Lamest Cartoon Series Ever

Cafe Society
1

Oh, there’s plenty of contenders. But I’m going to put in my vote for Winnie Witch.

I only saw Winnie Witch cartoons on reruns of the Banana Splits Show. There were other forgettable offerings on there. I remember Squidley Diddley being chased around his Seaworld-esque home by a poor man’s version of Stanley Livingston. I remember Secret Squirrel and his flasher coat, and his mole sidekick based on Peter Lorre. I remember “Up and atooom, Atom Ant!”

But so help me, I cannot remembering a damn thing about Winnie Witch, other than the Banana Splits’ Fleagle announcing, “It’s time for some witchcraft with Winnie Witch!”

When your routine intro is more memorable than your act, then you are lameness personified.

Really. I can remember nothing about her. She had dark hair, I think, but that’s it.

Others? Or else Winnie Witch defenders? Speak now.

2

worker and parasite

3

Clutch Cargo, with its weird live-action mouths?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clutch_Cargo
4

JOT the Dot. JOT was a white splotch with arms and legs who faced a child’s level choice between good and bad in every episode. The cartoon was produced by the Southern Baptists, and had heavy references to Jesus and the Bible.

In this episode, JOT lies to his mother AND learns the meaning of the word “abomination.”

It makes Davey and Goliath look like Toy Story.

5

Good choice, but the whole creepy mouth thing makes Clutch memorable. It also had a fantastic bongo and woodwind theme song. (What was that, a flute? An oboe?)

6

Speed Racer/Marine Boy
King Kong
Hercules (Newton should be euthanized)
another Clutch mention

7

Great Googly Mook! Winnie Witch doesn’t even have a Wikipedia entry! That means I hallucinated the whole thing!

No wait, she comes up on Google. Well, that’s a relief.

8

The actual stories were pretty good. What they saved on animation, they used to pay their writers.

There were a bunch of second-string Hanna-Barbera shows – Magilla Gorilla, Wally Gator, Touche Turtle and Dum Dum, Lippy the Lion and Hardy Har Har, Ricochet Rabbit, etc. All had catchy theme songs but nothing else.

King Leonardo was also pretty bad – the same plot every episode. The other cartoons that shared the half hour – Tooter Turtle and The Hunter – were no better.

9

How can they be bad? It took them 9 years to make 30 episodes, so they must all be of the highest quality.

10

Oh, I remember Winnie Witch, but not until you mentioned her.

She started her broom by clicking her heels and saying, “Aca…paca…PULCO”

I one episode she met some kids, who kinda outsmarted her, then she went, fine, g’hed and tell your parents. The kids came back, sullen.

“Well kids, how’d it go?”

soap bubbles emerge from their mouths"Telling the truth is one thing, being bubblebelieved is another. bubble

God. I wasted a lot of afternoons that I should have spent studying.

Along the vein of that Spiderman cartoon, “Spiderman Spiderman, does whatever a spider can” and the Iron Man, Thor, Hulk cartoon (That ever lovin’ Hulk. Hulk Hulk. The one whose Iron Man’s them is Rhodey’s ringtone for Tony in the Iron Man movie,) there was another one. It had a cold open, it just started, then eventually they wrote some starting credits, I think it had young Marvel comic characters, at the very least I recall it had Robin, essentially flying across the screen. That one’s a complete blank. ANd no, I’m not conflating Teen Titans.

There was a Saturday cartoon that was later, it had Mandrake, and his adopted kid, Flash Grodon and his son, the Phantom and his daughter, (son and daughter had like a thing for each other,) and maybe another character?

Anyway, one episode I recall, Ming’s (or some other intergalactic villan’s son) overthrows his father, and tries to force the daughter to marry him. Unfortunately for him, her telepathic command of animal life allowed her to turn a dragon they got as a wedding gift against him.

Sheesh. So much worthless trivia. There’s gotta be a way I can use this to earn a living.

11

Heh - I can hear the sarcastic laughter of childhood friends glumly going “hardy har harrrr”,
Or going “Bing bing BING!!! Ricocheeeeeeeet Rabbit!”

12

Cartoon Curmudgeon?

13

I’m not going to make fun of cartoon series just because they’re old. Some were OK. Some were pretty clever. But there WEREE plenty of lame ones:

**dodo, the Ki from Outer Space

The New Three Stooges

The New Adventures of Abbott and Costello** (notable only because it gave a paycheck to an aging Bud Abbott, who used to get dressed in a full suit to record his parts.)

Tales of The Wizard of Oz – Tales of the Wizard of Oz (TV Series 1961– ) - IMDb and Tales of the Wizard of Oz - Wikipedia

THESE were lame TV shows. At least The Adventures of Commander Bleep! ( Colonel Bleep - Wikipedia ) featured a cool alien as the hero, and science fiction ideas.

14

c.1982 there was a string of arcade game themed Saturday morning cartoons that were all uniformly terrible. They existed only as commercials and because arcade games were the hot new thing. Amazingly, a foul-mouthed sphere hopping around a ziggurat doesn’t translate into great stories. Also we had Rubik, the Amazing Cube which was the same garbage in physical toy form instead of arcade game. I don’t remember anything much about them aside from, even as a kid with a bowl of cereal in his lap, realizing that these were insultingly bad.

There was also the Godzilla cartoon where I’d sit through twenty intolerable minutes of Godzooky the cute “baby” monster to maybe get thirty seconds of recycled Godzilla cartoon footage. I would just tune out the plot until I heard Godzilla roar.

15

I grew up in the 80s, a time when network execs in charge of Saturday morning cartoon would literally greenlight anything, giving us timeless classic such as:

Kissyfur - escaped circus bears escape to a swamp and start a taxi company.
Potato Head Kids - kinda like Muppet Babies, only with… anthropomorphic potatoes.
Denver the Last Dinosaur - he wears sunglasses, skateboards, and plays the electric guitar. If your grandparents were forced to come up with a “cool” cartoon character in the 80s, it would be exactly this.
ALF Tales - you read that correctly.
Wuzzles - a group of bizarre winged hybrid animals
Rubik the Amazing Cube - no comment necessary.
Pac-Man - no comment necessary.
Popples - no comment necessary.
Teen Wolf - :smack:
Shirt Tales - based on characters that originated in Hallmark cards. Seriously.
The Fonz and the Happy Days Gang - yeah, this happened.
Laverne & Shirley in the Army - seriously? Seriously.

16

DCnDC might’ve just won this thread.

17

Yes, it does, but under its actual title, “Winsome Witch.” (“Winsome W. Witch - the W stands for Wacky”)

My choice: Fox’s Allen Gregory

18

Defenders of the Earth? I’ll admit to liking it once up on a time. Fortunately, I have not seen it in my adulthood.

19

The Three Robonic Stooges and Wheelie and the Chopper Bunch were the most boring cartoons I remember watching.
Sherlock Holmes in the 21st Century was memorably lame because one of the characters spoke only using Foley sounds.

20

Top Cat was another Hannah Barbera cartoon that had a nifty opening and good song, but the actual plotlines were boring or unintelligible to the average eight year old.

I thought that maybe it was due to my youth that I didn’t care for Top Cat, but I recently youtubed up an episode and tried to watch it. Nope, it really was boring and pointless.