My brother made up another verse to “Johnny Verbeck”:
Then one day a space ship landed on the roof
The aliens appeared in Johnny’s bedroom with a poof
They said, “Take us to your leader,” he showed them the machine
His customers could never tell why all their meat was green
Mblackwell;
If I am not mistaken the song you are thinknig of is
“Ain’t we crazy”
If memory serves it was recorded many years ago by an artist named Haywire Mack.
It goes something like this:
Now I know a little ditty
It’s as crazy as can be
The guy who wrote it said he wanted it and handed it to me.
I found I couldn’t use it because it sounded blue
and that’s the very reason that I’m handing it to you.
Chorus: ain’t we crazy?
ain’t we crazy?
but this is the way we pass the time of day
ain’t we crazy?
Ain’t we crazy?
We’re going to sing this song all night today
It’s a song the aligators sing while coming through the rye
as the serenade the elephants up in the trees so high
the iceman hums this ditty as he shovels in the coal
and the monkeys join the chorus up around the northern pole
Chorus
it was midnight on the ocean not a streetcar was in sight
the sun was shining brightly for it rained all day that night
it was a summer’s night in winter and the and the rain was snowing fast
as a barefoot boy with shoes on stood a sitting in the grass
chorus
it was evening and the setting sun was rising in the west
the little fishes in the trees were huddled in their nests
the rain was pouring down and the moon was shing bright
and everything that you could see was hidden out of sight
chorus
a few more verses go in here
and finally:
It was midnight on the ocean not a horsecar was in sight
as I stepped into a drugstore to get myself a light
the man behind the counter was a woman old and gray
who used to peddle shoestrings on the road to mandalay
Chorus
Good evening sir the woman cried and her eyes were bright with tears
she put her head beneath her feet and stood that way for years
her children six were orphans
except one tiny tot
who lived in a house across the street above a vacant lot.
Final chorus
Sorry this was so long but this is my all time favorite silly song.
Thanks for letting me share.
Silly, yet totally charming as well: [url=http://www.geoffreywelchman.com/page600720.htm]Pterodactyl and Me[/url. (You’ll have to scroll down.)
Urgh, sorry. Preview is my friend. http://www.geoffreywelchman.com/page600720.htm is the proper link.
Let me tell y’all a story 'bout a man named Jed.
Took Ellie Mae, and threw her in the bed.
Unzipped his pants, out popped a worm,
Up thru the top came a bubbling sperm.
White gold…incestial tea!
Three months later ol Ellie got fat.
Granny said “who the hell did that”?
Six months later, out it came.
A baldheaded brat swinging on a chain.
(Ahem:)
I’m Henry the eighth I am
Henry the eighth I am, I am
I got married to the widow next door
She’d been married seven times before
And every one was an Henry (Henry)
She wouldn’t have a Willy or a Sam (no Sam)
I’m her eighth old man, I’m Henry
Henry the eighth I am
It sounds funny, I know,
But it really is so,
Oh, I’m my own grandpa.
I’m my own grandpa.
I’m my own grandpa.
It sounds funny, I know,
But it really is so,
Oh, I’m my own grandpa.
Now many, many years ago, when I was twenty-three,
I was married to a widow who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her, and soon they, too, were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life,
My daughter was my mother, cause she was my father’s wife.
To complicate the matter, even though it brought me joy,
I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became a brother-in-law to Dad,
And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle, then that also made him brother
Of the widow’s grown-up daughter, who, of course, was my stepmother.
Father’s wife then had a son who kept him on the run,
And he became my grandchild, for he was my daughter’s son.
My wife is now my mother’s mother, and it makes me blue,
Because, although she is my wife, she’s my grandmother, too.
Now if my wife is my grandmother, then I’m her grandchild,
And everytime I think of it, it nearly drives me wild,
For now I have become the strangest case you ever saw
As husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!
I’m my own grandpa.
I’m my own grandpa.
It sounds funny, I know, but it really is so,
Oh, I’m my own grandpa.
May the bird of paradise fly up your nose
May an elephant caress you with his toes
May your wife be plagued with runners in her hose
May the bird of paradise fly up your nose.
And one I hope not to get flamed for:
Well, lemme tell you ‘bout Ahab the Arab
Sheik of the burnin’ sands
He had em’ralds and rubies jus’ a-drippin’ offa him
And a ring on every finger of his hand
He had a big ol’ turban, wrapped around his head
And a scimitar by his side,
And - every evenin’, about midnight,
He’d jump on his camel named Clyde…
And ride…
LMAO @ “bird of paradise”
What * is * that? Seattle’s Monty Python? 
It rolled down the sidewalk,
and into the street.
And now my poor meatball
is nothing but meat.
I remember it as a duet:
The cutest girl
the cutest girl
I ever saw
I ever saw
Was sipping soda through a straw
The cutest girl I ever saw
Was sipping soda through a straw.
(That’s all I can remember.)
Can’t remember the name of the (classical?) tune this is set to:
Passengers will please refrain
from flushing toilets on the train
when passing through the station
I love you
Every evening after dark
we’re pinching statues in the park
If Custer’s horse can stand it,
why can’t you?
Recorded by Little Jimmy Dickens ( http://allmusicguide.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=B0m6zefrkhgf6 )
Written by Neal Merritt
I learned it from my grandfather, though. I doubt if I’ve even heard the original.
Oh, the cannibal king
with the big nose ring
fell in love with the hula da-a-ame
and every night
in the pale moonlight
across the ocean he ca-a-ame
well he hugged and he kissed
his pretty little miss
in the shade of the bamboo tree-e-e
and eveyr night
in the pale moonlight
it sounds like this to me-e-e
a-rum smooch smooch
a-rum *smoock * smooch
a-rum-bady-ady-a-a-a
a-rum smooch smooch
a-rum *smoock * smooch
a-rum-bady-ady-a
And it goes on for several more verses about them having kids, the kids growing up, etc.
Jeffrey Hartnett Thanks, thats the one.
If anyone knows the words to “Tony Chestnut” please post!
You know, Toe-Knee-Chest-Nut-Nose-Eye- Love him-Toe-knee-nose…I think the names Neal, Pat, and Eileen are involved somewhere.
I heard this one a long time ago, and I can never remember the rest.
Here’s one we sang in school:
I have a sad story to tell you
You might not like it a bit
This morning when i went to the bathroom
I slipped in a pile of shhhhhhhaving cream
Be nice and clean, shave everyday and you’ll always smell clean.
My sister fell out of the window
we thought her head might be split
But luck was with her that morning
She fell in a barrel of shhhhhhhaving cream
Be nice and clean, shave every day and you’ll always smell clean.
In France I joined the army
I took a look in my kit
I thought I would find a sandwich
Instead it was full of shhhhhaving cream
Be nice and clean, shave every day and you’ll always smell clean.
And now I’m through with my story
You might not have liked it a bit
But if any of you are offended
Stick your head in a pile of Sh*t!!!
Okay, I don’t know if the words are in any way correct, but that’s how we always sang it!
The cutest boy I ever saw
Was sippin’ cider through a straw.
The cutest boy I ever saw
Was sippin’ cider through a straw.
I told that boy I didn’t see how
He sipped that cider through a straw.
I told that boy I didn’t see how
He sipped that cider through a straw.
Then cheek to cheek and jaw to jaw
We sipped that cider through a straw.
Then cheek to cheek and jaw to jaw
We sipped that cider through a straw.
And now and then that straw would slip
And I’d sip some cider from his lip.
And now and then that straw would slip
And I’d sip some cider from his lip.
And now I’ve got a mother-in-law
And 42 kids who call me maw.
And now I’ve got a mother-in-law
From sippin’ cider through a straw.
The moral of this story is
Don’t sip your cider through a straw
The moral of this story is
Don’t sip your cider through a straw. SIP MILK!
Here’s another one (sorry–I can’t resist)
Way up in the sky, the little birds fly.
While down in the nest, the little birds rest.
With a wing to the left, and a wing to the right,
The little birds sleep all through the night.
Shhhh! THEY’RE SLEEPING! (screeched loudly)
The bright sun comes up, the dew falls away.
“Good morning! Good morning!” the little birds say.
Okay, I’m done now. (Slinks away with head hanging)
I’m not too sure on the ending, but here’s a nice icky song:
“Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I guess I’m gonna have to eat worms.
Big ones, little ones, ishy gishy squishy ones, ones that wiggle and squirm.
Bite off thier heads, and squeeze out their juices, and throw their tales a-way.
Fat ones, skinny ones, even black and brown ones, I’m gonna eat worms all day”
Also, look into Haywood Banks. His songs are incredibly silly, but what makes him great are that he sings them to adults. Songs like “Fishing worms,” “If I had a Bulldozer,” “IF Pigs had Wings,” and to be a little educational, “There’s 18 Wheels on a Big Rig.” Some of the humor may be over the kids (and even adults), but they’re silly, and pretty much all good for kids.
Just as an example (because now I’m thinking of it), the chorus to “The Cat Got Dead”:
Ooooohh…
The cat got dead,
we put him in a box,
then we dug a little hole,
and covered it with rocks,
then we picked a couple dandilions,
said a little prayer,
then we all went off to bed,
'cause we mostly didn’t care."
We sang that at camp, along with the following parody:
Way up in the sky, the little birds die
While down on the ground, their bodies are found
With a wing over here, and a wing over there
The little birds die all through the night.
SHHH! They’re ROTTING!
The bright sun comes up, the skin falls away.
“Good morning! It’s breakfast!” the little grubs say.
Charming, eh?
On top of spaghetti
All covered with cheese
I lost my poor meatball
When somebody sneezed.
It rolled off the table
And onto the floor
And then my poor meatball
Rolled out of the door.
It rolled in the garden
And under a bush
By then my poor meatball
Was nothing but mush.
The mush was as tasty
As tasty could be
And early next summer
It grew into a tree.
The tree was all covered
With beautiful moss
And grew lovely meatballs
In tomato sauce.
So if you like spaghetti
All covered with cheese
Hold onto your meatball
And don’t ever sneeze.