Kiwis

Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)
#1

I had a completely mundane and pointless, but kind of funny, e-mail exchange at work today. For backstory: the software engineering project I’m working on has a ridiculously convoluted build process, and they’ve given all the build machines cute names.

From: Lead programmer
To: Team
Subject: Who broke the kiwi?

Okay, someone has broken the kiwi build today. Who’s responsible?
From: My coworker
To: SolGrundy
Subject: FW: Who broke the kiwi?

Fess up, Chuck. We all know it was you. Just admit it and it will be easier for you.
From: SolGrundy
To: My coworker
Subject: RE: Who broke the kiwi?

Couldn’t have been me. I don’t even know what the kiwi is.
From: My coworker
To: SolGrundy
Subject: RE: Who broke the kiwi?

A kiwi is a hairy fruit.

(No offense.)

#2

Kiwifruit!

Kiwifruit!

KIWIFRUIT!!!

A Kiwi is a bird or a person NOT a fruit. That is all.

:slight_smile:

#3

We have a machine at work called “WOODY” (because it’s a prototype that is literally a few circuit boards screwed down onto a piece of plywood). This of course has provided no end of juevenile jokes along the lines of “getting woody up” (to boot the machine) or “who’s got the woody” (meaning which system is it currently attached to).

Woody happens to have a small circuit on him which monitors him and makes sure he’s doing what he needs to be doing. On older controllers this was a rather un-intelligent logic board, but Woody uses a fancy microprocessor controlled board. Management wanted some sexy new name to indicate that this little board was intelligent, and in typical management style, came up with some names that we engineers thought were really silly. So we started making up our own names. We even proposed them, in very serious deadpan tones, at various management meetings, at which point we had to point out what the acronym really spelled out (whoosh). There was a whole flurry of e-mails going back and forth about the design, and in every e-mail we would come up with another name for the thing. For example, I would write an e-mail saying we needed to swap a few lines on the Active System Supervisor and the reply came back saying “per your request I swapped the lines on the Passive Indicator Selector Switch or Function Formatter” (ASS and PISSOFF in case you didn’t get it). The one that got management approval was Intelligent Utility Device (IUD). I wish I had saved some of the other e-mails. We had about a dozen names for the thing.

#4

Actually, I could go for a hairy kiwi. :wink:

#5

Speaking as one who has had a hairy Kiwi or two I can recommend them.

Kiwifruit are only good for pavlova though.