In order to be sexy, you don’t just have to be “pretty” or good looking, you have to inspire thoughts of sex. You have to have that vibe that says, “I would make you scream with pleasure.” Like Daniel Craig, who is kinda ugly but at the same time SMOKIN hot sexy. Like… dang…
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Oh ahem… where was I?
Rick Santorum has an ok, if characterless, face. However, he looks like the only way he has sex is in the dark, crying with shame.
Could anything be less sexy?
I deal in more than my fair share of lost pregnancies and it is not unusual these days for families to visit and revisit their lost babies, particularly at the 20 week mark and above. Psychologically, 20 weeks seems to be a time where the family has adjusted to the concept of having a baby and often feels the loss keenly. They have made it out of the dangerous first trimester and are now ‘showing’. They have likely made an announcement and are beginning to think about and make plans for a baby shower, baby room, what to buy, etc. And 20 weeks is also the point where the family makes a decision about funeral service or no funeral service, etc. Prior to 20 weeks, disposal of remains is usually done by the hospital.
There are photographers such as ‘Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep’ who specialize in taking memorable photos of the family and their lost baby of whatever gestation. If a family calls for this free service, they come.
Many hospitals often make ‘memory boxes’ after the 20 week mark, too. My hospital has a group of grandmothers who sew special gowns (each one different) and the nurses make hand or footprints in plaster and cut locks of hair for the boxes. We dress the babies and are instructed to keep the gowns for the boxes (provided the parents don’t want the gown used for the funeral), even it they are ‘soiled’. We will make a box for an earlier gestation if that’s what the family wants and needs.
Families often ask to have the body travel back and forth from the hospital morgue for visitors, pictures, etc. Sometime there are other children involved. The family and social worker decide how/when/if to present this loss to small children at a developmental level appropriate to them. There are special books provided that parents can read with their young children to work through the loss.
I don’t care for Santorum one bit and I find it especially weird that his wife once lived ‘in sin’ with a much, much older guy who performed abortions. Perhaps that experience helped clarify for how how she felt about unborn babies. I don’t argue with people who have lost a child about whether an unborn baby is a fetus or a baby or a child. It’s cruel and it really doesn’t matter that much to me. I let the people involved use the words that they are comfortable with using. Technically, an ‘abortion’ is just a lost pregnancy before 20 or 22 weeks or so, not a voluntarily terminated pregnancy. I sure would not sit in a room and give a grieving family a lesson on proper terminology.
But I’m not willing to criticize them for how they grieved and how they presented this (obviously, to them) child to the rest of the family. Perhaps they don’t have a photography service or memory boxes or even a social worker where she delivered and they needed that concrete evidence for their family to come to terms with the loss. That’s their personal business.
I do wish the Santorum’s would give me the same consideration and stay out of my business, though.
I appreciate your well written response. As the father of two and another that miscarried, I am familiar with the time points. I was pointing out that at 20 weeks, it’s a fetus, not an infant.
It’s not my business how the father and mother deal with their personal issues, but I personally have some concerns about involving very young children in circumstances like these.
Surely, taking the baby home is not the norm, but it is not unheard of either.
Hetero male here.
I don’t care if Santorum looked like Brad Pitt or the hunchback of Notre Dame, the idea of him being the front runner for the GOP’s candidacy is frightening.
Well, true, but in this case, they saw it as their son. Like I said, don’t attack a family for how they grieve.
I stated my concern is for very young children being in that situation, not how the parents choose to grieve.
Well, as I said, I don’t believe children should be shielded from death. (I lived above a funeral home until I was four!)
I don’t think they should have been FORCED to hold their brother’s body, but “oh my god, that’ll be so traumatic for them, we should really be concerned!” is the wrong attitude. Life isn’t pretty, death isn’t pretty.
On the contrary, I find his front-runner status quite delicious.
I’m finding it kind of cool that I thought this was a new thread. Normally I can catch a whiff of the zombie-ness before I scroll down too far. But I didn’t figure it out until I saw Excalibur’s name at the bottom of the first page.
Just about everyone who commented five years ago is still around. That’s cool.
What concerns, specifically?
I believe the children were three and five at the time and at that age, not really capable of understanding death. It seems needlessly stressful and with a 20 week fetus, just bizarre. I believe children should be sheltered in their early years when possible, and exposed to hurt, sorrow, and other inevitable realities only when truly appropriate and necessary.
Religious indoctrination of children at such an early age is part of my concern. Ideas of sin, hell, magic et al are not good for little children but the more unbelievable the tenets, the earlier they need to be instilled to take. If the principles are sound they can be introduced when critical thinking is present.
And as I said, children should NOT be sheltered from death, as it’s an actual part of life. And I would guess in this case, it IS “appropriate and necessary”. Christ, their brother died. (Ask anyone who’s lost a pregnancy at that stage, it’s not just a “20 week fetus”)
This may sound stupid, but I was five when the “Mr. Hooper Dies” episode of Sesame Street aired. The producers chose NOT to recast the role, and instead show that death was a natural part of life.
“Needlessly stressful” is silly. Again, I don’t believe in sheltering kids from death. If this case wasn’t “appropriate and necessary”, what is?
And I know you said that. I was responding to Miller’s post, not yours. Because you lived in a funeral home until you were four, does not make you an authority on death and child rearing.
I don’t have to ask anyone, we did. You use words I didn’t, like “just”, you use words like infant completely inaccurately, and “oh my god, that’ll be so traumatic for them, we should really be concerned!”, and “Like I said, don’t attack a family for how they grieve.” Why don’t you just address what was ACTUALLY said instead?
Very well done but quite a bit different than a three year old cuddling a dead 20 week fetus.
Again, I believe in sheltering children against unnecessary stress. I didn’t say from death specifically. I’ve been dealing with a four year old experiencing loss and I do it in the most comforting way I know how.
When it’s unavoidable?
Their parents were probably talking about how they were going to have a new baby brother. There was no way, short of lying to them, to say why they weren’t going to without talking about death.
I see no evidence the Santorums are bad parents or delight in traumatizing their children. Death happens, and death happened in their family. They dealt with it in the best way they knew how.
Or else what follows?
Of course. Though the level of necessary detail is a matter of personal opinion.
I don’t think anyone thinks the latter.
Yes, but since Mrs. Santorum wrote about it in her book, opinions on the topic are valid.
Pain, sadness, fear. IMO, the less the better for young children. When it’s unavoidable, try to comfort and teach.
And how did the Santorum’s actions make that worse than it would have been if they’d left the dead baby at the hospital?
In my opinion, bringing the the fetus home MAY cause frightening feelings in a very young child. Maybe not. I think the possible negatives COULD be far greater than the possible positives.