WAG: People from other countries, especially (at least in my experience) Asian ones, who choose an “American” personal name in addition to their given name. Like I had a tai chi instructor who was named Xiao-Ling as her given name but picked the similar-sounding Charlene as her “American name.”
You have multiple cousins named Sarah?! I don’t think I’m one of them! My cousin in question lives out of the country, and I don’t have relatives in Ohio.
At least I’m pretty sure my cousin didn’t hyphenate her name…her husband already had a hyphenated name, so three names and two hyphens would be really unwieldy!
I have over 100 first cousins and I don’t know how many of the more extended kind. So yeah. 
Wow! I have a friend who has 50 some first cousins, and I thought that was a lot. That’s amazing!
Hyphenated names remind me of posh public school educated Brits.
Generally I’m all about calling people in the manner in which they prefer to be called. My last name is misspelled a lot, so I have to correct people at times. But it’s always done politely and only when it’s necessary (like if you are putting my name on a program). If you send me a card I’m thankful that you sent a card, and I’ll send one back with my name spelled correctly. Most people get this subtle hint and make the correction without much prodding. Likewise, my wife’s first name is one of those that has multiple spellings, and she doesn’t get worked up about it.
I once applied for a job where the application had to be mailed to Toby SmithWilliams. I thought for sure that was a typo and it should have been “Toby Smith-Williams.” I got a reply back reminding me that there was no hyphen in “SmithWilliams.”
The fuck? You can’t create new rules and expect the rest of society to blindly follow them! I instantly filed Toby under “prat,” and went about my business. Didn’t get the job, but it was in Stockton - so I’m eternally grateful it didn’t work out!
I did the same thing, until someone called and asked for Mrs. Hisname, and it turned out to be the new dentist’s office. Oops. Now I ask “Who’s calling?” first before I tell them (politely!) to piss off.
I get privately annoyed at envelope-addressing idiots who should know better, but do things like “John and Mary Hisname” (I kept my name and have NEVER used his) or worse, “John and Mary Hisname/Hername” (what the hell is THAT???). Come on people, how did you address things to us when we were cohabiting but single? That’s right:
John Hisname and Mary Hername
Is that so hard? Apparently so.
But I roll my eyes and mumble about the sender’s apparent IQ level. I don’t write them a snotty note. The bitch in the OP was an ass.
Honey? Is that you? When I got engaged not one person asked me seriously if I was keeping my maiden name. It is a pretty damned good assumption that if attorneys meet you and offer to do a name change for you for free that you will either a. marry the first person named Smith you meet or b. willingly take any other name offered.
Had I known I wasn’t going to get married until I was 32, I would have invested in a name change much sooner. Trust me, it’s hard being a shy, delicate, lotus blossom when your name is half porn/half pain.
I once told a customer I was going to give her a gift that would last a lifetime. I told her my maiden name. Every time she comes in, she thanks me for it.
One side of my family is named “Hoar”, maybe we are related.
My intended already has a double barrel name which I intend to take post nuptials in preference to my own. I like the idea of my taking my husband’s name while my brother continues my family name.
I can’t really see myself getting in a tizz if someone forgets to hyphenate or refers to me by my maiden name. I will certainly let it be known at work, to my utility providers, bank services etc that I have changed my name, and if a friend referred to me verbally or in correspondence by my maiden name I will affectionately point out that I am married now and have take his name.
But to be vociferously offended by a perceived slight, when nothing more than an accident seems like far too much effort all round to me! 
Now THAT is a band name. A big band, with their own dance troupe and everything, headlining in Vegas.
Personally my own name is considered so weird and wacky over here, and I have had it misspelled and mispronounced so often that I am totally blasé about the whole thing, and it totally baffles me when people get out of their pram about little errors. My colleague who got married and took his wife’s name, on the other hand. Oy, the poor chap nearly went bonkers…
I figure there are three appropriate responses.
The first is to say “oh, its Mary Herlastname. We have different last names” (Or, “Its Kari, not Carrie, people make that mistake all the time” or whatever).
Roll your eyes and pity the sender’s apparent IQ level.
Roll your eyes and pity someone who can’t come up with a better insult than to misspell your name.
Next year, have your label printed this way
Mary HYPHEN Jean Jones HYPHEN Moffett
(Honey, when you print the labels be sure to
check if the hyphens printed–it upsets Miss Moffett for some reason–then delete this line)
Address line 1
Address line 2
City, State, Zip
What’s this about lines now? I think you’re making life unnecessarily difficult with so many specifications.
You must be joking. We might be in a transition period when it comes to family names, but surely the age of etiquette books is safely dead.
Okay, addressing envelopes constitutes a new metric for “stupid,” apparently.
As I said before, people screw up my name all the time, especially people in my own ethnic group. I think the hyphenbeast in the OP and everyone else would be better off if they were a little less uptight about honest mistakes.
Plus, the more “rules” you have about the “correct” way of writing your name (different lines? where does the “and” go), the more opportunity you create for errors.
Just relax, folks. There’s enough stress in the world already. No need to get worked up over envelopes.
This one drives me up the wall too. We Americans have all kinds of names. You don’t need to adopt a special Anglo name just for us.
You know, like how you’d address an envelope to an unmarried couple.
First person’s name
Second person’s name
Address
City, state, zip
It’s not like I’m asking someone to have a full set of ice cream forks (yes they’re real) for their table place settings.
That was the intent, but a sad joke indeed, as all of this information can be found online as well yet few use it.
Then perhaps it’s not etiquette books that are dead, but etiquette itself.
No, that’s the Fantabulous (unhyphenated) Derferndorffers you’re thinking of. And they’re a dance troupe with their own band, not vice versa. Bands have names like Coon-Sanders, Sleater-Kinney, or Sauter-Finegan.
This strikes me as especially ridiculous. Essentially expecting the rest of society to expend additional attention to your personal quirks.
I’ll do my best to honor anyone’s choice as to their surname, but personally, I have no interest in trying to keep track of what different surnames a couple chooses to give to each of their various kids. I might - MIGHT - try to keep this straight for my and my wife’s siblings if they were so silly, but anyone else, I’d just figure it wasn’t worth trying to keep track.
So I guess I’ll go on record to say that all children born of a particular union ought to have the same surname. To do otherwise is stupid. Just my opinion.
It seems to me that even having a rule this specific is a waste of societo-cultural time and energy. Actually expecting people to adhere to it? I think you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of unnecessary disappointment.
Come on, it’s just an envelope; it’s not an everlasting monument memorializing the “proper” way to write your name.
There was only one couple on my x-mas list where they have different names.
I addressed it as always to:
Mary Jones and David Smith - all on one line.
So am I supposed to think I’ve been pissing them off all these years?
BTW - I know they have kids, but I have no idea what surnames those kids use. And don’t care enough to find out or try to keep track.