Ladies! Show us your left elbows!

I remember when I was seven and how we used to look at the National Geographic because they had pictures of naked elbows in there.

Much giggling and pointing ensued.

About a year and a half ago, I went out for drinks with a friend who skydives on a very rainy night. After three or four cocktails, we decided to go get some pizza and then go back to his house to hang out for a few more drinks. At the pizza place, I slipped and fell and landed flat on my left ass and left elbow. My left elbow was split right open about a half inch.

Being one to not waste a perfectly good buzz sitting in the ER, I asked my friend if he could dig out his skydiver’s first aid kit and throw a couple stitches in there. My reasoning was, if I showed up at the ER in my current (hammered) state, they wouldn’t give me stitches until I sobered up because any tattoo artist will tell you that alcohol makes you bleed more. And, by the time I would have sobered up, it would have been too late to give stitches. After, I think, 4 hours, they just butterfly it and hope against infection.

So he mixed up another double Greyhound which I pounded down. Then I hopped up on his kitchen counter reached over my head (are you fapping yet?) and grabbed the cabinet behind me. He sterilized my elbow, his hands, and anything he was going to touch, including the nylon parachute thread with which he was about to stitch me up. He put two stitches in my elbow and I was so drunk, I didn’t feel a goddamn thing. In fact, I giggled nonstop through the entire procedure. Afterwards he asked me if it had hurt. I started giggling again and said, “No! It should have! That’s why I think it’s so funny! LOL LOL LOL.”

Hurt like hell the next morning though.

A week later, I went back to his house and pounded a few Grayhounds again so he could remove his handiwork. I have a scar, obviously, but it didn’t get infected and healed up quite nicely, despite the fact that, at the time, I was doing a lot of floor work in my dance classes that involved me supporting most of my weight on that elbow. I powered through.

Evidence. Bonus pic: You get to see the pic of the bruise on my butt.

Aren’t all bars made for people with elbow fetishes?

How bored ought I be before doing that search?

Had you thought about using duct tape?



This poll is incomplete because it doesn’t have any questions about aroused elbows.

I could never be a contestant on “Survivor” because I am addicted to body lotion. I do not feel dressed until every inch of exposed skin is covered in lotion. I love Aveeno’s stress relief one because it smells so good. And my skin is baby soft.

Except for my elbows.

They are rough. I mean, snag-on-sweaters rough. No matter how much attention I give them, they just refuse to behave. I play tennis and watch longingly as women flaunt their smooth and uncreased elbows. They wonder why I wear a jacket in 95 degree heat. I pretend I’m cold. They’re not fooled.

God love my husband, he pretends not to mind, and constantly tells me that I’m still beautiful. He says, “But look at these lovely nipples!” But I swat him away, because I know he’s just humoring me. Every once in a while I’ll see him sneaking a peek at another woman’s elbows, and a part of me dies.

I’m a freak.

Don’t think I didn’t notice that there wasn’t even a “rough” option on the poll.

Nice dog!

Please don’t be concernedd about your husband’s ‘wandering eye’, PunditLisa. Us guys are jyst hard-wired to notic wellk-turned elbows–we can’t help it! But i certainly doesn’tt mean that yor husband doesn’t appopreciate you or your elbow. I’m sure that if you asked, he’d be happuy to gently rubb moisturizing lotion onto your elbow regularly, if that wold help you fel bettter about how it looks and feels. He could tak the lotion and spread it on the point, into the crook, aroiund and aroundd, over and over …

Please pardon the typos. It’s not easy to type one-handed.

hairy smooth freckled free-moving

My elbows are showing on my FB page!

Some people use lotion; some like it rough…

Do you really want such photos floating around in CyperSpace? Are you afraid of what would happen if your (mom, employer) saw them?

I know it feels strangely provocative, I mean how many people show their elbows in public, on purpose? I think the small of my neck shows too, such an exhibitionist!