[QUOTE=SmartAleq]
Times 34 years so far, times two months of every goddamned year means that I’ve spend more than five and a half years of my life bleeding out my ass and cramping!
[/QUOTE]
(emphasis mine)
Where the hell do you keep your uterus?
Sheesh, guys, it’s der poetical licenser dont’cha know?! Besides, when that pissy bitch gets going I get blood all over everything including my ass and the sheets and whatever I’m wearing and goddammit am I the only person who saw Jenny McCarthy in “Dirty Love” and fell out laughing hysterically when she’s running all over the supermarket leaving a gigantic murder victim trail? It feels like that and it sucks! Uteri are the biggest terrorists of the organ world because the more effective they are at their jobs the worse they are to live with. I walk past the “variety meat” section of the local Asian market and I flip the fat birdy to all the packages of beef uteri and pig uteri for sale, they can all fuck off too. :smack: They love me at that store, honestly…
And yes I realize there’s a distinct likelihood that I am indeed “the only person who saw Jenny McCarthy in ‘Dirty Love’” full stop. If I ruined your joke then HAH! You deserve it, especially if you don’t have a uterus of your own…
I hate sinuses. Sinuses should be banned by the Genevea Convention. Why can’t my stomache leave me alone and let me eat whatever I want?
[QUOTE=asterion]
I assumed the stomach. But maybe that was just my experience with a bout of food poisoning after eating at a Thai restaurant here in the US.
[/QUOTE]
Harumph! :dubious:
I said “gets guys” in trouble. Believe me, I see it all the time. A fresh newbie lands, and his ole love muscle perks right up. Zany madcap mayhem often ensues. Fun to watch.
I thought it usually got girls in trouble 
.
(Sorry I missed your earlier post)
[QUOTE=Jackmannii]
Just this week Ann Landers had a letter from a poor woman who did something entirely innocent like eating a three-bean salad or rabbit casserole - then at church service the resulting fart symphony was so embarassing that she is considering never going back to that church again.
[/QUOTE]
Huh. I thought Ann Landers was dead.
Yeah she is, but I’d take a zombie’s advice about farts, no problem!
[QUOTE=Jackmannii]
There are many outstanding organs in the human body
[/QUOTE]
Don’t forget organs that are outside the body, like the skin, the largest organ of all. But I don’t think it gets you into trouble too much.
[QUOTE=betenoir]
I thought it usually got girls in trouble 
.
[/QUOTE]
Oh, it can do that, too, but over here, a favorite pastime is watching how it affects various guys’ social lives. Often involves the wife or girlfriend intercepting a cellphone call. Highly entertaining. 
I’m suddenly reminded of an acquaintance of mine who lives in the Northeast. When he was living in Bangkok in this one apartment years ago, he was sleeping with his landlady. She entered the apartment one day to find him in bed with another girl. Poor guy lost his lover AND his apartment in one fell swoop.
[QUOTE=SmartAleq]
Take my uterus, please! Ovaries, useful. Make hormones, keep me from having a beard, okay. Cervix kinda handy, lets me know when the guy’s big enough, okay. Uterus? WTF? Okay, first got my period at fourteen, now forty eight. Twelve times a year times five days each equals sixty days a year bleeding out my ass and cramping. TWO FUCKING MONTHS OUT OF TWELVE. 17% of my time spent bleeding. Times 34 years so far, times two months of every goddamned year means that I’ve spend more than five and a half years of my life bleeding out my ass and cramping! I’ve had two kids, I did my bit, can we stop with this bullshit? When the hell is menopause supposed to happen, anyway? Can I count on another ten years of this crap? Or will you get pissy like you did to my sisters and give me some nice endometriosis or bleed so copiously the nurse has to put a bucket underneath just to get through the exam? Then fucking surgery to get rid of you, AARRGH! Why the hell doesn’t the damned thing come with an off switch?
[/QUOTE]
I read this in a Rainman voice, and it became sixty times more entertaining.
For my part, my non-functioning pancreas can suck a cock. Jesus Christ, you bastard: You stopped working nearly twenty years ago and you haven’t paid a dime in rent. The way I see it, I’m paying you to sit in my body and DO NOTHING. Last year, I spent nearly $2,000 in prescriptions because of your lazy ass. START WORKING OR FIND A NEW HOME.
Watch me eat a piece of cake and not need you, jerkface.
HAHA! Talk about coincidence. THIS below illustrates my point perfectly. I just found this posting below a few moments ago on a local Web board. The poster is in Belgium:
Came home from the nightshift yesterday, had a couple of beers and went to bed
about 9 am and fell asleep. Then suddenly somone is shaking me awake,
my Thai GF is handing me down my mobile phone, with a look that could
kill life on Mars." You,re girlfriend is on the phone", and groggy as i was i took the phone and anserwed hello And then it struck me, something is FUCKING WRONG HERE, and yes it was. My thai GF who now is with me in my home contry for the 6th time is looking at me with a look that would make Osama Bin Laden shit in his pants. And yes it was my regular from sukh soi 7/1.
She usually calls me 1 or 2 times in betweens my trips just to make sure i orderd my next trip, where and when, and to say hello how are you doing ?. and that is fine with me, i like that she thinks of me My GF did not
So here i am, my GF has gone to bed with a truckload of beer inside and sleping,
and here i am waiting for tomorrow
BTW my regular in sukh soi 7/1 is a real nice girl, if she had known that my GF was home with me, she would never thelephoned me.
How can i get out of this shit???
help is very much appreciated
[QUOTE=Siam Sam]
Don’t forget organs that are outside the body, like the skin, the largest organ of all. But I don’t think it gets you into trouble too much.
[/QUOTE]
How wrong you are, Siam Sam. I stupidly forgot that I no longer live in the south where the sun is stronger and I have a year-round base coat of very light tan to protect my skin from burning, and sat out on an April day in the sun in New Orleans for several hours a week ago listening to wonderful music, and got such a nasty sunburn on my forehead and nose that I still look like a freak. Not to mention it has huuurt! I plan to hide in the house until it heals. Stupid skin, didn’t warn me it was burning until it was way too late to do anything about it, grumble grumble…
Bad skin! Bad bad skin!
But anyway, the largest organ in the body is the liver; the largest organ of the body is the skin.