Six months ago, after being struck by tachyone-infused lightning bolt that hurled you into vat of radioactive yogurt, you gained the ability to transform into a six-foot-two, bronze-skinned beauty with a swimmer’s build, great clavicles, and lowing blonde hair. In your alternate form you possess the powers of superhuman strength & durability, flight, telekinesis, clairvoyance, and a heightened altruism; the latter two persist even in your normal body. For some time you used your powers discreetly, but a week ago you were forced to reveal yourself to the world when you caught a airliner about to crash into Gillette Stadium, following up by rescuing Dick Cheney from mercenaries hired to deliver him to a war crimes trial, and finally saving a poor innocent hippopotamus from poachers.
The news media went crazy over you, of course. After some internal debate you’ve agreed to let Anderson Cooper have the get on account of him being so cute. As you’re flying to Atlanta for the interview, you eavesdrop on an CNN broadcast pimping his scoop, and you discover that he – or somebody at CNN, anyway – has given you a superhero moniker: Golden Girl.
Your superbod looks about 30 years old. Do you put up with that condescending shit, or tell Anderson to call you, I don’t know, Warrior Woman or something?
I would’ve developed a persona while doing my discreet superhero work ahead of time to prevent something like this happening when I went public.
But let’s assume they hated that name and chose “Golden Girl” anyway. I probably would start yelling “Golden Gal” whenever possible, because hey, I like alliteration, but I’m not a girl.
If we’re going with cheesy though, I’ve already chosen my superhero name and it’s Power Lass.
[ol]
[li]Power Lass is still basically a kid hero’s name–either a sidekick or a member of the Legion of Superheroes.[/li][li]It’s also very close to Power Girl, and since your superbod has a swimmer’s bod you may not want that cleavage window.[/li][li]I forgot the third problem but it has to do with Carol Danvers.[/li][li]Okay, I just felt like linking to this.[/li][li]God damn it, are there no heroines left with reasonable-sized boobs?[/li][/ol]
Before I even worry about a name, I must immediately put myself into therapy to figure out why I saved Dick Cheney, a man who deserves every last ounce of pain, misery and grief that the Universe and all the gods and goddesses can deliver to him. It distresses me deeply that I interfered with even a small part of that process.
Once I’m in my right mind again, I will announce that you all may henceforth call me simply “Golden.”
Obviously you saw what appeared to be terrorists attacking a frail old man, kicked their asses completely by reflex, and when you realized what you had done said, “Well, shit. That’ll teach me not to use my clairvoyance to suss out the situation first.”
Common rookie mistake. Anyway, you can always drag Cheney to the Hague as soon as you’re done trying to seduce [del]Anderson Cooper[/del] David Muir.
I get what you mean about Lass, but it’s unused often enough that I could probably start tweaking the meaning in America. (Really though I stole that name from a prize cow, I didn’t think of the future implications). Though, if I had to pick one DC superheroine it’s gonna be Power Girl. I don’t even know that much about her but her attitude, from what I’ve seen, resonates. So if I get lumped in with her I’ll be ok with that. We can leave the boob window out though.
Power Girl rocks. I expect she does the cleavage window because (a) guys are gonna stare at her boobs no matter what, (2) it’s a secret test of character for male heroes, and (c) just in case she needs an excuse to punch Tony Stark in the face.
Also, what’s wrong with the Bronze Bitch? A physical-type alter deserves an intimidating name, not something that sounds like the winner of a beauty contest at the Waffle House. Besides, it will pre-empt the internet haters.
Really, I’m not going to try too hard. The public is a many headed hydra, and this is one battle that just not winnable. I’d probably roll my eyes every time I heard it, but just move along with the interview and then go eat as much cake as I want.
Although I’m a dude, I imagine that, in that particular situation, I’d want a non-“girl” and perhaps even gender-neutral superheroine name. Hmm. WWII aircraft and British warship names have a certain ring. Just brainstorming here, but how about:
I like Dauntless. I had a HC Diablo Sorceress named Dauntless. But I agree - this is an unwinnable battle. The Mob has Decided and there’s nothing to be done but act gracious.
Besides, I couldn’t actually go around telling people, “No, no - please call me Dauntless.” I’d feel like a total prat.
Without offering an opinion I’ll say it’s an interesting question. The tag ‘boy’ for a man doesn’t have quite the same connotation as ‘girl’ for a woman, but it’s close. When both sexes get into their golden years the terms may be preferable to remind them of their youth. For young women I can see it’s a bit more complex. In the case of Supergirl the name is already well established. But we also have Wonder Woman and Cat Woman. And I guess She-Superman wouldn’t go over quite right. I’m curious to see the results. Carry on.
‘Golden Girl’ is a terrible name; it’s offensive to almost everyone.
‘Girl’ is sexist and offensive to men, suggesting that they can never achieve such a level of heroism. It’s also offensive to trans people that may self identify as female but lack such a body type. I’d suggest something more gender neutral.
‘Golden’ is just awful. Gold is commonly associated with wealth; are you suggesting that only rich people can aspire to such heroism?
Additionally, Gold is traditionally given in the form of medals to winners at sporting competitions and suchlike; associating with this word is offensive to those people that are maybe not the strongest in their field and may not be able to attain such accolades.
So, I suggest a new name, one that is reasonably sure not to cause offence:
