Lets say that you are a member of a non-visible minority. (By non visible, I mean you’re not a minority because of your race.) People at work or school become aware of your minority status and it makes them angry and defensive. You become a target of bullying and/or you’re just generally ignored. Nevertheless, you’re unhappy and it’s possible that unhappiness could affect your success.
Do you leave and go somewhere you could find success, regardless of what “message” that sends to the bullies? Or do you stick it out and send them the message that their bullying won’t change your behavior? Why?
Because life is too short to abide intolerant pricks. Happiness first, their loss is your gain, move on to greener pastures. Who cares if they think they won? Sending a message? Seriously, these troglodytes are too dense to take a message even if delivered by a clue by four, I assure you.
Assume the universe is sending you a message and something magnificent lays ahead of you, and move on.
One thing I’ve learned in life, and if you learn this today, you will be well served. NEVER let anyone else dictate your happiness.
Why would you be miserable all for the sake of making a point? Even if you did prove something, 50 years from now we’ll all be dead and no one will remember you existed much less you actually made a point.
It’s one thing to leave a job if you are going to be financially hard up. You stick with it and look for another job while you stay there.
But don’t let anyone else dictate your happiness. Oh how I wish I learned this a lot earlier in my life.
I had a job where, for some reason unknown to me, everyone decided to dislike me (nothing overt, just a general feeling that they’d be happy when I wasn’t there any longer). I’ll never willingly tolerate that atmosphere again - it’s toxic as hell.
If you think you can stay and prove a point without being depressed, worked up, tensed, upset and driven crazy, and/or you have support which keeps you emotionally strong, then go ahead. I can’t, so I vote for leaving.
There are stories of people sticking through their jobs even when they are despised or otherwise unwelcome (like the role of Uhura when Star Trek first began), and they become an inspiration to others . You have to gauge whether it is worth it, and most importantly, do not expect any returns or praise.
If you have a plan on how to “win” and prove the point, staying may be a valid option. Like, if there’s a way to succeed in instituting a new policy or making personnel changes, I’d call that a plan.
Staying and simply putting up with being miserable in hopes that something changes some day isn’t a plan. In that case, leave is the appropriate solution.
People are overwhelmingly voting for the decision I’m leaning towards.
In my case, I’m an atheist. This makes people angry, to the point that I’ve been totally ostracized and it’s causing me considerable anxiety to think about going back to that place. Thankfully, a transfer is very easy, but my mother is of the opinion that transferring is admitting defeat. That I need to stay and Prove A Point. My counter-argument is that staying just to Prove A Point and allowing it to possibly affect my success (I currently have a 4.0, but if the anxiety gets to me or someone retaliates in a way that affects my records, that might change.) would be letting them affect me more than simply leaving and being successful. The environment in that place has been totally screwed from the beginning. There is a total lack of management in the administration of that school. Instructors sit and listen to students bad-mouth each other, in some cases bad-mouth students themselves, and then take points away from students for “professionalism” on arbitrary and seemingly random intervals. I’m just tired of the constant immaturity and personality conflicts.
Of course, this is a catty industry (Cosmetology), and there is a certain level of cattiness I’m willing to simply ignore and rise above. But from the beginning the issues in this school were above and beyond what I or any of my friends in the industry consider standard. So I’m finding another venue to continue my education.
It depends.
If I’m pretty much the only one there of that minority, I might skip out.
If there are others of my type that could use the support, I’m sticking around.
While Nichelle Nichols got some shit from the network, I don’t believe her coworkers or direct supervisors ever had any problem with her, and she often speaks of Gene Roddenberry as a guy who regularly stuck up for her and took a lot of the shit himself. That’s a heck of a lot different from the environment the OP describes.
As to the OP. fuck 'em. The best revenge is living well.
I’d leave. I have a very low tolerance for jobs I hate. One thing I would add is that ‘‘Stay and prove a point’’ presupposes that the coworkers actually care so much that they would get the point. Don’t leave or stay in order to show them anything–chances are you aren’t important enough to them for it to matter either way. Leave because you want to leave, or stay because you want to stay. Either way, do it for you.
Do whatever you want. You’re not obligated to fight for the workplace rights of atheists.
What I don’t understand is, why are you talking about religion at work? Talk of religion and politics doesn’t belong in the workplace. It’s just asking for trouble.
Man, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve embraced ‘going along to get along’ more and more. I used to be a stickler for ‘the facts’. When somebody was mistaken - say they said in passing that a mile was shorter than a kilometer - I used to always call them on it. After all, they were factually incorrect. After awhile, I realized that 99% of people do not appreciate this. Now, I just let that stuff slide.
While that’s a mundane example, that’s the sort of attitude I’ve taken. I ask myself, “Is this important?” And if it ain’t I just let it slide. The danger of this is that fewer and fewer things become ‘important’ and you let slide some eggregious stuff. At some point, you need to take a stand. That said, I would leave a situation that appears hopeless, rather than try to change it.
Standard practice down here is to ask other people in normal conversation what church they go to, as the default is that all people attend some church. Over months of that question, and church discussions, it just gradually came out and culminated in me being interrogated and harassed. This was last Thursday.
I live in South Carolina, if that helps you understand.
I understand the situation very well, but you can still refuse to discuss the topic.
I live in Iowa. I’m an atheist. I grew up surrounded by fundamentalists and now work for a company that is full of them. Asking what church you go to is also de rigeur here. So is badgering people to provide an answer. When asked, I just smile and cheerfully say, “Miss Manners says not to discuss religion or politics at work [or, in polite company]!”
If pressed, I just smile and shake my head. “Nope! Not gonna do it! Talking about religion and politics just makes me so uncomfortable!” I chirp. And that’s all I say.
It’s worked for me for twenty years.
I am sympathetic. It is uncomfortable to be pressed with these questions. But eventually, we have to learn to develop a way to cope that maintains a professional attitude while simultaneously shutting down the conversation. I find that doing the above takes the power away from them and puts it squarely in my hands. Most people will shy away from a topic when they are told it makes another person uncomfortable. For the boors who press on anyway, they usually get tired of trying to interrogate someone who simply won’t respond.
I hope you are able to find a more hospitable workplace, or to at least figure out a way to take charge in these situations in a way you feel works for you.