Latest silly Tolkien thread: What if there had been a second rebellion among the Valar?

I mean during the First Age, of course, and specifically during the War of the Jewels. I’ve never imagined that all the Valar were on board for the whole hands-off-Morgorth thing; that seemed more of Manwë/Mandos thing. Ulmo honored that policy mostly in the breach; and I can’t imagine Tulkas, Yavanna, and Aulë were any happier about it.

Let’s suppose that I’m right, and further suppose that something was born of this discontent. At some point or other – say after the Nirnaeth Arnoediad, or even the Dagor Bragollach – Ulmo had said to Manwë, “You know something, Elder King? Fuck this shit. The vast Edain do not deserve what’s happening to them; neither do Moriquendi or the Dwarves. Hell, most of the Noldor don’t deserve it. Tulkas and I are heading over the Sea; Morgoth has ordered an ass-whipping, and it’s about time somebody delivered it. We’re taking volunteers among our own Maiar to deal with the Balrogs, Orcs, & such. Who’s with us?”

I always thought Meassë and Makar might have gone over to Melkor’s side sometime around Nirnaeth Arnoediad, if JRRT hadn’t edited them out of SIL.

Had they gone over, I think they would have effectively been able to neutralize Tulkas, slap the orcs into an effective fighting force, and probably taught both the Valaraukar and the uruloki a bit about more effective tactics and strategy. There might have been no Evening Star then!

I can see the War of Wrath turning out differently then. You betcha!

I never saw them as the tactics, strategy, and discipline sort of war gods, like Athena, but more the chaos, havoc, and mayhem sort, more like Ares. And frankly, the orcs have never really needed much help in that regard.

All of the Valar but Morgoth acknowledged that Manwe was closest in thought and purpose to Eru Himself. That’s why he got the gig as head honcho, after all. Although his passivity and naivete is incredibly annoying to you, me and 99.97% of everyone else who’s ever read The Silmarillion, he does seem to be doing Eru’s bidding, and I doubt there would be so open a defiance of his policy. And if there had been, such dissension and strife among the Valar would in the long run have suited Morgoth just fine, and further marred Arda, leading to who knows what kind of unanticipated problems down the road. “Even the Wise cannot see all ends,” after all.