L&O: SVU sucks most royally

Cafe Society
1

Take any episode.

A few of the regulars are in the office discussing their latest case. “The problem is we have no idea who this scumbag is”. Finn walks into shot. “I wouldn’t be too sure of that. I just found …”

Later in the office, discussing again. “We can’t even prove he drugged them.” Doctor enters. “Oh yes we can. I just ran another tox screen …”

Still later, the Captain, Stabler, Finn and Munch, do another round robin (one line each). “Where the hell do we start looking for this guy?”. Olivia appears. “How about at his home? I just got a hit on the driver license …”

After some action sequences we find most of the squad assembled in the office again. “We haven’t got a thiing on this guy. His computer gave us nothing.” Enter computer technician (with knowing smile). “Actually it did. I just found an encrypted section …”

More action. Another hitch in the case. Another session of one-line-each from the squad. “This perp is gonna walk!” Munch strides in. “No, he won’t. I just found our witness …”

Later. Blah blah blah. “This case is history!” ADA enters scene. “Not on my watch! I just got our evidence back in …”

Even later. Mumble mumble. Doom and gloom. “Nothing we an do, guys.” Janitor walks in. “Oh yes there is! I was sweeping the floor and I found …”

OK, no janitor, but I swear to God I just watched an episode where no less than five times we get a character entering with a snappy answer that continues the previous conversation and a vital break in the case. If I wanted to write a parody of SVU I could save time by just producing this script. (It’s the one where a serial rapist is drugging his victims so they remember nothing).

It’s just lazy writing, writing by rote. This show stinks. I love the other two franchises, the scripts are mostly well-written and the acting is good. But this …

And yet it’s this piece of dreck that picks up all the Emmys. Unbelievable. Perhaps it’s the subject (it’s certainly nothing else). Mariska catches pervs and pedophiles. Give her the Emmy!

Surely they can’t continue like this for long? I mean, somebody will notice, right?

Enter media guy. “Actually we can and they won’t. I’ve just pulled up the Nielsens for …”

2

That show is an utter disgrace to the Constitution

The producers should market Law and Order SVU toilet paper, so you can literally wipe your ass with the constitution instead of just figuratively wiping it with the show’s teleplay.

3

I only watch the show for 2 reasons: Casey Novak and Alex Cabot. And not for their lawyering skills.

4

I want Stabler to try to rough up a suspect, only to find out too late that the guy is ex-Special Forces with multiple black belts.

5

But is Stabler, so it would be the awesomest TV fight evar!

6

I only watch for Mariska Hargitay. Her boobs never fall out.

7

I watched a few of these until I figured out that while they say all the right things about rape and rape victims and yadda yadda yadda, they’re ultimately doing nothing but using rape and rapists and rape victims for nothing more than titillation; they’re exploiting rape purely for entertainment value. Kinda gross.

8

nvm

9

What, are you against denoucing rape!?:stuck_out_tongue:

10

SVU is still way better than Criminal Intent, which is mainly about watching Vincent D’Onofrio getting older, grayer, fatter and weirder while conducting plodding, psychologically deep investigations. Sort of like a chubby Hercule Poirot on downers.

Even with all the plot recyclings, SVU has more interesting stories and better-looking babes.

The entire Law & Order franchise operation really needs to be retired. There’s enough rerun potential to keep fans happy well into the next decade.

11

I only watch it for one reason: Tamara Tunie.

I can’t stand the rest of them. Even *Criminal Intent *was bearable compared to SVU. D’Onofrio can certainly get on your nerves, but I did think Kathryn Erbe had her good moments.

12

I figure if I watch L&O:CI long enough I’ll get to actually see Vincent D’Onofrio physically turn into Orson Welles (old, fat Orson). He’s more than halfway there already.

13

I like your OP. :slight_smile:

I’ve mentioned before that I hung in there until they wasted Swoozie Kurtz on that ridiculous judge sting. Now it’s become a show I’ll still watch but won’t feel any compulsion to.

I used to get irritated by the stylized hard-boiled dialogue between Jerry Orbach and whoever, but that sounds like pure poetry now.

14

Hey, I figure if I watch L&O:CI long enough, R. Lee Ermey will be the bad guy and during the climactic interrogation-room scene, D’Onofrio will suggest that Ermey’s sociopathic behaviour is due to a lack of parental love.

Then Ermey will grab a gun, shoot D’Onofrio, then himself.

15

I refuse to watch shows like this one because I don’t want to get inured to rape and murder. It’s frankly kind of exploitative.

16

I’ll watch for Casey, but only as a redhead.

17

I can’t watch Criminal Intent without commenting about a thousand times about how fat and old Vicent D’Onofrio has gotten. Which means I don’t watch that show at all because my husband can’t stand to listen to me say, “Gosh-look how old he got! And fat!” over and over. (Not that I should talk-I will be getting into D’Onofrio territory if I don’t start running again).

I watch SVU for Mariska’s hair. I’m thinking of cutting mine and she has always has a great cut.

18

It drives me crazy when the cops show up to question a witness the day after the murder and the witness just can’t be bothered to stop whatever it is that he/she is currently doing.

Maybe I live a boring life, but if the cops come to me and tell me that one of my friends was just beated, stabbed, shot, gang-raped, and then shot again, and found with a baseball bat inserted into his rectum, I think I could be pursuaded to put down the clothes iron and let the laundry wait until the cops are finished with their important questions.

19

I agree with your rant for the most part. Another example that occurs in all the Law & Order iterations is that whenever the captain is discussing the case with the detectives in his office and gets a phone call it is coincidently a call about the exact thing they are discussing at that moment. Just for fun I’d like Captain Ross to break from conversing with Goren and Eames to take a call, say a few words, and hang up. Goren and Eames look at him expectantly, and Ross tells them the call has nothing to do with their case.

Though to be fair real criminal investigations don’t take place in an hour, and police work is for the most part tedious and boring. We overlook these simple coincidences in lieu of watching a 38 hour mini-series with 37 hours of downtime.

Still, I stopped watching the SVU version along time ago. Those cops would be in prison several times over by now, and that unit would have long ago been shut down. Of course I believe Goren would have committed suicide by now if the writers were really honest. But I still watch CI regularly.

20

I agree. It’s totally abnormal. They should really just tell the cops to pound sand.