I can’t fathom my SO forgetting my birthday, but if it did happen, I’d be a bit taken aback. We tend to do pretty special things for each other’s birthday - I’ve taken him out of town for the weekend for several years in a row, to some of our favorite places (Santa Fe, for example). He’s always done great things for me - arranging a horseback riding day, taking me indoor sky-diving, that kind of thing. We tend to like to give each other experiences rather than things.
Given that history, I’d be shocked if he forgot it completely. He might do something like say “this year, your birthday celebration will be on the Saturday after your birthday, because I’ve got something planned” but I’d still get at least a card (and probably a gift and/or flowers) on the actual day.
My rich brother in another state ‘kidnapped’ my sister in law a few years ago and took her on a mystery trip, out of town, to an expensive hotel for the weekend for her birthday. Lobster and champagne and who knows what else, and the complete spa package. A quick trip to a boutique where she was told, pick out any outfit that catches your fancy. Oh, that wasn’t the present. The present was the next night, front row seats at a Garth Brooks concert. And that is how the other half lives. I haven’t heard about any more extravaganzas since. Maybe it was for a milestone birthday or something.
But he doesnt really have anything “set up.” People here seem to be incredulous that someone could not know the birth date of their children. I’ve been with him countless times when he was asked when my birthday or my brother’s birth day was for a form, and he simply did not know. If mpm wasn’t around, I guarantee he wouldn’t make any kind of provisions to remember. I’d simply tell him. I don’t consider it a big deal. I barely know anybody’s birthday myself. Even my best friends. I generally know the month, but that’s it. The exceptions are immediate family and my SO.
I hope you realize that this seems to be pretty unusual behavior to a lot of us. Yes, many of us ARE incredulous that a parent would not know the birth date of their children, because it’s something that most of us not only can’t fathom ourselves, but also that we’ve never met anyone like that.
Your casual acceptance of your father’s eccentricity indicates that you might not see this as unusual, when it actually is pretty unusual.
No. On my birthday I say to mr. hunter, “Hey, it’s my birthday! You should take me out to eat,” and he does. (This year, actually, we didn’t get a chance until about two weeks after my birthday.)
I’ve heard the story a few times from my parents about when they and my grandma took my then 18 month old brother to Australia to visit the rellies. They were asked for his birthdate at immigration, and all 3 of them gave a different date.
My mother has always been convinced my bro, her first born, was actually born the day after he really was, I have no idea why. She gets mine right.
Mum also forgot Dad’s birthday so many times he changed the burglar alarm code to his birthday so everyone had to type it in the work alarm every morning. She’s not forgot it since No one ever forgets hers- it helped as a kid that it was the official first day of the new school year, and she always made a big deal of it.
Yes, I care. Although this is a non-issue for us because my husband pays more attention to anniversary and birthday dates than I do. It’s not that we go all-out with celebrating them, but I can’t imagine one of these dates passing without him at least acknowledging it verbally.
Conversely, I believe that while somewhat unusual, it’s a lot less rare that you think. (Men forgetting important dates–usually anniversaries–is a trope for a reason.) He’s hardly the only person I know like this, but he’s the closest example and the one I have most experience with. And I’m confining the last statement to SO and child’s birth dates, not friends or anniversary dates. If we included friends, I’d be just as guilty as I don’t know the birth dates of any of my closest friends (except for one)–even ones I’ve had since childhood.
The family I came from isn’t good at birthdays. For us, its a “within a few weeks, maybe within a month” you’ll get your gift. Sometimes a phone call on the day.
Moreover, holidays in my family don’t necessarily happen ON the holiday. We always had people who worked in hospitals around, plus the challenges of in laws, etc. Sometimes you cook the turkey for Thanksgiving a week early or a week late.
So I wasn’t raised to really care if the exact date is hit.
Mr. Sali and I got married on his birthday, which kills two birds with one stone. When The Big Day rolls around, he gets a birthday present and we do the dinner out in honor of our years of Wedded Bliss. Sometimes for the anniversary part we buy something for the house - new curtains, a new quilt, a shrub or plants for the yard.
My birthday’s a week before Valentine’s Day, so folks often would forget my birthday because of excitement/dread of the week after it. It annoys me, and caused my MIL to be mortified one year: she gave me a Valentine’s Day card on the 10th with no mention of my birthday when we stopped by the house-- I was nice enough to have my SO tell her and not mention it to her right then, as I wouldn’t have been able to be nice about it. However, because my SO shares my dislike of Valentine’s Day (for myriad reasons), we don’t celebrate it, and we make a reasonably big deal out of each other’s birthdays. This past year, he had a friend come from out of town to celebrate with a fancy dinner out, which meant a lot to me, and we celebrated his a day early and ended up staying out way later than either of us expected due to other friends treating us to some bar hopping.
No one ever forgets hers- it helped as a kid that it was the official first day of the new school year, and she always made a big deal of it.