Diamonds mean nothing… Your heart means the world…
I insisted on rings when we got married (not that there was an argument). I was 40 (first marriage) and not usually a “symbolism” kind of person. But I wanted one. Grand total for my wedding set: $600. I’ve had cars that cost less and tables that cost more, but I’m happy with my modest little ring.
My opinion on the subject is very close to Jennyrosity. No way would I leave the man I love if he really felt that strongly about it. And I hope he wouldn’t buy me a diamond because I don’t like them very much. But the symbol is still very important to me.
I wonder how the ladies on this board would feel if their future groom decided he did not want to wear a wedding ring? Anyone ever been in that situation?
I suppose I’m one of those practical ones - or something like that.
Why do I need an engagement ring? I don’t own any rings now - if I ever get married, sure, I’ll wear a wedding band (and I’ll expect him to as well). An engagement ring would become a piece of jewelry that I rarely wear, and I have enough of those.
If he feels that he has to be traditional and give me a ring, sure, I’ll wear it (at least as often as I remember to put it on), and I would never tell him that I would rather have put the money toward something different. Even then, I’d rather it be simple and definitely not extravagant - this whole “two months salary” thing is ridiculuous to me.
But honestly, the money is better spent elsewhere, on something for both of us, at least as far as I am concerned.
Diamonds are really useful if you’re stuck in a doomed vehicle and you need to cut through the glass window to escape.
Honest.
To me, what is important is the GESTURE more than anything else. The thought that went behind the choice. Not the price tag.
I don’t understand the need to have a huge rock that “cost two months’ salary!” I mean… it’s a rock. On some metal. On a finger. I certainly don’t understand the “if you don’t buy me a big rock, I will say no” mentality that some women I know have.
Ugh.
Symbolism. That’s what it’s about. The gesture, the thought behind it, and all that jazz.
Elly (who does have a lovely engagement ring, and who wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.)
I would prefer not to have an engagement ring. Or, if he really wants to give me something to symbolize the committment it could be just about anything other than a diamond and doesn’t have to be a ring. And for the wedding rings, I’d want not super-expensive gold bands. I want a wedding ring, but I don’t think that sort of thing needs to break the bank. It should just be something two people like.
Also, if I get something like an engagement ring, then he will too. I know that most people probably don’t think of engagement rings this way, but for me it seems like the man is almost branding the woman. The big rock & shiny metal = other guys stay away. So, I’d want to give my fiance something to equalize things a bit, simply to nullify that branding thing.
Why not a diamond? While the human rights issues are huge, for me it’s also personal taste. I’m a little bit of a rock hound and I’d much rather have something personal, colorful & unusual like a druzy rhodochrosite pendant or, as someone mentioned above, a nice sapphire, an uncut but polished one, since they’re beautiful that way, too. Whatever, as long as it was a gift from the heart from my guy.
I did. In fact I bought both our wedding rings. I had the money. What’s important is the marriage NOT the accessories. I far more treasure the unexpected gifts of a candy bar or new plant or small stuffed animal that I would a thousand dollar ring. And MLS those surprises are WAY more romantic than a silly piece of metal on my finger.
Mach, I agree with everything you say.
However, if hubby had imposed that idea on me without giving me the chance to say anything about it first, I’d have been plenty pissed.
As it was, he was prepared to deal with the DeBeers brainwashing if he had to, but as he correctly surmised, I wasn’t interested. Wearing several $K on my finger? FTS. We both wear plain gold bands.
I think as long as you could reach an amicable agreement with the fiancee, and not demand she accedes to your opinion, it’s fine.
-Myra
There’s this woman I’ve been friends with since we were kids, and she got married not that long ago. She had mentioned about how picky her husband was about the engagement ring, and I believed that since he tends to be very particular about some things. It was much larger than I’d expected she’d get, but chalked that up to his preference.
My husband was talking with him later and joked with him about his pickiness over the ring. His response was basically, “You’re kidding, right?” Turns out that - at least to hear him tell it - she was the fussy one, and the one who insisted on the diamond’s size. She apparently wanted it to measure up to the engagement rings of two women she knew well - myself and one other woman. My friend frequently makes deprecating comments about this other woman and how materially-driven she is, so I didn’t understand why she felt like she had to compete there, and she knows full well that I’d wanted something small if anything, and that my ring is an heirloom. It stunned me; I guess the social pressure just gets inside the heads of some people you wouldn’t expect it to.
Hmmm, well, I don’t NEED a ring, I certanly wouldn’t dump my guy if I didn’t get one. And I know how he feels about diamonds. But it would be nice to have something. Even if it’s just a plain band, or a small sapphire or something. I’m not big on jewellery, but for that I would wear it.
Well, my husband usually doesn’t wear his ring. He’s never gotten used to wearing jewelry and tends to just not think about it. In fact, I’m not sure he even knows where it is, beyond “somewhere on my desk.” Doesn’t bother me a bit. I didn’t even care if he got one at all, really, but he wanted one.
Wearing a ring, or not, doesn’t have jack to do with how “married” you are, or how seriously you take your relationship, or anything else. My father hasn’t worn a ring in nearly thirty years. He works construction, and rings are dangerous on a job site. He never remembered to put it on when they were going other places, and Mom finally had it melted down, along with hers, to make herself a beautiful new filigree band.
Whether or not to wear a ring is a personal choice, like whether to wear glasses or contacts. You might prefer one or the other, but it’s really not right to unilaterally impose your preferences on someone else.
To me, a ring is important. My ex husband didn’t get me one, and that kind of sentiment was a reoccuring theme in our relationship.
Firstly, it dosen’t have to be a diamond. I would be much happier with a garnet, or something similar in an intiresting cut.
It dosen’t have to be expensive. I saw a ring at CostCo last night that I loved, and it was cushion cut garnet with a little diamond on either side. Nice. It costed about $150.00.
Now, I have to admit here that I have a bit of a fetish. It’s called, OHHHH, SPARKLES Cut glass gets my attention sometimes. I don’t care. It’s shiny.
I also have to sincearly say that I wouldn’t mind a fake rock, as long as it is a nice fake. And I have seen some very nice fakes.
The thought of it really is that the person that I love knows that I love shiny things, and an engagement ring is certainly shiny.
Yep. Mr. Cameron won’t wear one because he’s a mechanic. During his first marriage, he got a really nasty burn when his wedding ring completed a circuit in a car he was working on, and more than once the ring got caught on things, which made him think twice about the safety of wearing any kind of jewelry while working on an engine. I was mildly disappointed, but it certainly wasn’t a dealbreaker, and I’d rather have him with all his fingers and no wedding ring. So neither of us wears one.
I’ve never understood the huge rock engagement ring business, but then again I’ve never understood the idea of surprising someone with a proposal. Shouldn’t you have been discussing it well beforehand, and all the important issues that it will involve, before you make a decision like that? And the Christmas thing–that really seems coercive to me. You really put someone on the spot, publicly proposing like that, and if it’s not putting them on the spot it’s not a surprise, so why pretend it is? I just don’t get it.
I think if you’re with someone whose dealbreaker is getting a flashy ring you can safely tell yourself you’ve had a narrow escape and move on. I’d much rather have one of those vacations you’re talking about.
Baby Fish Mouth said, “I wonder how the ladies on this board would feel if their future groom decided he did not want to wear a wedding ring? Anyone ever been in that situation?”
My husband doesn’t wear one and it didn’t bother me a bit. My dad never wore one either.
I’d much rather spend the money on travel. I’m not really into jewelry or wedding trappings in general, and as stupid as this sounds, I have a slight ring phobia – I’m afraid that they will get stuck on my hand and I will never be able to get them off.
'Course, I’d also just as soon skip the getting married part, if it comes down to that.
When we got engaged, it was mostly on the spur of the moment (mr. genie was planning to ask, but in a couple of months). He took off a silver ring he wore and I wore it, with some tape, for a bit. We thought at first maybe it would be neat to get a cheap silver ring from the street vendors on Telegraph (we lived in Berkeley), but they were all ugly. So we did wind up at a jewelry store, and got a ring of white gold with 3 braided strands, which I now wear on my right hand sometimes. I never wanted a diamond, and we couldn’t have afforded one anyway. I would go for a trip or house over an expensive ring, but we did want something small.
For wedding rings–well, we forgot to buy them until about a week before the ceremony. Mr. genie wanted plain, so his was easy, and he went around to a few stores looking for something I’d like. He found the perfect item–it’s gold with an etched design of vines and leaves–and we got that. Our wedding ceremony did not actually include the rings; after we were officially married, the guy asked us if we had rings and said we could put them on. So it wasn’t that big a deal when my ring turned out to be too small for summer wear (swelled hands!), and we had to go trade in for a slightly different size.
It depends on the situation, I guess. My dad never wore one, because he spent a lot of time with his hands inside large, complex computer-type machines. I think he wears one now that he does something different, though. Mr. genie types all day and currently can’t get his wedding band off. If my husband were, say, a businessman who traveled all the time, I might not like the idea of not wearing a ring–but that’s a theory, since mr. genie is not that person.
Fretful, my mom’s ring was stuck for over 20 years, after she had children. I eventually made her get it cut off and resized. Her finger didn’t turn green or fall off, though. I don’t know if you’ll find that really scary, or what…
I would actually prefer a down payment on a house or nice honeymoon paid for in cash, than a diamond. Yes, that does make me practical but not at all “unsentimental and unromantic” as MLS suggests.
I’m not much into jewelry, a wedding band would be just fine. I’d rather do something that we both think is worthwhile.
What if we turn Baby Fish Mouth’s question around: How would the guys on this board feel if their future bride didn’t want to wear a ring, either wedding or engagement?
I don’t like wearing rings. I told my husband-to-be that there was a good chance I wouldn’t wear a wedding ring. He said that it would please him to see me wear it, but that he would rather I not be uncomfortable. I did find my wedding band uncomfortable. It was rather thick, so I got a thinner band and tried that. That was better, but still not something I want to wear every day. I wear it for “dress-up,” though, and at the occasional times that I want to signal that I am married. (I’m another one who’s parents don’t wear rings. They’re 6 weeks from their 40th anniversary.)
I agree in theory, but if you ask me, there isn’t much thought that goes into a typical engagment ring. Diamond solitaire? How creative! That’s not to say that some guys don’t put a lot of thought into the rings, but I don’t see the average type of ring as being much of a thoughtful gesture.
I (obviously) didn’t have an “engagement ring.” MLS suggests that I must therefore be “incredibly practical, unsentimental and unromantic.” Not at all. I am pretty practical, but hardly unsentimental or unromantic. I suppose I just find sentiment and romance in other areas.
I really don’t know how I would feel if my fiancee refused to wear a wedding ring. If it posed a danger to his job and health, I would completely understand. But if the only reason was because he thought it was a stupid tradition…hmmm. I just don’t know.
On the other hand, I myself would prefer to keep my maiden name when I get married. If my husband had strong feelings about taking his name, I would consider it. I think it just all depends on how much you love this person and are willing to compromise.
I knew my then-boyfriend was NOT a buy-a-diamond type, so I never expected one.
We spent some extra money getting our wedding rings custom designed.
Now that we are coming up on our 10 year anneversary, a little part of me would like one of those diamond-band anneversary rings, but I know that my husband is STILL not a buy-a-diamond kind of guy. Not a big deal.