After years of infertility, I gave birth to my son a week before my 46th birthday. I had long ago given up on the idea of having kids and he came as a big surprise. I was terrified at first, afraid for his and my health. His amnio test was normal which was a huge relief. So once I knew he was healthy I was really happy.
Yes, it can be exhausting, but I see younger parents who get exhausted too.
Danny just turned two and he’s the greatest part of my life. I can’t imagine being without him.
The only part that is difficult for me is all my friends have children in college and they’re now traveling and going out a lot at night. I don’t have anything in common with them anymore. It would be great to have a friend close to my age who is also going through all those first stages of parenthood like I am.
Good to see you again, too!
Hi, jumping in. I have a kid with Down Syndrome. We had a prenatal positive and chose not to abort. Couldn’t be happier with the decision.
No kid is perfect, prenatally or otherwise.
As the dad of a kid with Down Syndrome, I can tell you that perceptions of them and their lives are WAY out of date.
Kids with Down syndrome don’t go to “homes” any more. Most are raised at home by their parents, go to the local school with their brothers and sisters, etc. Some even go to college these days. A few are given up for adoption, yes.
I don’t consider my daughter “defective” either, at least not any more defective than a typical snot-nosed toddler or whiny teenager. In fact, kids with Down syndrome are better in many ways - which is why there’s a waiting list for adopting them.
Same thing I would do for any pregnancy at any age. Freak out until business hours came around again, then calmly call the nearest clinic, make an appointment, and camp there until the problem was taken care of.
I’ve never wanted kids, and even if I thought I could tolerate pregnancy, I think it would be an appalling decision to have a child I knew I didn’t want at all. Depending on the circumstances, I might not even bother to tell the sperm donor. Children are something I think both partners should have veto power over, and since my answer will always be no, that’s the end of that.
Thanks for fighting some ignorance on this topic. 
It sounds like you are a wonderful advocate for your little girl.
Thanks for the comment. I hope I don’t sound too judgmental, because it’s not like I knew this stuff before she was born either.
40, child-free, headed for the clinic.
I have a friend who is also 40, with a grown “oops” kid. She once confided that if things had been different, she’d never have had kids.
Then she met a guy, went to go get an IUD, and “oops” again. And she’s happy, and having the baby.
In my 40s I conceived my son (who posts here as Makeitstop). We already had a 14 year old and an 8 year old when he was born. He is a delight and a blessing–one I wouldn’t have asked for or planned, and one I am oh so very glad I have. An additional blessing - my 14 year-old daughter told me a couple years later “Mom, the very best way to keep your daughter a virgin is to have a baby at home so she can see how much work it is.”
Nothing is forcing them to have the child. Aside for the medical risks, there are family factors. They will be 62 when the child turns 18. They will probably be 20 to 30 years older then all their childs friends parents.
If they do not believe in abortion, then I guess theyre having a baby.
Yeah, the fact is that I am older than a lot of my kid’s friends’ parents. In some cases that’s good. The mother of one of his friends was 30 when the kids were 15, and I was just :eek:, but aside from the fact that she is YOUNGER than my kid’s oldest brother, it’s just a number. The thing is that I am not and have never been the oldest mother, and his father is even farther from the oldest dad.
I didnt mean that in reference to you actually. I meant from your childs perspective.
i,e, you go to the school play, and all her friends parents are in their 30’s and your in your late 50s to 60s.
All I am saying is that there are more then just health issues for the mom. There is an increased chance for birth defects as well, and there will be a social impact too.
Im not saying because one has a choice, they have to make that choice. But today, woman arent enslaved to a moment of passion
It happened to my mother. Happy to report I have the greatest 11 year old brother in the world.
I had my tubes tied in my mid-30’s to make sure this wouldn’t happen to me. Taking that into consideration, if I found myself pregnant now, I would have no other choice than to believe it was a miracle of God and have the baby.
I am 34. I am done having kids. If I found myself pregnant even now, I would have to seriously consider what to do.
It would affect my kids, my relationship and my whole life.
(But I would probably end up keeping it. I might regret it in some moments but I am sure they would be a wonderful child.)
Why not just get a tubal ligation?
HA!
I don’t know how it is nowadays, but back when I wanted a tubal, doctors had a formula…they generally wouldn’t perform the surgery unless a woman was over forty or had four or more kids already. I had to get a couple of shrinks to agree that I really, really didn’t want any more kids and that I completely understood that a tubal was permanent sterilization. And my husband had to give HIS permission for ME to get my tubes tied.
Of course, if he’d wanted a vasectomy, then he could have had one, no problem. I would not even have been informed, if he didn’t want me to be.
For as long as men have been doctors, they’ve had a very paternalistic view of their female patients, that period pain was all in their heads, and similar ideas. Fortunately, that has been dying out lately. It’s STILL not easy for a woman to just get herself sterilized, though.
Wow. The sexism and lack of privacy back then was astounding.
When young women who didn’t grow up with this stuff yammer on about how they aren’t feminists, tell them this story and see what they think.
As a friend of mine once put it, “I’m 43… when that kid turns 16, I’ll be 60. Eff that.”
60 is the new 40.