Law & Order SVU 5/19: So absurd I'm done with you

I’ve been a faithful watcher for pretty much the entire series. I’ve endured some preposterous plots. I’ve swallowed some ridiculous pills for story arcs, character development, you name it. But that shit you just asked me to swallow is just too much. I must leave you now.

The plot: Woman is raped but fights off her attacker who is arrested. Rapist says she asked her to rape him on this website where rape fantasies come true. Woman denies ever having been there. Police find porn on her computer; don’t know who to believe. Turns out the website posts and porn were uploaded by a Trojan planted on her computer by her stalker ex-boyfriend, who’s a computer consultant that works for the Department of Justice, and had followed her to NYC and moved in across the street. He is arrested.

Mind you, as a regular viewer, none of this is implausible enough for me to write this show off.

Moving on: ADA goes to the judge to get a restraining order on the boyfriend b/c he tried to attack her again. Another judge passes by, and offers to review the petition. Refuses. ADA says “you of all people should be concerned about this case.” Turns out the judge’s son was kidnapped at three years old and murdered by a serial murderer several years ago. Judge reminds her that as a judge that shouldn’t sway his judgment. He agrees to take the case for the other judge.

At trial, stalker rapist is disruptive and gets held in contempt. As he’s being led away, he recites some Aesop fable about tyrants. Judge gives an odd look. Det. Stabler takes the stand to affirm that his interrogation was above board. After trial judge calls him into his office, b/c he wants him to go to prison and interrogate the man accused of killing his son. The serial killer was caught, and has divulged the location of all his victim’s bodies, except the judge’s, due to some grudge against the legal system. Stabler agrees to go talk to him.

Back to the trial, judge is distracted by text messages from Stabler - finally Stabler gets the guy to talk. The judge stops court for the day to go look at the body. Looks like the body was moved, but they found a bunch of blood.

Next day, the Detectives visit the ME. ME says it’s not the judge’s son’s body. ME says the judge gave her a hair sample to DNA map - it’s the rapists’ hair sample. Concerned and confused, they head to court. The judge does not show up for court. Turns out he visited with the rapist in jail and got him to confess that he’d been sexually abused his whole life. They go to the judge’s house and find him with blood on him, and a man tied up and beaten. Turns out the man is the rapist’s father.

They ask the judge how he got the hair sample, as the rapist doesn’t remember him taking one. Judge says “from his baby book.” Turns out the rapist on trial was really his son, who was kidnapped and abused by the man the judge was beating. When he heard the kid recite the Aesop fable, he knew it was his son. He hired Stabler to confirm that the body they found wasn’t his son’s. At the end, the son / rapist shows up, the father asks him to remember how he heard that fable, the son suddenly realizes that this is his dad. Even though he was three when he was kidnapped and previously had no idea that the man that abused him wasn’t his real father.

They tearfully embrace. The End.

Are you fucking KIDDING me? It just so happens that this judge was walking by and took a case, and it just so happens that the guy on trial was his long lost kidnapped-at-three-years-old-and-presumed-dead son, and it just so happens that he figured this out by hearing him recite an Aesop fable?

No. Sale.

Goodbye, SVU.

I rarely/never say this - but this line made me LOL.

After Law & Order: Original Recipe has gone to shit, I clung to L&O:SVU as the last hope. Then they did that ham-handed show a couple of weeks ago with Swoozie Kurtz as the corrupt judge. L&O:OR has done Corrupt Judge before, and done it well, and the contrast was horrible. She somehow doesn’t recognize Stabler undercover and gets tricked in so obvious a way that anyone on their guard would notice. It was such a waste of her and the rest of the production that I gave up.

This same plot was also used on *The Closer *during its first season. Without all that crazy stuff at the end, though…

Yeah. That episode was WAY beyond the bizarreness of your typical SVU episode. I’ve seen every episode and this was by far the most unbelievable and way out there. It didn’t make *any *kind of sense! So did the judge always know that the convicted child killer did not actually kill his son? Or did he always suspect his son was still alive? So one day he hears a man repeat a line from a famous fable he used to recite to him as a child, and immediately suspects the man is really his son, whom he had believed was killed 20+ years ago? Riiiiight. Where does the father/rapist of the stalker boyfriend fit in? Was he an accomplice of the convicted man, or a completely separate case?

Anyone know who played the stalker boyfriend? I kept thinking he looked like James Barbour, but that would be too strange if it was him.

Morbo, Morbo, MORBO!

You have made the classic rookie mistake of watching SVU with the sound on.

A wise man watches SVU only with the sound off, and pays attention only when Mariska Hargitay, Current Improbably Hot ADA, or Stabler’s wife is on screen.

Some also pay attention when Requisite Hot Victim is discovered bound and gagged with her own panties, seconds away from being buggered by a Doberman when Olivia rescues her and then draws her to her bosom for a maternal-yet-hot comforting hug, but I personally find that makes me feel skeevy.

I sat on a jury for a few days, and the two prosecutors on the case were an ugly old guy and a hot younger woman. I thought it was just that way on TV, but hey, there it was in St. Louis Circuit Court, a living cliche.

Although the old guy reminded me not as much of Jack McCoy as he reminded me of the defense attorney in Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. Or the Matlock Chicken guy from Family Guy or wherever that was from.

Futurama, name of Hyperchicken or MatCluck. He once won a case by arguing that the fact that the defendent hired him was proof of incompetancy to stand trial.

SVU lost me when Diane Neal went blonde.

So did NCIS.

I haven’t seen that episode of NCIS, but I guarantee you it was, though probably just as odd as the episode of SVU in question, more interesting overall and interspersed with moments of genuine humor.

Or you could replace the dialog with clucking.

Definitely. Although the high point of SVU was when Cabot was ADA. I still watch it because it’s still enjoyable, but it’s not as remotely serious as it was during those years. It seems like every episode they try to shove in 2 to 3 different “ripped from the headlines” type stories.

You’re quite right, not least because it’s arguable that, from time to time, Benson would show up at Cabot’s apartment without warning, Cabot would kick out anybody who happened to be there, and they’d have incredibly hot monkey sex, all without ever saying a word and without ever talking about it afterwards. Not to mention that

the same thing still happens with Munch and Finn.

The funny thing is, there was an episode after Cabot went into witness protection where she came back to testify against the guy who tried to murder her. There was a VERY awkward scene with her and Benson that really made me think it ended with them in bed…

Of course, the funniest thing is that a former rapist from one season is the current ADA.

People thought they were lovers long ere that scene. That scene was total fan service.

<digression>Sam Waterston himself was at the matinee of THE SINGING FOREST at the Public Theater on Saturday, sitting a few rows behind me. He’s very tall, his hair is very fluffy and white, he was wearing jeans and a polo shirt, and he looks very cheerful and younger offscreen. I’d last seen him live playing Henry Carr in Stoppard’s TRAVESTIES, so absurdist theater seems to be his thing.</digression>

That was Diane Neal - she’s gone now. Cabot’s back as ADA! Which I also found… improbable. But they said that the guys who wanted to kill her were dead, so apparently she can resume her old life. :dubious:

And I agree that this season has gone seriously downhill. As has L&O:CI. And now Life has been cancelled. So what am I supposed to watch?

Okay, okay… I can’t quit the L&O franchise. I’ll keep watching. I’ll just have to roll my eyes more.

What bothered me was that, as improbably as it was, they had a pretty good story going on - before all the crap with the judge.

NOOOOOOO!

I’m stuck with The Mentalist - talk about watching only for the eye candy. I expect to catch up on Criminal Minds I haven’t seen over the summer.