Follow-up for those awaiting same with breathless interest. Home Depot had the damaged and unfixable file picked up, and several days later refunded my money. I did buy pretty much the same file cabinet from Staples for $5 less and picked it up from the store.
However, apparently when I picked up the original cabinet from my curved front steps and carried it from the garage, I racked up my right knee in some mysterious way and I have been limping and cringing from the pain for the past week. My own fault, really, it wasn’t that heavy, I just neglected to support myself properly and forgot that I’m not as young as I used to be. I even had someone at home who could have helped me carry it.
But I still hate UPS.
Follow-up (from April thread). Went to doctor today. It could be worse, it’s only a sprain of the medial (something that starts with C) ligament. I’ll start physical therapy as soon as they call me back. Glad I have insurance.