Laws in the world of TV and Movies

What laws must exist in the fictional world of TV and movies?

Here’s what I discovered so far:
Diplomatic Immunity Blanket Protection Act - Diplomats and foreign envoys who have been extended diplomatic immunity shall be free from any form of prosecution or criminal investigation, regardless of the seriousness of their crimes.

Murtaugh’s Law - Diplomatic Immunity can be revoked by killing said diplomat, provided that such punishment is carried out by a member of law enforcement who is not acting as a representitive of the jurisdiction he is employed in.
Bronson vs. The Street - In the absence of satisfactory judicial process, private individuals use whatever means necessary to rid their community of “unsavory” characters.
Steven Segal Environmental Protection Act - Completely destroying an oil refinery and killing its owner and staff in order to avoid a potentially environmentally dangerous situation is punishable by up to 15 minutes of self-righteous monologue.
Utah’s Law (as in Special Agent Johnny Utah from Point Break) - Any FBI agent who has developed a close relationship with a felony suspect may release him at his discretion as long as there is a reasonable belief that said suspect will likely take his own life or disappear forever. (later upheld in the case of ‘Fast vs. Furious’)

The King of Queens Law: Whenever the male star of a show is a comic, the actress hired to play the wife is always very good looking, and the male will be seen as a doofus.

The Inside Connection Law: Whenever a high-profile figure is under investigation, said figure will use political pressure on the superiors of the investigating officer to discourage them from the case. Which leads to:

The Dirty Harry Corollary: When an investigator is taken off a case, they will obsess about it and work on the case on their own time, if necessary. This requires them to butt heads with their superiors, for maximum drama content. This will also leave them without backup while they are infiltrating the headquarters of the suspect. Which also leads to:

The Helpful Citizen: Someone else involved in the case will become an amateur investigator, and will be there at the right time and place to help the investigator crack the case and/or get out of a tight situation. This person will often show up when a case is considered dead with vital information, which will be discredited by all save the investigator- who automatically believes them over his department peers, regardless of the situation.

Hot Pursuit Immunity – a private citizen chasing after a criminal may break traffic laws and cause damage and other accidents without being arrested or sued. If his car is wrecked, his insurance rates don’t go up.

Presumed Innocent Immunity – police may never arrest a private eye until he has a chance to clear his name.

Alien dichotomy law – Aliens in dramatic science fiction films are always angelically good or uspeakably evil.

Law of the Suit (classic film version) – Criminals always wear cheap suits.

Law of the Suit (modern version) – the more expensive the suit, the more corrupt the person wearing it.

Corprate Law – A CEO of a corporation is always corrupt. Especially when he wears expensive suit.

Military Law – A high-ranking miltary officer (Colonel or General/Admiral) is always a hard-ass; a low-ranking military officer (Lieutenant or Captain) is always a coward, or the first guy to get killed so that the sarge can take over the platoon. Enlisted men are either incredibly heroic, homicidal maniacs (but only in Vietnam or post-Vietnam movies), or cowards.

24 hour rule – the police lieutenant/captain/commissioner will always give the suspect, friend of suspect, private investigator, or disgraced police officer 24 hours to solve the crime in a way different than the way he thinks it should be solved.

The Miranda to the Infinite Power Ruling:
A person who has committed dozens of counts of murder, torture and cannibalism, and who was caught videotaping his latest victim’s dismemberment, will go scot free if his name was misspelled on the search warrent. This is usually accompanied by-

The Justice is Mine Sayeth the Lord Proviso:
As the killer is walking out of the precinct house laughing, he will either be shot by one of the victim’s loved ones, or else be run over by a runaway truck.

A Perfect Jury: No jury ever acquits an obviously guilty person (or convicts a patently innocent one) solely because of their irrational prejudices, as this would make the contest between the D.A. and counsel moot. And no guilty verdict in a dramatic criminal trial is ever overturned weeks later on appeal.

Fine? Fine!: The huge punitive damages awarded to the brave Joe Everyman against the Evil Corporation are never reduced on appeal to a small fraction of the original amount, as happens 75% of the time in real life.

Police Immunity Law #47: While chasing a suspect, it’s perfectly legal for a cop to carjack a citizen’s vehicle at gunpoint in order to continue the chase.

Misguided Peace Protesters Rule: Whenever the police/anti-terrorist squad is rushing to a building to stop an assasination/bombing, they have to fight their way through a bunch of protesters. If these poor, misguided citizens would only realize that their anti-government activities endanger themselves and others and that they should just stay at home and not make trouble.

Good Men Don’t Cry Rule: The good guy never cries, even when his partner is killed. However, terrorists often cry, because they’re scared, or are crazy with grief, or because they feel conflicted about the bad things they are doing.

Stray Bullet Rule: Innocent bystanders are only hit by stray bullets from the bad guys, never the good guys.

Good Guys Have Better Aim Rule: Invariably, the cop with a revolver out-guns the criminal with the uzi.

Jamming Rule: Automatic weapons only jam when bad guys use them.

Good Guys wearing vests never get shot in the head.

Car/Car Door Shield Law of Physics: Bullets cannot pass underneath a car/car door and hit the policeman hiding behind it.

Law of non-gravity: No hero shall ever die through falling any distance. A similar law applies to drowning in water.

Delayed death rule: No girlfriend or partner who gets shot shall die instantly instead they live just long enough to rattle out one last endearment. If dying party has child they will gasp out for the hero to protect them.

Gut shot: No real men ever die from being gut shot. Nor does it slow them down much beyond the orginal gasp in pain and bent over.

Shoulder wounds: See above. Note that both rules apply to the main bad guy as well. He will not be taken out by a quick head shot like the 10,000 lackeys the hero has already capped to reach him.

Iron Man: a man can be beaten 1/2 to death escape to run 5 miles through the snow never gasp for breath and be limber enough to fight off people hand to hand. If said person reaches saftey then he will collapse in the arms of his lover. An 8 hour recovery period is usually more then enough to heal.

Law of vehicular equivalence:- All cars or bikes are pretty much equal in a car-chase - a lumbering American cop car can keep up with a Ferrari, a Harley can overtake a Japanese sports bike.

(There’s some terrible Arnie film where the Govanator chases a 911 in a Sunbeam Alpine - I had one of those, with a trick head and tightened suspension - fun car, but a 911 could’ve beat it in reverse)

(bike in a car-chase? :smack: )

Whenever a goodguy cop is shot half-way through a film, he or she sits up, opens jacket to reveal bullet-proof vest with embedded bullets, makes comment about recent choice to wear vest, then pulls vest off before rejoining fight with bad guys – WITHOUT VEST!!!

Light on law: When driving at night, always leave the headlights on when you pull up and get out of the car.

One seat law: When driving with 3 adult people, all must sit in the front seat, despite the fact that the car is almost always a big american 4 door land-yacht.

I believe the precedent was set in a new york case in the 50’s.
People vs. The Honeymooners

The “You think your life is hard?” rule:

Two people in a relationship, be they a married couple, friends, a parent and kid, etc., will think each other’s jobs/life is easier than theirs. So, they’ll switch places, to chaotic results, before realizing the other person’s life isn’t easy.

The Not that There’s Anything Wrong With That rule:

A friend/relative of a primary castmember will confess to the character that he/she is gay, forcing the character to confront his/her own prejudices about homosexuality, but by the end of the episode, the main character will come around, and give his/her friend or relation his/her full support.

The gay friend/relative will then disappear, never to be seen or talked about again.

The law of jumping between buildings - any movie character who attempts to jump from the roof of one building to the roof of the neighboring building will always and only barely make it by grabbing the ledge on the target building and pulling themselves up dramatically.

Oops, I meant to write:

I think of this more as the “Smoothbore rule”: pistols will always be more deadly, second per second, than long guns, even pistols wielded by the baddie. Witness: the Patriot.

EXTREME!!! Rent Control and Affordable Housing Law: rent for apartments in Manhattan is proportional to one’s income. This ensures that coffeehouse baristas can afford two bedroom luxury apartments in desirable neighborhoods.

National Settlement and Urbanization Law: 90% of the population of the United States must live in the Los Angeles or New York metropolitan areas.

Housemate Diversity Law: if more than two unrelated people live together, other housemates must be at least one of the following: a very urban African-American, a fraternity or surfer dude, a sorority or trixie girl, a promiscuous girl, a proudly out and flamboyant gay or lesbian, a very Southern Southerner, an asshole, a hot but extremely intelligent Asian female, or a girl who is totally naive about the world beyond their small Midwestern hometown.

New York Counseling Profession Law: psychologists and psychiatrists may not practice in the New York metropolitan area. Services normally performed by psychologists, psychiatrists, and other allied professions will be performed by wise Orthodox rabbis and Catholic priests from Ireland.

Of course, if rabbis and/or priests need counseling, then they need to get drunk and talk to their bartender. (See Keeping the Faith.)

The Security Bootstrap Act: no organisation shall be allowed to hire security staff who show any ability to act as more than cannon fodder.

The Second Suitor Act: if one party is in a relationship/desires a relationship with one person, then mets another member of the oposite sex, they will end up with the second suitor, even if that man or woman first seems repugnant to them. The sole exception to this act is if they didn’t realize that party A was a potential suitor until after meeting party B.