There is a simple explanation. You see I’ve got places to go and things to do and you fucking people are in my way. So how about you move your asses the fuck over, especially on the highway ok?
And when you’re driving in front of me don’t signal three feet before you turn, understand? Three feet is too fucking late. Might as well not signal at all. Just remember that I am right behind you, with important shit on my mind and key matters at hand.
And while we’re on the subject of cars…
You **can **take a right on red these days. That’s right you sendentary minded fuckers. Read the drivers manual! You can turn right on red…after stopping and making sure there is no impending traffic of course.
But let’s face it I don’t really give a shit if there is impending traffic, you are in my way so just take your chances with the on coming vehicles, because I gotta get somewhere and do some shit.
And don’t try and nicely “direct” me at a four way stop by waving me on and then acting like you’re doing me a favor by letting me go first. Who fucking died and made you the cosmic four way traffic cop? It’s the nice people like you that really piss me off anyway. Just get it on through the fucking intersection because the clock is ticking baby and I got places to go. Comprenday vu?
Oh and see that sign there? It says slower traffic keep right. I do realize that it’s missing a couple of parts of speech but do you suppose that it could mean that the right lane is for SLOWER TRAFFIC? Hey jeb and granny! I know your minds aren’t exactly crisp but you had better move it or get your senior citizen, aarp card holding asses plowed under because I am behind you and I have got shit to do and people to see.
And speaking of Walmart…
Don’t pull your little 300 dollar a month piece of shit into the parking lot and shift it into “drift” mode. Get it to a parking space and geeetttinit! This ain’t the lookout at Grand fucking Canyon. Godammit they got shit in there that I need and I can’t get to it with you wandering aimlessly around in front of me looking for a parking space. And here’s another thing…don’t stand in the aisles visiting…if you got shit you just havvvvve to discuss how about going to each other’s houses! I am on my way to the fucking paint aisle Goddammit I GOT SHIT TO PAINT AND I NEED BRUSHES AND OTHER ESSENTIAL ITEMS!!!
AND WHAT THE HELL IS THAT I SEE ON THE WAY OUT???
TWENTY EMPTY HANDICAP PARKING SPACES AND I PARKED 10 BLOCKS AWAY?? BETTER DRAG YOUR CRIPPLED UP ASSES TO THE STORE BECAUSE NEXT TIME I MAY JUST PARALLEL PARK RIGHT IN THE FUCKING MIDDLE OF THEM ALL AND WHILE I AM AT IT WHAT ABOUT THE PHILOSOPHY ‘LET’S DO IT FOR THE CHILDREN?’ EH? OHHHH YEAH LET’S JUST DO IT FOR THE CHILDREN… WELL WHAT ABOUT US ADULTS EH? HOW ABOUT SOMETHING FOR THE FUCKING ADULTS FOR A CHANGE YOU SONOFA…
aha, so you were the one behind me last night on the freeway. You fucker. I was going 60 and you got up so close to me I couldn’t even see your headlights anymore. I took my foot off the gas, taking it down the 50. You didn’t pass. I slammed on my breaks…TWICE. You didn’t take the hint.
If you wanna ride my ass that much, aha, you can come up and kiss my curly black butt hairs. Why does it matter if I’m in your way, anyway? We’re both going to your mother’s house to ride her donkey style. Eeeeyooore, eeeeeyoooore, she screams. You’re off painting your house but I’m painting her five shades of blue.
So stop fucking tailgating me, you ass. I’m way more important than you delude yourself into thinking you are. Bi-otch.
Ya aha, you’re right, and then some !!!
And ya know what what really burns my ass, is a flame about this high (holding my hand somewhere near my ass)
Dude, I drive alot, and asshole drivers are all over the place. In order to survive you just got to let go of it. Ya, it may seem like the big competition to get there 10 seconds ahead of the other guy and whatever, but it just ain’t fucking worth it. Let them have there shit, they’ll feel better about their shallow little lives.
As far as the handicap parking goes, you got another bullseye. I go to the local home improvement stores. There are regulations that say ‘such% of any parking lot needs to be desigated handicap.’ These stores have HUGE parking lots, therefore, the first quarter mile or so is handicap parking. Ok, get real people, how many people in wheelchairs do you see going out to purchase lumber to build an addition ??? It just dont happen.
We could go on another complete rant about your finaly, “it’s for the children”, especially this election cycle. God, If I hear that phrase one more time I’m gonna puke…
SPAMDAMMIT Enderw23, thank goodness my coffee ain’t ready yet, or it’d be all over the screen. I’d probably even be slurping it back out of the keyboard! Now THAT was funny! “Eeeeeyoooore”, “five shades of blue”, man, I’m still squawkin’! Now I know where you get your “painting” skills from. Come on back to the Art Gallery anytime! That was rich…
What kinda paint do you use on shit? Do ya need a primer? How do you prepare the surface? Those are the kind of questions the Home Depot guys should be able to answer. You ought to go there instead of WalMart.
It’s assholes that drive as you describe yourself doing that cause the bulk of fatal traffic accidents. I KNOW what I’m talking about. I’m an ex-truck driver with well over a million accident and ticket-free miles.
And you don’t like it when I park in a disabled slot? Well hey, TOUGH SHIT! When you pay the dues I’ve paid, you’ll be glad to find a disabled spot that some able dipshit in a hurry hasn’t already taken because he was “just going to be a minute.”
Driving like what? Turning right on red? Wanting the other cars to just take their turn at the 4-way stops instead of trying to be nice and directing traffic, ultimately causing more confusion by throwing off whose turn it is? Wanting the slower traffic on the highway to stay to the right because that’s what the sign says? (If the speed limit is 60 and you’re going 45 in the fast lane, you’re slowing everyone down – move over!) People drifted in the parking lots looking for the perfect spot? That bugs the shit out of me too, considering the time I’ve been trapped behind this guy, I could’ve parked in one of the farther spots, walked in and been halfway down with what I needed to do by now.
As for the disabled spot, his gripe was not that you park there but the fact that there were numerous empty spots while he had to park far away. Don’t take it personal.
Sure, there are lots of idiots that drive in the fast lane like snails, and they piss me off, too. But you DON’T try to crowd them or push them along. You just might scare them into doing something REALLY stupid, and them you’ve put 80,000 pounds of tractor trailer on top of them, and that’s exactly what people in a hurry do. And then, you’ve got to live with that. I know a couple of drivers who are living with it. The same deal holds for your car. The best thing you can do is wait. They’ll move over sooner or later. As for turning right on red, aha wants them to jump out into traffic. Hey, it ain’t his ass that gets hit. Some of these people just don’t have the nerve to do it and if they try, they’ll screw it up. Ok, maybe they got their driving permits from Sears, but is that any reason for them to get clobbered?
As for the disabled spaces, don’t let me find some asshole parked sideways across a couple of them…
I made my living on the road for too many years. I’ve seen it all. What it amounts to is, be cool. If you’re in a hurry, the chances of fucking up big-time increase by an order fo magnitude. Especally on the highway.
Jesus Christ Filthy read the fucking OP again. The entire post was tongue in cheek and pointed straight at my own stupid impatience. I like your style though and besides this is the pit.
Enderw23, You goatbag sucking little scum that was hilarious, it pisses me off though that you are funnier than me.
Crunchy Frog would you consider letting me retain you as my attorney? You know, when I finally do ram someone’s muffler straight up their asses.
Ultress: Always good to hear from my best friend.
Now I got to go steal me one of them handicap stickers. Filthy that’s a joke too.
The highway conditions these days are a bitch and, while I miss it, I’m kinda glad I’m out of the truck. I sorta get the feeling that it was only a matter of time before they’d be pulling me out of a wreck.
