O.K. Listen you idiots. New York City is not a “small town”. Got it? I don’t care if where your from has a population of 5000 people, we have millions here on a daily basis. And they all gather in the same parts of town at around the same time. This causes congestion on the sidewalks.
I’m very happy for you if in your hometown you are able to take nice leisurly walks, taking in the sites, and taking your time with not a care in the world. But here in New York, goddamit, you have to be aware of what’s going on around you. With just a few simple guidelines, you too can walk successfully in this city. Here they are:
I know how beautiful the city is, but you have to LOOK in the direction your going. To walk one way and look the other is to ensure that you bump into somebody. Not very difficult.
If your walking, and there are a couple thousand people walking behind you, it’s probably not a good idea to stop dead and look up “Gosh that buildin’s tall”. There are people behind you!!! Be aware. If you must stop, move over to the side with the flow. Once you are sure no one is behind you, then stop if you must.
They don’t, unfortunately, have traffic lights on the side walk, so it takes a little common sense to keep it flowing. STAY TO THE RIGHT. Just like driving a car. If everyone going in one direction walks on one side of the sidewalk, and everyone going the opposite direction walks on the other side, traffic flows. But when you walk on the wrong side in a mix of a million people, all you do is fuck everything up.
Goddamit, I have places to go. Stay out of my way and walk like an intelligent human. Or just stay home.
We have the exact same people in DC. What really gravels me is the out-of twon idiots who stand two abreast on the escalator instead of standing to the right to let others walk up. And the not looking where you are going is a big problem with the tourists who are walking and gawking.
Ordinarily I don’t care. I love New York, and I want everyone to love it, too. Look around, be amazed, be in awe of the people who live there. Gawk, ogle, fumble around in your hip sacks for your disposable cameras. It’s a free country. And shit, if you need directions, ask me! I took a few people from out of town practically from West 4th Street to St. Mark’s Place a week or so ago. New Yorkers don’t always bite.
But when 5PM rolls around in the middle of the summer, kindly do not felch up the sidewalks in Times Square. They are shitty enough with all of the construction. It is simply unwise and inconsiderate to get in the way of 2 million New Yorkers trying to go home after a hot, shitty-assed day. You wouldn’t like it if someone parked his fucking car right in front of the entrance to your driveway. So don’t obstruct my way home.
that I will goggle, stare, make a fool of myself, become hopelessly disoriented, gawk, take pictures, and point enthusiastically like a little kid.
But I won’t do these things during rush hour. I’m not interested in inconveniencing anyone else. I also promise not to stand on the left side of the escalator.
I’m fairly certain we can all get along.
However, the “clue train” runs both ways, but I won’t hijack your thread.
I know this has been mentioned many times, but it always bears repeating: The top of the subway steps is not the place to come to a dead stop while you try to figure out where you want to go.
This may in fact be the leading cause of homicidal thoughts in NYC. If you stop at the top of the stairs, then the person behind you has to come to a sudden stop, and then the person behind that person has to stop … until the entire population of the subway station is acting like unwilling extras in a Marx Brothers movie.
I don’t have that much of a beef with “out-of-towners” walking around my sidewalks, but then again San Francisco/Oakland isn’t as crowded as NYC.
But there has been something that has been smoldering in my little brain for a while now. I must speak …
Escalators.
I will make this very simple:
Stand on the right; walk on the left.
Stand on the right; walk on the left!
STAND on the RIGHT; WALK on the LEFT!
STAND ON THE RIGHT; WALK ON THE LEFT!!
In the name of all that is good and sacred on this great green goddamned planet, FUCKING STAND ON THE GODDAMNED RIGHT; MOTHERFUCKING WALK ON THE COCKSUCKING LEFT!!
Sometimes I would if I could, believe me. But the crowds can get so tightly packed that there isn’t even enough room to pull the sword out of the bag. As it were. It’s just too damned big.
And for the love of God, if you’re going to turn your head to see which direction you will be headed, even if there’s no one in front of you, learn how to keep walking in a straight line. I can’t tell you how many times people have walked into me, swerving sideways like a car with bad front-end alignment, because their point of focus wasn’t directly in front of them. Then, when their shoulder comes into contact with mine (rather forcefully, I must say, having prepared for the check) the yutz looks at me and says something like, “Jeez, watch where you’re going!” WTF?!?
Cops should give tickets for walking erratically in NYC.
True story. There’s a divided street with a crosswalk through it. My mother (a “country mouse”, bless her) and I are crossing this street. The “walk” signal is on. Just as we get to the center of the crosswalk (where the division occurs), the “don’t walk” signal begins to flash.
Mom stops dead in her tracks.
I ask her “What are you DOING?!?”
She replies “The Don’t Walk sign is on.”
I had to explain to her that it isn’t ON, it’s FLASHING. And that meant if you were already IN the crosswalk, it was ok to keep going, you just weren’t supposed to START crossing the street at that time, since you probably wouldn’t have time to get all the way across.
Thanks dalovindj, I could rant for days about all the out of town nit wits walking around NYC.
Now if we can only get brain dead NY’ers to stand to the side of the subway doors so the people can get off the train first before they push their way on. Until all the people are off the train don’t think you have the right to push pass the last four people. But perhaps this should be in a different BBQ Pit.
Don’t even get me started on those dipshits. I ride to work during rush hour every day. My favorite are the morons who are already on the train, standing right next to the door, and when the train pulls up to a major station (like union square) instead of stepping off so the people who are getting off can do so, they stand right in the middle of the door in the way of all 50 of those trying to leave the train.
Goddamit people! Common sense!!! I don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to smack the fuck out of people on the train. I guess it’s a good thing they don’t let you have guns here. I could think of 5 times today alone I would have contributed to making a polite society by blasting these thoughtless fucks.
I always had a daydream of going to New York but dressing the part of a hick - denim overalls, baseball cap with the logo of a seed company, maybe even chewing a sprout of alfalfa - and walk through the streets saying “Gol-ly! There shure are a whole lotta big buildings in these here big city!” Stopping in the middle of streets, standing in the center of the escalator, blocking the top of the stairs, et cetera.
The experiment is to see how long until I’m shot. I think, if I choose to commit suicide, I’ll do it that way.
Suicide by New York? I like that one. It might go quicker if you stand on a corner during rush hour in the morning, right next to one of those little food stands shouting “I hate bagels!”
I live on 34th St., and from 8th avenue to 5th avenue you have a gazillion fucking people, many of them real live New Yorkers shopping in crap stores like Bag Man and Conway, blocking every inch of the sidewalks. Annoys the hell out of me.
Also, near Times Square, but everywhere really, you get the tour groups, usually Midwestern kids with bellybutton rings and Slipknot tee-shirts, that come out of Planet Hollywood or some other fine establishment, and they stand in a group and block the ENTIRE sidewalk without moving! You have to walk in the street to pass them. They never fucking think to hug the building so people can get by?
