Ladies how would you feel about an unexpected pregnancy in your forties?

In My Humble Opinion
21

I’d feel a lot of “what-ifs”. I’d like to have had biological children with my SO, but I don’t want any more children, and neither does he. I’m sure I’d think a lot about what would have happened had I met him 20 years ago (but that’s a non-starter as I never would have dated him back then…)

I’d be getting an abortion, certainly, no question about that. I don’t want any more, I don’t want the risks of advanced maternal age, I can’t safely carry another pregnancy medically… But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t think about might-have-beens.

22

“Abort! Abort!” I want to enjoy my old age, not spend it raising more kids.

Of course, it’s hard to put myself in that situation. I don’t really know what I’d do. I’ve never been pregnant, and don’t plan to have kids unless I start making enough money to put them through college. By that time, I’ll probably be too old.

23

If it were me, I suppose I’d suck it up and pretend like I was thrilled about it. You know, fake it til you make it?

But seriously, ugh. It’s true that women having babies in their 40s is on the rise, partly because women underestimate their fertility as they get closer to menopause. Also because some women deliberately wait to have babies, and can get assistance with fertility treatments and have a baby or two that might not have been possible a generation ago.

I have a friend that had older teenagers at home, one kid in their early 20s (and a grandbaby on the way!) when she got pregnant unexpectedly. Her grandbaby is about 6 months older than her youngest baby. Possibly a coincidence (or the bad economy) but her return to mommyhood was followed pretty quickly by losing her long-term career job, also. She was on pretty equal footing, earnings-wise, with her husband before this happened, maybe she even made more than he did, I don’t know. She’s struggled to stay employed at ALL since then. And although she never complains about it, I know it must be pretty difficult.

I would really prefer not to have an unexpected baby in my 40s and have taken the appropriate precautions to avoid it.

24

It’s hard to say. My husband has had a vasectomy and although I don’t use birth control we rarely have sex. I’m 40 now and had an ectopic pregnancy when I was 21. I’ve only got one working fallopian tube. I’d be downright shocked to find out I was pregnant. Neither of us want children, but I’m not sure I could go through with terminating it. I have no idea how I would handle it but any solution we would come up with would be unpleasant.

25

I would be shocked but a little giddy. . . for a few days then I’d probably have an abortion. I would LOVE to have more children but I’m poor and it’s hard enough raising the happy surprise I gave birth to in my mid-thirties. I couldn’t risk it health-wise either.

26

My mom was 42 when she got pregnant, and she already had 3 kids, 15, 13 and 9. They seemed pretty cool about it.
Which was nice for me.

27

Well, I got my tubes tied a few years ago, but if it happened? Abortion. Another pregnancy is illadvised for me and I already have two kids.

That said, I know at least a dozen women with “accidental” pregnancies in their mid to late 40’s. I use the quotes because none of them were reliably using protection. Nearly all kept the pregnancy.

28

I’d be pretty shocked, and not particularly happy about it - I think. I’ve never particularly wanted to have kids; I barely get any sleep now as it is! But I’m conscious of the idea that if it ever happened, my mind might change in surprising ways, and I honestly can’t swear that I know what I would do about it.

29

Well, considering my current lack of partner I’d have to call the Vatican and get some good ol’ fashioned worshipping aimed in my direction.

But assuming I did have a partner and I found myself preggers… I’d be torn only because at my age (45.5) the probability for birth defects is awfully high. My eggs aren’t exactly farm fresh anymore, y’know? (Sorry.) I guess I’d be very tempted to go through with it, because I have no children, and at this rate I doubt I will, and if I could be tested up the wazoo (sorry again) to make sure the child was healthy, I would go for it, nervously but happily.

30

Since I’m nearly 35 and don’t have kids yet it’d be unlikely I’d end up with teenagers and a baby unless over 40 means damn near 50. I could see having a couple of kids and then find out I’m pregnant when they’re pretty young still, though. I’d imagine I’d be happy but scared of birth defects.

Does anyone know if there are any measurable effects on starting puberty later and fertility later on? I was almost 15 when I got my first period, and wouldn’t mind if it meant I had “good” eggs 3-4 years longer than my agemates who got theirs at 11 or 12.

31

You’re born with them, no matter when they start migrating out of your ovaries. Right? I’m pretty sure that’s how it works. Guys produce on the go, but women are born with our full stock. Logically, it seems you would undergo menopause later because you started releasing eggs later (compared to another women who has the same number of eggs as you). But your eggs are still going to be the same age as any other woman your age.

32

I had a momentary scare a few years ago, at age 47 or so, and thought hard then about what I would do. Thankfully I didn’t have to come to a decision, but realized I would probably have terminated the pregnancy. With sadness, sure, but at that age I would NOT have been up to the task of caring for a baby and keeping the rest of my family and life together. Not to mention the vastly increased difficulty health problems (mine or the baby’s) would have caused.

I’m happily married, financially secure, but just too old to have another one. :frowning:

33

I’d probably be shocked for a while. Maybe a little upset that my plans for the future had been derailed.

But then a LOT of my plans in the past have been derailed, and my life has been better for it. I’d eventually get over it and be thankful I was still fertile when so many millions of women aren’t.

Abortion would be unthinkable, unless I was gonna die from the pregnancy.

34

My mother once met an older couple with young children. During their conversation, they said something like “You probably think these are our grandchildren. But, no, they’re our children. We didn’t think much of the way the first batch turned out, so we decided to start over.”

No idea what went wrong with the first set, although the timing would have been right for the older kids to have been sixties-era hippies.

35

Been there, done that. Eldest two are in college, middle two are adolescents, youngest two are ages 2 and 5 weeks. I’m 42. The 2-year-old was a complete surprise, because my husband had been told by more than one doctor that he couldn’t father a child. I had just turned 40, and have had perimenopausal symptoms for a few years, and… really? A baby? I had mixed feelings, including the usual worries about her health, mine, whether we’d have the energy for a baby, etc. Tony had the same concerns, but he was thrilled, too. Ultimately, he left it up to me whether I thought I could handle another pregnancy. I could, and Lily is the most awesome little kid you’ve ever met: healthy, smart, funny, etc. But for the duration of my pregnancy, there was always the niggling voice in the back of my mind, wondering if I’d made the wrong decision.

When Lily was a few months old, we started wondering whether she needed a sibling who was a peer, instead of ones too old to have much in common. So, we decided, not to try for one more, necessarily, but not to try to prevent another, either. We gave ourselves a deadline of my upcoming birthday, after which we’d take permanent steps. Little Michelle was born 5 weeks ago, three weeks early but happy and healthy, after an uneventful pregnancy. And yes, we worried right up to the end, and Tony still keeps asking “is that normal?” about perfectly mundane things (Are her eyes supposed to cross like that? Shouldn’t she be doing x, y, or z by now?) But we’re thrilled, when we have a moment to reflect and haven’t dozed off mid-reflection.

So far, we’ve learned that we do have the energy, albeit not as much as we used to. And we both have tons more patience, and a little more wisdom than our younger selves.

And if I were a third party looking at our situation, I’d think we were out of our minds!

36

My baby factory is CLOSED for any and all future fetuses. I’ve already aborted one little accident fairly recently and wouldn’t hesitate a second before sucking out any new little parasites. Last time I found out I was pregnant, it took four days from the time I peed on the stick to swallowing the pill (NOT the morning after pill, the actual real abortion pill). And it would have been sooner, but they were booked until then. But, that shit is expensive, so I really hope my birth control doesn’t fail again!

37

I had surprise babies in my forties. My oldest was a teen and I’d finally gotten my career on track. Totally flipped everything in my life upside down, and the exhaustion factor has been crazy. They’re wonderful kids, though.

38

I don’t fit the OP exactly; I’m in my early 40s but never wanted or had children. If I found out I was pregnant (with a hormonal IUD in place), I’d have an abortion ASAP. (I’ve never gotten pregnant after just over 20 years of frequent sexual activity while on the pill, so getting pregnant on a hormonal IUD would really shock me.)

My migraine medications (when I wasn’t on the IUD) are absolutely not compatible with pregnancy. I suffered migraines at least once or twice a week before getting on this IUD.

39

This.

I don’t know what I’d do. I’m 42, no kids, and never really wanted them. My life is in a state right now that becoming pregnant would be a huge crazy hassle in a ton of ways. I don’t know that I’d choose to go through with it. But I don’t know that I wouldn’t.

Sheesh, even thinking of it in the context of this thread makes me nervous. I really, really don’t want to have to make that decision right now.

40

Pretty much this.