading!
It seems that when I clicked on the link that you with the face sent me, I backed out pretty quickly. I am not interested in a “natural is the only way to be” kind of environment. I think my big fro is nice for me. I love my daughter’s dance teacher’s short natural, I love my friends braids and also my co-worker’s relaxer. It is a relaxer that is Black hair relaxed. It looks or behaves nothing like white people’s hair. She would never wear a Tyra Banks wig. That is some Hollywood propaganda, and it does not reflect the black American women (that I know).
I am not silly enough to think that we don’t still have issues. I can see by my being the minority on this board with these views that it is still a huge issue.
But I think I am fortunate that I have seemed to luck into being in some sort of hot spot (Upstate NY…who knew?) that is starting to overcome those issues quicker than other areas.
Also interesting to read in this thread how many white people also appreciate black kinky hair. That is great, considering how many commercials try to sell us the idea that flowing straight hair is the only acceptable hair.
I don’t see this in terms of trying to be white. I think you’re projecting that into my posts, but that’s not my position at all. Yes, relaxed black hair is not usually styled to look like white hair. It doesn’t behave like Caucasian hair because it’s not Caucasian hair. It’s chemically straightened kinky hair and behaves like it. But so what? The kinky texture has been modified into straighter stuff, is my point. Kinky hair is not as highly esteemed as straighter hair, is my point. Kinky hair is often equated with nappy hair, is my point. Emulating white hair, is NOT my point.
Do you understand what I’m saying? I’m not even making a value statement about people who have a problem with their kinks. It can be a handful to manage. So I don’t see why this reality should not be acknowledged.
I linked you to the other website not to persuade you into thinking that there is just one way to be natural, but to show you that my opinions about the kinky hair stigma are not exclusive to people with non-kinky hair, as it seemed like you were saying. I’m sensitive about the implication that I’m just going off my own biases against hair texture that is not my own.
Ok, you with the face, I better clear some things up now.
One, I am grateful for your input. Your posts are informative and better written than I ever manage. Thank you.
I do believe that those that don’t have thick, kinky, black american hair, have some misconceptions about what those of us that do have that hair think about our hair. I believe that. It is no slight towards you.
I started this thread, because I believe that black women in America deserve respect, and I believe that people are less likely to respect those that don’t respect theirselves.
I believe there is a myth that most black women don’t love and respect theirselves, and wallow in self hate.
I don’t have a problem with you though. I am sorry I seem to come off that way. I appreciate your view very much.
Hmmm…log me in as another white girl who grew up in a place where African-Americans were just another common ethnic group, like Jews or Hispanics only less exotic. I always admired the beautiful things they could do with their hair and how free they seemed to be able to change it. Nobody told me there was any politics associated with any of it (except for the statement of the Afro) nor how hard it was to create and maintain these looks–my Mom was also getting perms regularly and I used curlers and irons on my own hair, so mechanical manipulation may have been more common in general.
And if it makes Nzinga Seated feel any better, I was also raised to value everybody’s looks pretty equally–even among us white kids there were almost no blondes, our dolls in school were all different colors, and my textbooks had kids of all colors and different names. Of course, this was the Commie hippie godless NYC of the 60s and 70s, so YMMV.
And a racially charged one at that. I had no idea.
I’m sure at least part of my confusion comes from Shawn Fanning - the creator of Napster - so named because of his nickname “Napster” because of his nappy hair. I’m pretty sure that Shawn is a white guy. Now, I’ve read other places that Napster was named because of someone napping or some such; however, when Napster first came out, I saw an interview with Shawn Fanning and he indicated the reason for the name was his “nappy” hair.
Anyhow - now I’m horrified at the thought that I may have mistakenly offended someone by referring to their hair as nappy. I may projectile vomit.
Alice
Fish belly white girl who covets her boss’s 12 year old son’s fabulous 'fro. (He’s gracious enough to let me pet it when he’s in - it’s so soft!)
My experience was largely the same. My school consisted of Caucausian, Mixed, African, Latin, and Melungeon, and Asian cultures as well-except I grew up in Appalachia, not the big city melting pot as we all know it. This area has long been populated with settlers from the Ukraine, the Mediterranean, and Ireland, and the Eastman Chemical Company in a neighboring town has brought in mutiple nationalities since the 30’s. Interracial tensions here though not unheard of- are rare. And in my experience no particular race owns complaints about hair texture or any other physical attribute. Thank you for starting this discussion, **Nzinga **. No one has successfully convinced me that I should refrain from admiring curly hair of any origin, but I have learned that women in general can be in equal parts catty and defensive. I hope this dialogue changes that.
I’m at work and my laptop is on the fritz- copy and paste isn’t working. Scan back through- a couple of posters made it clear that complimenting curly or black hair is at best unwelcome and at - worst crossing a line. I just find that ludicrous- the human condition is difficult enough without drawing imaginery lines between us. Hair care may not be universally easy-but beauty is universal and unique. And for the permed woman who recommends chemically or mechanically straightening an afro- well that woman is a bitch, and ancestory or personal preference is no excuse. Homogeny is neither a viable nor attractive achievement.
(And now I’ve lost backspace, too. I will check back in once I get home tonight- pardon the errors.)
Wow. I always thought you with the face was a guy! Whoops!
I’m another white girl who grew up in a place where there are just about as many black people as white people. I always kind of envied the black girls for their freedom of fake hair styles - one day they’d have braids, and the next day they’d have a blue shellacked kind of look, and then they might wear a wig! If I want to change my hair it’s a big deal, and I don’t have nearly as many styles traditionally open to me. But I don’t really know very much at all about the care and feeding of black hair; I always figured that natural styles required a lot of upkeep to keep them looking healthy. So my question is, what’s “peasy”? Could somebody post pictures of “nappy” versus “kinky” and explain exactly what “peasy” hair would look like?
PS - there’s a girl on one of the computers right now with one of those super-cute short afros - you know, the kind that’s maybe an inch or two long? She’s got a green scarf around it, too, and it’s just so cute I want to run up and touch it!
Peasy meant that kind of pepper corn look that our hair would get around the edges when not combed.
Nappy meant natural hair that was not well groomed. (think Don King)
Kinky was thick natural Black American hair that was not ‘loosely curled’ the way our hair sometimes can be, especially bi-racial people.
Kinky was often valued in my experience. I am not claiming there weren’t plenty of black women that didn’t have issues with hating thier natural hair.
I am claiming that in my experience, a head full of thick, healthy, well groomed hair was and is thought beautiful by black women and men that I know. It was not called ‘nappy’. But it sure can get nappy! I break many combs! I am strangely proud of that.
I hate my hair.
I always admired the beautiful things they could do with their hair and how free they seemed to be able to change it. Nobody told me there was any politics associated with any of it (except for the statement of the Afro) nor how hard it was to create and maintain these looks–my Mom was also getting perms regularly and I used curlers and irons on my own hair, so mechanical manipulation may have been more common in general.