Are we still talking about sex? :eek:
The thing is, sex isn’t a magical cure-all. I can guarantee that even if you did get laid tomorrow, you’d wake up the next day and find out there’s still something missing from your life.
Not to play down the fact that your situation sucks. Sex and companionship are nice, and it would be pretty silly to say that masturbation is a decent substitute for either.
You do need to fix that depression thing before you can fix the not-getting-laid thing, though.
Take it from someone who’s been there - no girl wants to be responsible for a man’s entire emotional well-being, and any relationship based on that kind of neediness is bound to fail. Find out what makes you happy (aside from a roll in the hay)… the rest will follow once you’ve figured that out.
No, but it’s worth a try.
I appreciate all the responses and the hooker idea definitely made me laugh, although it’s not like I haven’t though about it. Red_Barchetta, I definitely feel for you man. The main reason I post this here is because I don’t think I could really talk about this with anyone in real life.
But I do think that lack of sex is preventing me from living a complete and happy life. It’s very important to me and I don’t think I can help feeling that way. And the more I don’t get it, the more I obsess over it.
Anyways, I don’t expect anyone to give me a magical cure or anything I think I just wanted to vent.
By the way, I quit masturbating because I think it made me apathetic and am hoping it will give me more of a sex drive to go out and meet girls. I believe it’s been working to some degree.
Works for me.
I don’t think that is a healthy thought process.
Every guy is different, I know, but part of me wonders whether this will put a… damper on your next sexual experience with a real live woman.
Dude! You’re not gonna go out there with a loaded gun, are you???
As long as your are dependent on someone else to give you the thing you need to keep from being depressed - your risk of being depressed is going to be really really high.
No sex sucks. But really, people manage to be satisfied fulfilled people without sex. Even sexual people.
No one else has what you need to make you happy. And if you are expecting someone else to provide something that will make you happy - that’s placing a lot of burden on a relationship early. Many people are going to sense that - and they really don’t want the burden. Get comfortable in your own skin. Sex may or may not follow - if it doesn’t, it won’t be such a big deal once you are comfortable in your own skin.
Bolding mine
No he doesn’t. Humans are tactile creatures. Just the simple act of being touched by another human being does a world of good. (I can’t help thinking about all those premature babies that get better with touch therapy.)
My two cents, which is widely frowned upon by the Straight dope community is go to a topless bar. Let some cutie set on your lap and feed you complete BS about how wonderful you are while you slip singles in her G-string.
Even tho’ the whole act is completely superficial; you’ll at least be able to get over that whole “tensing up” thing whenever you find yourself in the company of a girl you meet outside of a boobie bar.
I think that whole tensing up thing is what’s causing your problems with women. They can smell that shit from a mile away. This assuming you don’t act like a Gussy Gus, around the ladies. If this is true, you need to work on your social skills, which isn’t hard to do.
Are you taking antidepressants? Some will play hell with your sex life.
If this is your theory, then all the OP really needs is a good hug - and possibly one or two of those lap dances you’ve prescribed.
What we’re trying to warn him against is convincing himself that a night or two of hot buttered monkey sex is going to instantly cure him of his depression. Unless the OP figures out how to make himself happy without making it totally dependent on any one thing (be it sex, alcohol, drugs or whatever), he’s setting himself up for failure.
Any woman in her right mind will tell you that being wanted is sexy… being needed is scary. There’s really no titty bar in the world that’s going to fix that.
(This is, of course, assuming the OP is well and truly depressed in the clinical sense of the word. If he’s just cranky because he’s got a bad case of blue balls and is otherwise a perfectly happy person, he’s free to disregard my advice.)
Weren’t you the guy who was looking for free psychotherapy online?
Well, if so, then you’re probably facing two possibilities if you try prostitution:
-
You go to a prostitute or two, and you’re quickly reminded of how silly it is to have sex with a total stranger who sees you as nothing more than a quick buck. You either enjoy it or not, but, ultimately, you go home, your obsession with sex is lifted–if but temporarily–and you start worrying about more important things.
-
You go to a prostitute or two, and you get even more depressed because your real issues are still there and you have that much less money to get some real therapy.
I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that #2 is more likely, and that you’re under 30, because you probably believe that all things of real human value are done better over the internet, for some reason. Please don’t short-change your sanity by continuing with this line of thinking.
Oh, and those “hot” girls (whatever that means) that make you so tense? Most of them aren’t so hot in the sack, when you meet them there. When you learn this, you’ll probably also realize how much bullshit those guys–who also make you so tense–are full of.
Stop obsessing about hot girls and have sex with a couple of middling ones.
OP: I used to find myself in a situation much like yours. I will describe my attempts to resolve the situation in the hope that you will glean some useful insight from it.
After waking up one morning and realizing that I had gone 26 years without sex (I am not counting the dolphin), I was as distraught as you are. My first recourse was excessive masturbation. In short order, my palms grew quite hairy and this made introducing myself in business situations quite awkward. Since I believe anything worth doing is worth committing to, however, I soldiered on. Soon, though, my hair palms cost me my job. Since I value my personal happiness more than my employment, I took this in stried and remained at home, polishing the pistol.
Eventually I started to go blind, though, and I knew I was in trouble. I went to an opthamologist to see about upgrading the prescription for my glasses, but he charged an exorbitant amount. I barely had enough to cover the eye exam since I was unemployed and had no cash flow… Fortunately my opthamologist moonlights at Burker King and I was able to get a discount ($25.95 with the Biggie Size combo).
I decided at this juncture that I had no recourse but to find a woman who might be enticed to sleep with me for some sort of currency. However, I had no currency to speak of (cf. paragraph 2) excluding some fingerpaints I made. I valued these at a total of $895.67. Even that was a bargain in light of the fame I expect to come into as a premier finger painter in the future. I could not find any escorts willing to accept these, though, and was forced to settle for a woman as lonely as I.
Unfortunately, the condom burst and this woman became pregnant. The day she gave birth should have been the most joyous day of my life, but, as my eyesight had deteriorated so, I was unable to see my offspring. In fact, I sometimes wonder if the child is in fact mine and not a chimpanzee she brought home and shaved to fool me into living with her. Also, my child refuses to have anything to do with me, as he/she/it finds my hairy palms horrifying. Although, it is hard to tell if the shrieking is in fact an alarming reaction to my palms or merely the natural vocalizations of a chimpanzee or perhaps an orangutan.
OP, I hope you have gleaned some valuable insights from my story. If you would perhaps like to avoid the risks I have delineated above and would like the companionship of an autistic child/chimpanzee, please let me know as mine wants nothing to do with me.
I have mixed feelings about Dan Savage, but I think it would be worth considering the advice he gives in this column: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=1930394
The fellow in the column has already employed sex workers, which you haven’t, but I do think it’s worth considering and not dismissing out of hand.
Sounds like you’re looking for an easy answer to a complex problem. Depression isn’t suddenly cured by one thing, be it sex, money or whatever.
What you have is partly a chicken/egg type thing going on here. Am I depressed 'cause I can’t get sex or is it I am depressed therefore it hampers my sex life.
The difference is in people with a so called 'Normal" state of mind, this “depression” doesn’t last. Eventually you will come to accept your situation and learn to deal with it. In a depressed person this acceptance doesn’t happen.
For instance I haven’t had sex in many, many years and not for lack of trying. OK I have learned to accept this and moved on. I can’t spend the rest of my life worrying about something that may never happen.
Nor can I afford to waste anymore of my time on a goal (sex and/or relationship) that has for years produced only negative results and has taken up time I could’ve used for other things.
You see, that is called acceptance. People are designed to eventually come to accept things in life. This is why people who lose limbs or go deaf or go blind have trouble but eventually come around and learn to cope with their problems. This is why you see people on the news living in slums and you ask yourself “How can they live like that?” Well, because people are hardwired to eventually accept what they cannot have and deal with it.
But this doesn’t always happen and it creates conflicts like depression, but this isn’t normal and needs to be attended to by a professional. It’s like people who 20 years later are obsessing that they got picked on in high school.
It takes a certain amount of time to get over things and get over losses, but you always should be able to get over (in otherwords cope) with them.
Often when people get depressed they think it’s like in the movies, there’s one great revelation and the problem is “cured.” But that isn’t how it works
Charles Emerson Winchester: Why this constant preoccupation with sex?
B.J. Hunnicutt: *Lack of occupation with sex. *
That’s pretty much what strippers do. Sure they dance and show off their tits, but they are also great at stroking men’s egos. That’s why many men like strippers. 
Problem with your penis, perhaps? Write a letter to it.