So? What’s your point? Because your son pointed this woman to you, you automatically had to make an ass out of yourself? Dude, you’re just digging yourself in deeper.
(And who cares if your son has seen you date a lot of women? Doesn’t mean you can’t show him how to treat women with respect.)
I think it’s inappropriate and rude, and I’m with the lady who called you on it… But as more of an Amy than a Peggy, this isn’t experience talking so who knows how I’d react.
?? No. To allow for the (very unlikely) possibility that he was mocking his son.
Do you think that I was actually posing those questions, rather than simply pointing out sloppy discourse analysis?
Gah. Penny. Looks of Amy, brains of a slightly dumber Penny. The worst of both worlds!
Has he peeped your porn history, or… what, exactly? My parents were 3 years divorced when I was your son’s age, and I had no idea what their “types” were. I couldn’t have given less of a fuck. Maybe you’re oversharing with your kid, or you’re introducing your flings to your son prematurely. Either way, your boundaries suck.
Perfectly stated.
My favorite comment I’ve read here in ages.
[QUOTE]
I think you have to understand that the dynamic changes when you are a weekend Dad.
You get very little time to bond with your son. You take what you can get.[\QUOTE]
Seriously, you’re just digging yourself in deeper. This is a very lame excuse, in my opinion, and reflects very badly, on you. If you think it’s okay to publicly disrespect women on the street, like a fifteen year old, to win your sons affection or bond like you’re chums, I say you’re doing it all wrong. And they weren’t supposed to hear, but did? This excuse ranks right up there with, ‘what? It’s only a joke! Where’s your sense of humour?’, yeah, right!
You want to be his Dad or his Bud? You better decide cause you can’t be very effective trying to be both, in my opinion. How happy would you be to discover that your ex was overtly slagging on men, ( they are all the same, can’t go the distance, just want one thing, can’t be counted on or trusted, etc), with your 15yr old daughter, all in the name of being chums and ‘bonding’.
You’re his Dad, not his buddy. Behave with a little more dignity in future, please. You want your son’s respect as an adult, or friendship when he’s fifteen?
Guin, I admitted my asshatery in the OP. I regret that it happened.
From the very post that you quoted, I told you that he probably judges “what I like” from past GFs.
I’m glad you didn’t give a fuck what about your parents dating habits.. That doesn’t mean every kid has to be like you.
Please tell me where in this thread I said it was OK to disrespect women. If you’re saying I should never comment on a woman’s looks, period.. Well, then, OK, I guess I’m just a misogynist.
Well, you’re wrong. I have an older son who is grown, out of the house and a perfectly functioning member of society.
Good lord, are you suggesting I do this with my son? Seriously, think about this for a moment. You went from some off hand comment of “Sexy Mommas” (Which, as I said, was NOT cool. And I did apologize to the ladies right there on the spot in front of my son.) to basically saying I think all women are inferior bitches.
Wow. Just wow.
Shakes, we know that men prowl around staring at women. We already know we’re evaluated and rated everywhere from the office to the grocery store parking lot and that when men run in herds, group mentality inspires brazen behavior. As soon as we hear it we quickly evaluate the clown/s: does he appear harmless? Is he bigger than us, how many are there, does he have prison tats, could he be drunk or tweaking, are there other people around to hear us scream if he comes after us, how close are we to our car, do I need to run or take a different route, etc. Depending on our quick evaluation a catcall can elicit feelings that range from aww, bummer to fight-or-flight fear. It’s rarely a good feeling.
Because you gave the “girls” a favorable review, you probably think they should have felt flattered, but catcalls and comments aren’t equal to compliments. Men are so indiscriminate that the only prerequesite for earning a catcall is the vaguest suggestion of jiggly bits under an old dirty sweatshirt. Hell, my mom gets catcalled if she’s wearing a skirt, and she’s 64 years old. Just don’t put us on the spot like that, please, and it’d be real cool if you didn’t teach your son to make women feel uncomfortable or afraid.
In my humble opinion, as an older male, I think you crossed a line and it was a bit creepy, and you didn’t and haven’t always taught your son to be respectful of people who are women. I wouldn’t say “Ooo, sexy Mommas” to one of my closest male pals, let alone to my offspring. At most, I might say “Wow, they’re pretty”.
Since you asked.
I get what your saying and I sympathize. FTR though, I never thought these women should have felt flattered. It was an asshat move, I admitted as much in the OP. And I did wind up talking to my son about it last night. (Admittedly after reading some of the comments in this thread.) Granted, he was dismissive like I wasn’t telling him anything he didn’t already know. So, hopefully, that’s a good thing.
Cool, thanks
Actually, I didn’t ask. I was asking about the level of offence towards the women. Not about my parenting skills.
But I claim mea culpa on that one as I’ve been entertaining that argument this whole thread.
Good grief, is the US really this buttoned up? Can’t see the offense.
It’s not a matter of being uptight, it’s a matter of fear for our safety. If we’re at the beach, dressed for the club, or attending a social event getting compliments or catcalls is no big deal unless we feel cornered. But in a parking lot well-publicized crimes have us on high alert.
We’re not describing a smile or passing compliment; a catcall is a form of confrontation. Not so much now that I’m older, but when I was younger I’ve had guys circle the parking lot in order to park close to my car and confront me when I come out of the store. I’ve had guys follow me around inside a store and follow me into the parking lot and attempt to strike up a conversation on the way to my car. I’ve had guys follow my car, lie in wait beside my car, and attempt to intercept me as I leave a store. They may think that’s the best moment to strike up a conversation, but it’s scary as fuck. Guys who confront women in parking lots don’t have a good grasp on social boundaries and sometimes get mad when you tell them no, and an already tense situation can escalate pretty fast. I can’t tell by first glance who is a well-meaning gentle soul and who is a serial killer, and quite frankly I don’t leave the grocery store prepared to make those on-the-spot evaluations. I just want to put my food in the car and be on my way.
I’m tall and strong and carry myself with confidence, and I’ve still felt intimidated and afraid. I can’t imagine how petite women or women in heels feel when this happens to them. (I doubt the women in the OP felt fear due to a comment from a dude and his teenager, though, probably just annoyance.)
Actually, the part I missed was that you posted in IMHO asking for opinions, and when offered, you were gonna get super-defensive. My bad; I’m out.
What happened or what you did?
The question was “how bad was this?” You did a poor job of clarifying what you were referring to. Everyone naturally assumed this thread was about bad parenting.
I don’t think this is an issue about how offensive the comment was. The problem is that you don’t understand how your comments affect women.
You did not insult them, so I don’t think their reaction can accurately be described as “offended.” By framing the question as whether the women were offended or not, you’re deflecting the debate away from the real issue, which is how threatened they must have felt by your comment. By asking about offense, you are making the debate about whether what was said was insulting or not, and you come out looking good because you did not really insult anyone. I don’t think you’re doing this consciously, but you should be aware that you are framing the question in a way that allows you to avoid responsibility for your behavior.
Women don’t like catcalls because catcalls are usually safe ways for abusive men to test whether they can further abuse a girl. If you say “hey nice ass” to a girl, and she doesn’t respond, but looks uncomfortable, then you know you can get away with more. If she turns around and says “fuck off,” then you can save face without consequences “hey I was just complimenting you.” It’s all bullshit. And women know it’s bullshit, and react accordingly.
Now you might say that you’re not an abusive person, so why not get the benefit of the doubt? Because the danger is too great to care about some nice guy who wants to objectify women. Plus, that nice guy never bothered to find out why women don’t like catcalls or what affect his behavior has on women. The nice guy knew women did not like catcalls, but apparently did not care how his behavior affected women until two women shamed him in front of his son. Now, finally, the nice guy wants to know, which is why more women should not give nice guys the benefit of the doubt.
And maybe, just maybe, you’re a tiny bit misogynistic, as are many men. But they think because they support equality in the work place and access to abortion that they’re regular feminists!
That you took offence to the, 'Nice parenting!", crack but still defend your behaviour is a little telling to be perfectly honest.
We are all, whether we can admit it or not, in some ways, a product of our times. The thing is, you should let your son be shaped by the current ways, rather than the times that shaped you, on this issue, at least. Don’t model behaviour from another time.
So basically you asked our opinions, and so far have told us, effectively; you were goaded by a fifteen yr old, you didn’t mean for them to hear, you’re only a weekend Dad, they were really hot, you were bonding, you owned up at least, etc.
Any chance you were really sneak bragging a little? Expecting to be met with a more like minded response? Because you seem to have wanted confirmation rather than opinions.
I could be entirely wrong, of course, and way off base, I’ve never met you! It’s just my opinion!
A fun digression: where I live, I have never heard catcalls coming from passersby, construction workers or anyone else with a job. The only people who I ever have seen this behavior from are reeking dreadlocked street vagrants, and they always direct it at people who have ignored their requests for cash. They are such delightful cards and kidders!
What I’m saying here, Shakes, is that I hope you’re teaching your son how to play an acoustic, because the busker market is fiercely competitive.