My nomination here is special. It’s a fragment of a song, I heard it once, in second grade, and I still remember it distincly enough to pronounce it the Least Romantic Love Song I have ever heard on the radio, now or then.
The soul-stirring chorus? “You and me, baby, ain’t nothing but mammals, so let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.” Aw, how sweet.
Least romantic love song by someone who has written some very good romantic love songs:"Why Don’t We Do It In the Road? (by the Beatles)
“You’re Feets Too Big” by Fats Waller
“I’ll Get You” by the Beatles.
They’re pretty much saying “You know we’re going to end up together, so you might as well get used to the idea.” Yeah, that’s real sweet.
The Police: “Every Breath You Take”
It’s a song about a stalker that gets chosen as “our song” at weddings and for prom themes.
That’s The Bloodhound Gang. That’s what they do. They’ve also written a song titled “A Lap Dance is So Much Better When the Stripper is Crying” with the line “I never knew missing children could be so sexy.”
Anyway, if we’re listing songs like that, I nominate “Kiss Me, I’m Shitfaced” by The Dropkick Murphys. It’s every bad line used in a bar worked into a singable pub song.
Mine would be either Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Screw (Jimmy Buffet) Or Fuck Her Gently : (Tenacious D)
Ones that mean something to my relationship personally though are Fat Bottom Girls (Queen) and Stuck in the Middle with You (Steeler’s Wheel) XD
I can’t ever, ever listen to this song because it reminds me of a horrible time.
Back in the day I liked the actress Rebecca Schaeffer because she was quirky pretty and talented to boot. I expected many good projects from her.
When she was killed her murderer’s trial was the first one I saw on what was then Court TV. He was found guilty, and sentenced accordingly, but what I recall chillingly was that at the break, someone had the bright idea to play that Police song and that was horrifying in itself.
We’ve got tonight. Who needs tomorrow. I know your plans don’t include me…
Cactus by the Pixies is certainly in the running with its obsession and desperation.
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The Outkast song, Hey Ya?
“Me and my old lady, have been together too long, like a worn out recording, of a favorite song.”
“I Put A Spell On You” is one of the great non-romantic love songs, especially when sung by Screamin’ Jay Hawkins (who originated it):
*I put a spell on you
Because you’re mine
Stop the things that you do
Watch out, I ain’t lyin’
I love you, I love you,
I love you, I love you anyhow
And I don’t care if you don’t want me
I’m yours right now*
One recorded Hawkins version I have (featuring a female soul chorus) culminates with Hawkins making a bunch of realistic farting noises*, which adds immeasurably to the romance.
Another favorite is Genesis’ “Counting Out Time” in which the singer is wooing his beloved with the aid of a sex manual:
*I’m counting out time, hoping it goes like I planned it,
'cos I understand it. Look! I’ve found the hotspots, Figs. 1-9.
Love is wonderful.
*a talent heard to full effect on “Constipation Blues”.
Christ, this makes me feel old. The album this song is on was released in early 2000, and I think I recall hearing it when I spent a semester in college in Australia in '99. That was only 10 years ago. Yet this kid is referring to second grade as if it were a lifetime ago. Sigh.
Get off my lawn.
Even though it’s meant to be tongue in cheek, A Kiss With A Fist by Florence and the Machine probably qualifies for this thread.
(I suppose it’s too soon to make a joke about Rihanna doing a cover version, right?)
“Muskrat Love.” Especially the Captain & Tennille version.
Oh, and yes: “I Used To Love Her [But I Had To Kill Her]” by Guns & Roses.
Oh, please, PLEASE tell me where I can find that version!
One ought not to overlook the magnificent, heartfelt, romantic sensibilities of R. Kelly when he sang “You remind me of my Jeep.”
Yeah, but “Don’t Stand So Close To Me” is even creepier.
Eric Clapton’s “Wonderful Tonight” is about a guy who gets stoned at a party and has to have his girlfriend or wife drag him home. Really romantic, that.
Stranger
I bought it from Itunes. According to the album cover art that downloaded with it, it’s on “The Blues Archive” featuring Screamin’ Jay and Elmore James (although the cover art doesn’t always accurately indicate what album the selection is from).
There are several versions of “I Put A Spell On You” by Hawkins listed on Itunes, including the original and subsequent recordings. If you have access to Itunes and can listen to an excerpt, the version you want has Hawkins opening the number with various grunting and slobbering noises, after which he launches into the song (with the chorus coming in at intervals, mostly to sing the one word “Spell”). The farting is at the end (sorry).