Kinky Hair (black folk's hair)

In My Humble Opinion
1

I hijacked the hell out of the Imus thread, (A question for the anti-offenderati) over in the pit, and I appologize.

I decided to start this thread instead.
There are some misconceptions I have had about my people, (black americans) and our attitude towards our hair.

Basically, I have always believed the following. Please bear in mind, that I can only speak of my own experience. A 32 year old lower class black woman born and raised in upstate NY. (frequently traveling to NYC)

  1. Yes, we as a people have ‘issues’ with our hair, which I attribute to brainwashing that comes along with being black in America. We were taught that straight hair was the only acceptable grade of hair.

  2. ** Yes, there is the ‘good’ hair ‘bad’ hair theme in our community**. Those with hair with a looser curl were considered blessed with good hair.

  3. Yes, many, many of our women have succumbed to the pressure to have straight hair by getting relaxers, wigs and weaves.

However; the following things I have not noticed in my community, and I have always assumed it was a misconception that whites held!:

**A. Kinky hair and nappy hair is the same thing. **

This has not been my experience at all. In my community, little girls with afro puff pony tails were fauned over! If they had groomed, greased, brushed afro puffs, they were told how they had “All that good hair on your head! Look at the good head of hair!”

Nappy hair was considered unkempt. We called it ‘peasy’. We would say, “You know you need to catch those naps in the back of your head.” Once the head was groomed though, we didn’t make the person feel bad for having natural hair! On the contrary; hair that was ‘virgin’ was hair that had no chemicals in it whatsoever and was therefore thick, full and healthy.

B. All black women with weaves and relaxers are ashamed of their natural hair.

I used to think this was true. When I first cut the relaxer out of my head and went natural, I was very militant. I thought that all women that didn’t have natural hair were self-hating. But now I realize that while most of these women still have hair issues, many of them see hair as a changeable accessory that they can display in many ways. Weaves are rarely even made to look like ‘white people’s hair’. It is often kinky braids that are put in. Sometimes even big afros are ‘weaved’ into short, relaxed hair, so that the girl can experience the natural hair that she doesn’t have.

C. Black women are disparaged by the black community for having kinky natural hair.

I have not experienced this at all! I get compliments on my big, kinky fro all of the time. Now, if I went out of the house without it combed, and let it “peasy” up close to my head without taking my hair pick to it, then yes, people would say, “you better comb that nappy stuff!” But when I leave the house well groomed, I have never gotten anything but compliments!

And my hair is not “mixed grade” or “loosely curled” or any such thing. It is Kinky and thick and fluffy!

Monstro and You with the face have enlightened me very much in the other thread. Any other opinions?

2

<INDIA.ARIE>
I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am not your expectations no no
I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am a soul that lives within
</INDIA.ARIE>

I don’t know about preconceived notions white people may have. The only one I have is that I’m mildly jealous of hair that stays whre you put it. I want cornrows, and not the 1970s Bo Derek kind, I want the kind that are in a pretty pattern on my head and end in tiny braids that get “folded” up into a sort of French roll with sparkly hairpins in it. My white-girl hair is straight, fine, limp and utterly boring. I don’t even know if it CAN be cornrowed, but there are a couple salons in town that I may actually call and see if any of them want to take on a white girl.

3

I was going to post this in the Pit thread, but I think this is the better place for it.

You younger people in that thread had me shaking my (relaxed) head. I wanted to say 1971 called, and it wants its argument back.

“1971?” you say. Yeah, that’s the year my mother was soundly berated in the ladies room at work by some self-righteous sistah, for not wearing her hair natural. My mother’s lack of a 'fro apparently made her a traitor to the race.

Sometime later that same year, my mother decided to test the waters by trying an Afro. My grandmother’s response to this follicular experiment:

“Now I know you’ve gone crazy!”

The lesson learned by my then 11-year old self?

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

Thirty-six years later, it is kind of mind-boggling to realize that people still think this stuff is this important.

I’m not ashamed of the natural texture of my hair; right now, I just like to wear it in a style that requires the “creamy crack” to maintain. But when I think of the older woman I’d like to be, maybe 10 or 15 years hence, I picture myself with regal, graying dreads, kind of like the late, lovely Rosalind Cash.

4

This is something that a lot of people find hard to believe. Like I said, I didn’t believe it either, when I first got all militant and went ‘natural’.
I think some white people and many blacks with “loosely curled hair” think it is impossible that blacks are not consumed with feelings of inferiority about their kinky hair. Is it possible that calling us ‘nappy headed’ doesn’t hurt us as much as they thought it did? Is it possible that many black people are starting to really love themselves, in spite of anti-black beauty propaganda? I think so!

5

I’m a mutt, as are my brothers and sister, and out of all of them, I got stuck with the black people hair.

I’m the lightest out of all of them, I just look like a white guy with a really nice tan. But the hair, I loathe the hair with a passion. It’s nappy and afro-y. I’d trade anything for straight hair.
Oh, and pretty blue/grey eyes. That’d rock too.

6

Good for you for starting a thread, Nzinga!

I think we talked at length about this already, but for the purposes of this thread, I’ll restate my experiences.

When I was a kid, once you reached a certain age, it was expected that those cute little afro puffs that you had in kindergarden would be replaced with straight hair. Hair was at its most presentable when it was bone straight and tame. Kinky hair that did not lay down flat or hang was considered unkempt because it looked nappy. Your hair was not considered groomed unless its natural texture was undiscernable. It had to be masked somehow with chemicals, heat, or by the way it was worn (i.e. in tight little braids or stretched into a bun).

You’ve mentioned how uncombed hair is often pegged as nappy where you’re from. Uncombed hair is nappy, and that’s because the kinky curls simply have been allowed to act as kinky curls behave: curly. That doesn’t automatically mean its ungroomed though, but this may be the point where our opinions diverge.

I don’t believe in absolutes. Not all black women who relax or wear weaves are anti-kinky hair. But the mindset is prevalent enough that it would be wrong to flat-out say its a myth that black women are ashamed/afraid/unaccepting of their natural texture. I don’t believe we’ve gotten to the place where black hair is simply a “changeable accessory”. If that was the case, there’d be a lot more black women wearing their kinks and curls proudly instead of always straightening. Natural hair may be common in NYC, but in most areas its not.

We must be looking at different weaves, girl! Most weaves I see are straight. Most black actresses and singers wear some type of weave, and its almost always long, flowing tresses. Beyonce, Tyra Banks, Oprah Winfrey, Ciara, Nia Long, Jada Pinkett, I could go on. Those that wear weaves that mimic natural hair are outnumbered, in my experience, by those that mimic non-afro hair.

I have seen this happen enough that I can’t say this one is a myth either. Sometimes the “disparagement” is subtle. “Why don’t you get a perm?” is usually the way its expressed. Other times its not so subtle.

I think the distinctions you make between “groomed” and “ungroomed” hair may explain why we’re saying different things here. In my experience, emphasis on grooming, grooming, grooming often tracks rather closely with the straight-is-best aesthetic. Kinky hair does not behave like straight hair. Kinky hair that is left to its own devices and shows a certain curl pattern is often labeled nappy, in a perjorative sense, because it looks unkempt and ungroomed to people who believe properly groomed hair always lays flat.

Scorn is heaped on people when they don’t conform to this aesthetic and choose to let their kinky hair be as free from manipulation as possible.

7

I must say, this is some Hollywood stuff, right there, and not at all what I see at work, school, the streets, or the club. Those weaves that Tyra wears are alien to me. Truly, I have never seen a sister wear one like that.

I do see plenty of straight weaves, but they seem to be the kind of styles that white people can not wear. They are basically relaxed black hair in texture…not white hair at all.

As far as groomed vs. ungroomed hair, no…nappy hair is not what my hair just does. It is what it does when ungroomed. If I pick it and grease it and groom it, it is fluffy and soft. Not peasy.

And to speak to braids and buns and such…those are perfectly valid as natural!! It is something that only natural black kinky hair can do really well! Straightened stringy hair does not braid as prettily in the opinions of black Americans. That is why we need “extra kinky” grade hair weave when we want super long braids.

you with the face, is your hair loosely curled? Or the very kinky hair more typical of Black Americans that are not biracial?

8

This statement really concerns me. In no way, is my hair straight. Ever. It should be well groomed, however. I hate to see unkempt hair, when one is out in public. It would never occur to me that whites hair should be that oily way it tends to get when unkempt, with tangles and matting.

I am starting to wonder if you yourself have certain rules that natural hair must meet in order to be considered truly natural. “left to its own devices” kinky hair does what all hair does…become ungroomed and less attractive.

This is making me wonder if we come from the same experience with this…which is why I asked if you have naturally kinky hair, or more ‘loosely curled’ hair.

9

“Nappy headed” and the opposite “stringy-headed” are insults, and there is no excuse. Natural hair is wonderful, gorgeous, sexy, and shows a self-confidence that tortured hair does not. Black hair in the natural state never appears ungroomed to me; it does not hide the face, displays bone structure, and nearly always compliments the wearer. My long, straight hair hangs in my face constantly, has to be brushed out of my eyes and untangled from my lipgloss, and has to be twisted and tied up to look halfway professional. (Sorry, don’t know my actual ancestory- a couple of recent adoptions in the family line obscured all the facts. Some version of mostly white, but with medium to darkish skin and pale eyes.)

Anytime I see a huge afro or tight, natural curls I assume that the wearer is proud and confident (and rightfully so) and neither in some state of either denial or making a deliberate race-centric statement. I just assume the wearer knows how flattering the look is. But I am biased: my lifelong obession has been ethnic hair of every race. I am the girl who will follow an afro, a shaggy hairstyle, cowlicks, crazy red, black, or brown kinks until I get to see the wonderful face attached. My fantasy is to buy a professional looking camera in order to gain the apparent credentials to take pictures of random strangers just for the sake of their gorgeous, natural hair.

I would never encourage anyone who has obviously straightened, permed, rolled, or tortured their hair to display exactly the opposite of its natural state; clearly anyone who has gone to such trouble meant to try something different, and the results are usually lovely. But I will profusely compliment any man, woman, boy, or girl who just lets the stuff go wild. I grew up in the 70’s when afros were stylely, and loved the revival in the last few years, and also love the shaggy cuts that young men are wearing that is full of awesome kinks and cowlicks.

I will always find people who know how to be themselves, and who don’t cover up freckles, change the texture of their hair, or hide unusual features with voluminous clothes or tons of make-up more attractive than their counterparts who intend to homogenize my country.

10

Well, I was like you Nzinga. I used to think that every black woman with straightened hair was anti-natural and self-hating.

Now, I’ve realized that it’s about what works for you. As I said in the other thread, my older sister sported a perm despite longing for a natural hairstyle that suited her personality and corporate culture. She didn’t despise kinky or natural hair at all; she just didn’t know what to do with her hair. And to be honest, if I had her hair I would probably have the same dilemma, because her hair requires more maintenance than mine does. And I’m very very low-maintenance.

I didn’t go natural out of any self-love, Afrocentric motive. I was simply sick and tired of my hair. I am a hair-puller and having long hair was literally making me crazy. Going natural was a by-product of me chopping off my hair, as well as sheer laziness and lack of desire to have a “look”. So there was no political consciousness guiding me in my decision.

But I would be lying if I said that it’s stayed purely apolitical. My identity has become wrapped up in my hair in a way that it did not when it was straightened. Ironically, when my hair was straightened my “blackness” was never questioned. People mistook me for being mixed (as in, biracial parentage), but never thought I wasn’t black. But once I let my hair be free and wild (yes, wild), I became racially ambigious in a way that I was unaccostomed. Suddenly, I was Samoan or Puerto Rican or (bizarrely) Jewish. People, both black and white, looked at my strange, furry hair and didn’t know what to think. Here I was, thinking my hair was affirming my blackness, and come to find it was putting me in a “none of the above” category. People would act surprised when I told them I was black. Freaked me the hell out.

I don’t like my hair all the time. Sometimes I hate it (and the hair-pulling certainly doesn’t help). It took me two years to figure out what to do with it in this ultra-humid climate. Sometimes I’ve even contemplated going back to “Dark n Lovely” when the going gets rough. But I know I won’t.

I’ve come to realize my hair is a button for me. You can joke around me with in countless ways, but don’t say a damn thing about my hair. Even good things, because I’m liable to take them the wrong way. The only person I’ve ever cussed out in real life was a guy who made the mistake of teasing me about my humidified hair. I admit I should chill out, but all I can say is that a lifetime of insensitivity, often by clueless whites in my midst, has made me very…tender-headed.

11

See…this seems …an odd thing to say. It gives me the feeling that some of us think kinky hair is something that needs to be excused.

White hair can look ungroomed, but kinky hair never does? It does! I plait my hair in four big braids at night, and if I go to sleep and forget to do this, then my natural hair will not only be ungroomed, but will be so nappy that I will break combs! But once it is picked out, it will be a beautiful cloud that makes people yearn to touch it. (they bedda not!)

12

That was a beautiful post Monstro, thank you. And I love the pun at the end. Brilliant!

13

A white girl here, with very curly hair. Not kinky-curly but very small rings in most places and very tight curls at the hairline. I just want to add that it’s not only girls in the black community that are bombarded by this idea that straight hair is the only form of attractive hair. It took me more than 20 years to feel comfortable just letting it air dry down and not have to rush to put it up in some sort of bun. Not to mention the damage due to chemical straighteners, blow-dryers, and hot irons.

Especially living in a climate with a lot of humidity, and not having any sort of direction from anyone with similar hair, it took a lot of trial and error for me to find something that works for me, and I have to say I’m still searching for it.

It’s taken quite a while to be able to actually receive the compliments in a gracious manner, and learn to be proud of my curly hair rather than battling to try and turn it into straight hair.

-foxy

14

I can’t imagine that any woman with natural hair feels the need to make an excuse for her choice of style. Maybe I should have said “unpermed or natural” as opposed to ungroomed. An afro, whether it is 1/2" long, or 7" long and picked and shaped is neat and georgeous. African hair of any texture is unlikely to hang in the face or blow into eyes or lipstick, or need to be tucked behind an ear or held back with sunglasses. Although I understand any woman who wants to change her look, I can’t make sense of long, flowing extensions that hang in the face as a means to look professional. Hair that is out of the face always looks far more neat and professional to me. So I cannot understand why any woman with straightened hair would look at an afro wearing woman and ask “Why don’t you get a perm?”

You tell me. Why would any woman with such a high maintainence hairstyle encourage a woman with natural hair to follow her lead?

15

Well, most people can’t afford those weaves. They cost hundreds of dollars!

Maybe not white hair, per se. Korean or Indian, yes. Synthetic, yes. But I don’t think it matters whether most weaves are “white” or not. They simply aren’t mimicing natural Black hair.

“Peasy” is a term I’m not familiar with, so I don’t think I’m understanding you.

Oh, I didn’t mean to suggest otherwise! I’m just saying that to many people, the only acceptable kinky hair is the kind that has been chemically or thermally altered, or is worn stretched so you can’t even tell that it has a kinky curly pattern to begin with. I’m not disparaging these styles at all (not even the straight ones).

Most people think I’m biracial (not just because of my hair, but because of my other features). As I said in the other thread, I have corkscrew curls. Because I don’t have hair that “naps” readily (but it gets tangled very easily), I notice I’m afforded a lot more leeway in what I do with my hair relative to people with more kinky hair. This is another reason why I believe nappy is used more often to diss someone’s texture than their grooming.

I’m shy about posting my picture online, but this is me.

Please do not read too much into what I’m writing. I’m going off only on my experiences. I do not judge individuals self-hating or anything like that just because of the way they wear their hair. That would be ridiculous! All I’m responding to are the positions that you’ve put forward as myths. I don’t think they are myths, and I’m explaining why. If it sounds like I’m saying anything specific about your views towards natural, kinky hair, rest assured that I’m not! I’m simply trying to figure out why our experiences with this appear to be so different, and it seemed like the grooming thing might be a clue. Perhaps not.

16

Are you curly girls telling me that my compliments and covetry of your hair makes you uncomfortable? If so, I could never catch up on all my apologies. Would my admiration and compliments be welcome if my hair weren’t stick straight?

17

Your pic is beautiful. Thanks for posting it. I think I see, though, why we come to the subject at very different angles. My hair is a lot more like this…

And, I could be wrong about this, but I get the feeling that people that don’t have very kinky, typically black American hair have a hard time believing that black women don’t have as much as a problem with their hair as is thought.

There are tons of black women that don’t where their hair in naturals but are very good at appreciating beautiful kinky hair.

18

Braids and perms might take awhile in the beginning, but don’t take as much time to maintain day to day. Of course, this is from what I’ve seen, and ymmv. Or, it could just be another case of straight hair being good, and natural hair being ugly.

19

If your last statement is the consensus, then that is a shame. I don’t want to see a planet full of same looking people. Thankfully, the technicolor hair brigade saves us from the monotony wrought by cultural stigmas. I will from this day forward refrain from complimenting curly or kinky hair. I will save it for the chicks with Kool-aid locks who are impervious to cultural ideals.

20

I understand you feeling this way, really I do, but this is not my perspective. My hair is not very kinky, but I have felt and observed a lot of same pressures that kinky-haired women face. The reason why I permed my hair well into adulthood was because I thought my natural texture was big and unruly and unattractive despite me being a stranger to it. This same belief is why a lot of women (but not all) perm their hair.

Here’s a link to message board I visit. Most of the participants are black women who wear natural hair. Their stories and experiences are a like lot mine. Some of them also have had experiences like yours, too. I don’t want you thinking everything I’m saying is simply me projecting disgust about hair that I don’t have, because that couldn’t be farther from the truth.