As you may recall from a past thread, this is THE WORST MOVIE EVER MADE. You will have to shower in Clorox after you see it. The final fade-out will turn even the most heartfelt Christian into a raving atheist.
Anyway, AMC is running it, 4:00–6:00 A.M. EST, early Friday morning.
Don’t say you weren’t warned . . .
Every time I see the name of that movie, I think of the James Caan/Sally Field vehicle, Kiss Me Goodbye…
Any relation?
Good lord, no . . . This is, well, imagine that John Waters had rewritten “Picnic” and gotten Ed Wood, Jr. to direct it.
It is deranged. And not in a NICE way.
Eve, http://www.imdb.com has only a cast listing on its page for Kiss Her Goodbye. You should write a review for them.
The kind of words I’d use, I don’t think they’d print it . . .
DO catch this film, if only so you can tell your grandchildren you survived it!
Thanks for the reminder. I’ll go set my VCR now.
Oh man! 4 am? My VCR is broken! Aaaagh! I guess that means I’ll just have to go to bed, oh, right about now.
“The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his ribcage.” --anonymous redhead
I didn’t know that anyone could master each element of filmmaking and bring them all together at once. I’m not sure which was my favorite:
The emotional range of the actors.
The understated score.
The effective use of light and shadow.
The natural, non-intrusive cinematography.
The tightly knit plot.
The sexual undertones subtly suggested by Emily’s costumes.
The gradual unfolding of the hidden depths of human emotion.
The steady buildup to the inevitable conclusion.
One effect deserves special note: The director toyed with our emotions by creating a town which could grow or shrink at will – sometimes there were only five or six people in a deserted little “bucolic backwater”, at other times it was a full-fledged seaside resort with a fishing fleet, a movie house and a carnival. I feel this was intended to suggest the universality of the human condition, the common bond with all mankind. Seeking to be one, we become many – and yet a multitude can be contained in a single heart.
I must also mention the small but essential role of the Latina housekeeper. It holds just enough irony to be the cornerstone and capstone of the piece. She is the essential oracle that reveals the true meaning behind the play-acting.
That’ll do, pig. That’ll do.
I couldn’t sleep last night so I got up and remembered that this movie was on. It had already been on for about 25 minutes but I think I watched enough of it to see why you thought it was a horrible movie. [ :eek:]
This movie absolutely sucked! I’ve just now recovered from the shock that such a product made it to film. Not to mention broadcast on American Movie Classics. The only logical explanation is tonight was Crappy Movie Night on AMC.
“Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.”
Oh, Grace, I am so sorry you didn’t stay up for the horrifically tasteless and unsettling fade-out!
Pluto, I’m so glad you “got it.” It’s like a car accident, isn’t it? Can’t wait till Ike returns my copy so I can watch it again and again . . .
So, do you think Beefy Guy and Sexy Retarded Chick were really brother and sister, or were they, ummm, you know?
Well, I taped it and I’ll watch it tonight.
But it’s up against stiff competition. The
Sci-Fi channel ran Salem’s Lot last night.
Whoo boy, what a stinker.
Oops, just checked. It was Return to Salem’s Lot they showed last night.
Couldn’t figure out why the IMDB had such a good review for Salem’s Lot 
From the little I watched this morning it was certainly hideous but not in an Plan Nine From Outer Space way or like Pink Flamingoes. Its hideousness was more in a, well, mundant and pointless way. I had to leave for work about the time the idiot blonde girl was threatening to throw the baby off the boat. I’ll watch the whole thing this weekend but my first impression is this: if an infinite number of chimpanzees had an infinte number of Mitchell cinema cameras and an infinte quantity of 35mm film stock they would make movies like this one more often than not.
Come let us go, I’ve a cask of amontillado.
Ummmmmmm…I’m s’posed to RETURN that tape?
[hopes Eve doesn’t notice that it’s now filled with 12 episodes of WASHINGTON WEEK IN REVIEW]
Uke
Well, I don’t know what’s most unsettling in this little gem:
• The hot-and-heavy relationship between the so-called “siblings” (Sexy Retarded Girl and Beefy Guy)
• The love scenes between middle-aged, horse-faced Elaine Stritch and Beefy Guy
• The love scenes between Sexy Retarded Girl and the young John Carradine clone
• What’s going on with Elaine Stritch and her demented old farher?
• The hula-hoop scene with Sexy Retarded Girl
• The creepy, unwholesome Floyd-the-barber type garage owner with the golfer wife
• Or the ending (“What’s the WORST possible way we could end this film?”)
Oh, I nearly forgot the monkey-bar striptease performed by Sexy Retarded Girl at the playground! [shudder]
ARGGGHHHH!!! I set my VCR to the wrong channel! Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn!
DAMN!
I think my subconscious was trying to tell me something. Apparently it was that an episode of “History’s Mysteries” about Roswell on the History Channel was a better use of megnetic tape. Could “Kiss Her Goodbye” have been that bad?
“Could “Kiss Her Goodbye” have been that bad?”
—Ike says he’ll watch it this weekend. He’ll let you know on Monday if Pluto and I are exaggerating.
Eve, I was going to reprimand you for missing the monkey bars but you recovered.
The sexual innuendoes were excruciating. It would probably have been simpler to have everyone take their clothes off and just shoot this as porn – then the rest of the production qualities would at least have been consistent. But, painfully, you have to think that someone was really trying to convey something. I shudder to think what it might be.
Two other remarkable features about this Oscar contender:
WARNING: SPOILERS!! (Hah! As if anything could spoil the carefully crafted progress of this film!)
As you suggested, Eve, who are all these people? I can see where The Hunk, the Frustrated Woman, the Innocent Sexpot, the Dirty Old Man and maybe even the Farmboy have something to do with the story – but the Dad, the Granny (gratuitously blind!), the Sheriff, the Dad’s Friend who swears to his lies, and the Baby (especially the Baby!) – why are they there at all? My favorite extraneous, unconnected character, as you might have guessed, was the Sultry Housekeeper – if she’s making “special dinners” every night why is the garage owner chasing the girl or even calling his wife?
Whatever the girl’s problem was (which, consitent with the level of continuity exhibited throughout the film, jumped all around from simple retardation to nymphomania to violent psychotic delusions) it seems like the brother’s whole purpose was to take care of his sister. Yet every single dramatic event occurs because he has left her alone and unguarded. After a while they stop even inventing implausible reasons for him to leave – he just goes and The Queen of Disturbing Behavior does something disturbing. At the very end when he realizes she has killed old whosis, what does he do? Does he ask his new sweetheart to watch her? Does he take her with him? Does he lock her in her room? No! He just leaves, allowing the story to grind on to its stunning conclusion.
This film should be required viewing for everyone in the film industry. And every time the film they’re working on reminds them, at any level, of “Kiss Her Goodbye” they can say to themselves, “No. It’s been done badly already. I’ll do it right instead.”
Oh my god.
That sounds like a shoe-in for me and my mates’ “Let’s see who can bring the worst movie” night. Somehow, I doubt it will be available in my local video store, sadly.
So I propose a trade:
Some Canadian Beer for a copy of this film.
Whaddya say?