Well, you’d better start crankin’ up the ol’ incredulity generator, I guess, 'cause here it comes: no, I have never heard a gay man inform a woman that she is “hot”. In the interest of full disclosure, that is not something I would expect to hear from anybody I am acquainted with outside possibly people who are currently engaged in a sexual relationship with each other.
See, this is my issue. On what planet is she wrong for snapping back at him for commenting on her appearance?
Forget safety in broad daylight. I get that some people want to bring safety into it when men comment on women and sure, there’s a small amount of that in the back of a woman’s mind but let’s step back from that for a moment. Forget anything about her feeling threatened by a man and his son because the woman in the OP didn’t indicate that, only people in this thread did.
He made a rude comment after appraising her physical appearance simply because she had the misfortune to wander by his face in public. She said “Excuse me?” and instead of simply realizing he got caught being rude and apologizing he tried to rationalize it with information about him joking with is son. Only then did she bring up his crap parenting move. So please explain to me how she overreacted or was over the top by mentioning his parenting because I truly don’t understand.
Telling someone you find them sexually attractive is telling them you want to fuck them, it is EXACTLY what it is.
Yes, with emphasis on the “telling someone.” They would infer that you meant that from the fact that you told it to them.
If you aren’t talking to them, then no, it would not be a justified inference. Plausible, but not enough to assume. Unless they suspected that it was loud enough to be “overheard” on purpose, in which case it goes back to the first category.
As for the thread topic… it wasn’t that bad since you didn’t mean them to hear. But they responded perfectly and you certainly deserved it.
He didn’t tell her. He was talking to his son.
Uh, unsolicited comments about someone’s sexual attractiveness are still creepy even if they’re not as creepy as unsolicited comments about wanting to have sex with someone.
How bad was this? Bad enough that you shouldn’t do it again, that’s all. I don’t think anyone sustained any lasting or irreversible psychological damage. If anything your son learned that creeping can have embarrassing consequences. Fifteen is a good age to learn that.
Yeah, I just wanted to say that I agree with this completely. Her reaction was justified. It’s a bit disingenous to say that she “over-reacted”
He said, “ooh Sexy Momma’s.” Sounds like a joke to me. YMMV.
Sometimes, making a joke implies saying something “bad.” In fact, I think that’s some of the best humor. IMO, this is what seperated a show like “Seinfeld” from “Friends.” “Seinfeld” said some things that weren’t PC, but it was still a hell of a lot more funny than that lame-ass, cheezy “Friends.”
I wouldn’t have been offended at all. It was a fairly innocuous remark, even if he wasn’t presenting a great role model for his son. Have I noticed and maybe even commented sotto voce on the hotness of a random guy I have seen? Why, yes. It’s unfortunate that he spoke a little too loudly, but if I were the object of the remark, I would have just continued on my with my day. Really, I don’t think it’s that bad.
And as a woman with a lot of gay male friends, I have heard them remark on a woman’s hotness many times. It’s never meant as “I want to fuck her/you” - it’s a compliment, nothing more.
I didn’t say she overreacted. I said I thought it was slightly over the top for mentioning it at all.
I never said she was wrong. As a matter of fact, I said I saw it from both angles, then commented why I felt it was slightly over the top in the context of how I saw things, then went on to say how I understood that others saw things differently.
Again, I didn’t say she overreacted avid, in fact, I mentioned that in the context of her calling out his parenting, she was spot on.
I’m really not understanding the confusion with what I posted. I said I see why she did what she did and I said how I could view it in the context of my own experiences. I never said she was wrong and I never said she overreacted. I don’t know how to be any clearer.
As to giving him credit for apologizing, I think that’s upon the individual reader to assign motives. Just as it’s apparently okay to call his explanation (“I was just kidding with my son.” a justification, it’s my opinion that his apology seemed sincere enough, if not a bit sheepish. Sorry, I just can’t tar and feather him over this. It was a slightly dick move that hopefully he’s learned not to repeat and that his son can take away from the response they got that this is something he shouldn’t ever do either.
Lastly, I still don’t think such a mild catcall, for lack of a better term, means anyone wants to fuck anyone. However, I repeat, I’m not a young thing anymore, so perhaps times have changed. Go figure.
This X 1000. Glad we’re not the only ones.
But is every comment with any sexual connotation have to be a way of saying “I want to fuck you.”? What about the instance of the gay man, (of course this is stereotypical but it’s only to make a point) “Oh honey, you are one hot mama!” ?
Nm. There is absolutely nothing to say.
I can’t see using that term at all, but the OP put that in and almost everyone but me seems to accept that that is what he did.
Of course, Seinfeld is better than Friends. That, at least, I would hope we can all agree on. And awkward situations can be funny. I definitely would have laughed if I had seen this go down, and maybe even if I were one of the ladies in question. But joking and being creepy are not mutually exclusive. If I heard a strange dude call me a sexy momma, I’d feel uncomfortable, that’s all, though I’d probably forget about it in and move on with my life in about 10 seconds.
Depends. Did you see this on Everybody Loves Raymond, or was it an old episode of Mad About You?
Ah, I see. I thought you meant that you felt she was over the top for mentioning his parenting at all. You feel she was slightly over the top for mentioning his rudeness at all with her “Excuse me?” question. That seems unfair to me as you’re giving her a bit of the blame for his bad behavior. Certainly you’re allowed to disagree, no one said you can’t, I guess I just don’t understand it because he is the one who gave his unsolicited opinion about her physical being loud enough for her to hear. That’s asshole behavior and I can’t say someone is even slightly over the top for calling that out when it’s directed at them.
I admit I had to laugh at your tar and feathering comment. Nobody here is even close to insinuating that he is TERRIBLE for this so that’s just silly to pretend we’re at that level of outrage. In fact, most people who’ve said he did wrong are even saying they think it was not that big of a deal and that the sass she gave him back was about reasonable.
The nitpicking we’ve seen seems to be just your everyday version of the Straight Dope Semantics Olympics. Hell, we’ve even got Ambivalid giving his "let me post a bunch of stuff and then say n/m a couple of times™ move so I say we’re right on course.
Oh, right, you said she was over the top for mentioning it.
In that case:
He only apologized to the women and spoke to his son because she mentioned it. It’s a bit disingenuous to give him credit for those responses while saying she was [del]overreacting[/del] over the top for mentioning it. Slightly.
Better?
Hm. You’ve never heard two straight women call each other hot or sexy? Can you look at men, or let’s say, movie stars and acknowledge that they are hot? Does that mean you want to fuck them? I have a good friend who I think is very sexy. I really think he’s freakin’ hot. It is clear that women love him and he is very tall and fit and he just wears clothes so well. The idea of having actual sex with him is just, ugh. No. It would feel wrong. Point is, you can be hot without me wanting to jump your bones.
Ultimately though, I don’t think the young lady over reacted. If you make a catcall, you run a risk. If you allow someone to overhear you talking about them, you’ve run a risk. They may ignore it, they may throw a warning look, they may smile and actually dig the comment, or they may put their hand on their hip and say, “Excuse?? Way to be a role model for the kid, dude.”
Either one of those responses are valid.
It’s not my style to get worked up about such things, but I’m certainly not about to judge a woman who does. I mean, if she was truly a hot momma, she probably hears that shit all the time. I imagine it gets tiresome.
Hey now, I’m trying to get better at that.