Kraft--*The* American Cheese"

The BBQ Pit
1

I’ve seen this commercial twice now. I can’t seem to find it on YouTube, but its a paean to the virtues of pasteurized processed cheese products. “Hey, you can’t do that (that is, put cheese on a burger, in the video for the commercial) with Roquefort!” No shit. Perfect squares of food don’t exist in nature. Why is that a problem?

No, Roquefort doesn’t come in convenient, homogeneous slices that, while “not made of oil like those other brands,” ARE NOT a). uniquely American and b). not, in the strict sense, cheese at all. It’s actually made from milk, salt, and enzymes that are carefully combined and aged according to a tradition that makes it unique among other cheeses. It’s is not made of a cheap cheddar cheese slurry and extruded. To call the bland goo that becomes American “cheese” cheese is to insult the art of cheesemaking that, despite what some would think, is an artform just as is winemaking.

Now, before everyone jumps on the “who gives a shit about cheese” bandwagon, I do have a larger point to make. I look at American cheese as the symbol of the kind of xenophobic simple mindedness that seems to be overtaking a certain portion of the body politic in this country. If you’ve seen the commercial, I hope you can see what I’m talking about. The announcer talks about American cheese as if it is some triumph of American ingenuity and intelligence (there is an analogy drawn to the space program somewhere in it) Really, Kraft marketing person? This tasteless, characterless, unnaturally perfect square slab of chilled cheese slurry is the pinnacle of American innovation? Even as commercial hyperbole goes, that’s a pretty audacious claim. I just know that there are lots of people watching this commercial while reading the Sarah Palin book and biting their nails as our CommieNazi president tries his damndest to keep the American machine from collapsing under the weight of hubris and stubborn refusal to acknowledge that “foreign” is not a dirty word, saying, “Damn right! American cheese is better than any of that wimpy French and English stuff. USA! USA!” In essence, this commercial is an example of the stereotypical American supremacy viewpoint that, in my opinion, we don’t need any more of.

I love the USA, just as I am sure Canadians love Canada, and Germans love Germany, and Indians love India. If we’re going to pick something to highlight our nation’s contribution to the world, can we NOT choose mass-produced fake food?

2

You’re asking that a Kraft cheese commercial not be proud of its product?

3

Pure dumbassery and snobbery.

American cheese is a great melting cheese, and is much more flavorful than some runny Brie of Camembert that you probably cream your panties over. Just shut the fuck up about it already; no one is forcing you to buy Kraft singles, and it’s not like they are some proxy for American colonialism.

(BTW, Indians (dots not feathers) love Velveeta, so I guess they like American imperialism too.)

4

Kraft singles-singles, not cheese…

5

No, they can be proud of the product. I just hate commercials that try to put their products into some kind of cultural context that they clearly don’t deserve. Kraft isn’t the only one guilty of this; it’s just the latest commercial that I saw that does it.

6

Aw, you caught me! I started a “weaksauce rant” just to get you to show up, Stewie. And no, the only thing that makes me cream my panties is your brutally sharp wit.

7

Whatever. Fact is, you’ve got your big-girl panties in a wad because someone called you on trying to seem worldly and cool by dissing something that approximately 90% of our society likes. Plus, you wre apparently born in 1982, which makes it even more obvious that you’re at that age (+5 for being socially retarded) where you’re choosing to demonstrate your independence from “the crowd”, man.

Shut up with your hipster bullshit. I wish I could say that no one gives a shit that you’ve “figured out” that foreign shit is cool and domestic shit is lame, but I’m sure there are a lot of snobs out there to make you feel better about yourself.

It’s a fucking cheese commercial, you fucking dolt.

8

You are just abso-fucking-lutely adorable. :slight_smile:

And complaining about a cheese commercial is no more idiotic than complaining about the quality of Pit threads on a message board, and basically calling a bunch of people you’ve never met any number of five-dollar words. My pet peeve is no more, and no less, mundane and pointless than yours. You fucking love to subscribe to threads just to demonstrate how much better you are than all of us. It’s a perverse pleasure, to be sure. I get it too, from reading your posts, **Stewie. **It’s kind of funny because, if most of us are dumbasses on this board, and you’re one of us by virtue of posting here, you must be our king!

And seriously, 90% love American cheese? I’m sure there’s a cite you’re holding back…

ETA: And thanks for bumping this thread every time you deign to post in it. :slight_smile:

9

Seriously? Somehow, I still don’t give a shit.

10

Then why post something that will bump the thread?

11

Here in Australia there is a cheese brand called “["]Coon](http://www.dairyfarmers.com.au/df/ourproductsandrecipes/cheese/coon[/url).”

If that weren’t funny enough I recently saw an add from Coon cheese highlighting their square cheese slices. IIRC this add emphasized the ingenuity of Coon in creating this cheese sacrilege.

I can’t stand shitty cheese. But worse is American cultural chauvinism. The USA doesn’t have a monopoly on this kind of chauvinism-but it is certainly more tangible in the US than any other place I have been or lived.

12

So at least you and I aren’t part of the 90% that Ivn claims love the stuff.

13

My thing is that American cheese is just so bland. There are better processed cheeses out there. I don’t know why we feel we need to stick with the traditional Kraft formula. Perhaps the blandness is what makes it so acceptable. But I’ve never met anyone who liked American but didn’t like Cheddar. And you can make a processed cheddar if you want to make it melt better. Just use a really sharp variety to start out, and when you mix in the milk and salt, it won’t lose all the flavor.

ETA: I know of very few people who actually LOVE the stuff. They just like it because it doesn’t have anything about it that is particularly bad. Heck, that kinda goes with my bland-is-acceptable hypothesis.

14

Oh fuck off, I’m not a hipster and I hate that orange plastic crap too. It’s not about American vs foreign, there are tons of great American cheeses that pre-date Krap singles by hundreds of years. Vermont cheddar is just one example. The fact that you like crappy, children’s food does not mean it’s not still crap. I don’t what it is about food that makes peiple like you insist that there is no such thing as good and bad food. Just like the rest of the world, some things are better than others. The local carnival is worse than a real amusement park, a shed is worse than a mansion, the Yankees are better than the Cubs, Stanford is better than Liberty College.

15

If I put a slice of cheese on a piece of bread, and broil it in the toaster oven, I’ll choose Cheddar. If I want to eat cheese out of hand, or with crackers, I’ll probably choose Cheddar. Extra sharp Cheddar cheese is one of the Bodoni kitchen staples.

However, Kraft singles make, IMNSHO, the best grilled cheese sandwiches. I don’t know whether this is because of some proprietary formula, or because that’s what my husband and I grew up with (I suspect both), but we don’t like grilled cheese sandwiches made with anything but Kraft singles. We keep Kraft singles around because my husband loves GCSs.

Now I will boldly state that the old Ro-Tel and Velveeta cheese sauce/dip is actually not too bad. It’s not GREAT, mind you, and I certainly wouldn’t serve it at any occasion that’s more formal than having a group of people over to play Dungeons&Dragons, but it’s tasty enough. It doesn’t push the envelope, and sometimes we want some comfort food.

16

Awww dude… you are correct that hipsters are generally full of shit. But they may just prefer real cheese, ya know? We’ve got plenty of domestic cheese that is righteous but whether it’s imported or not I can’t fault anyone for preferring something with a bit of flavor like delicious real cheese, which Kraft American Singles certainly are not. I find it amusing when people choose their “cheeses” based on melting aesthetics rather than flavor. As far as I know real Cheddar, Gouda and other genuine cheeses melt too. Plus they actually taste good.

Hey, if you prefer processed American cheez-food over the real thing then knock yourself out. But don’t jump all over someone because they are a little more gastronomically adventurous and require a bit more from their cheese then a pretty melt job.

17

um, from a foreigner’s perspective, that’s actually what America does best. That and start wars it can’t finish. :smack:

18

I’m not sure Kraft is allowed to call it ‘cheese’ in the EU. I think it has to be labeled a “pasteurized prepared cheese product”.

19

There’s a word you don’t see used often enough with reference to food - extruded.

I remember back in the 70s at one time, when I was looking for a job, becoming fascinated by the wide variety of industries that wanted extruder operators. It became my joke job when people asked me what kind of job I wanted. I told them I really wanted to extrude the hell out of things. I was disappointed when I found out what it meant, it had been better as a mystery.

20

I would.

I don’t know what Ro-Tel is, but I’ve made versions of the college staple “Velveeta + salsa” dip and served it at dinner parties. “What IS this? It’s AWESOME!” is the usual reaction.

Long live processed cheese product!