So let me get this straight…
LeBron James is a horrible, horrible traitor, in fact the moral equivalent of That Guy, because he’s a superstar who left the team he started with. And the reason I didn’t hear about this with Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, Dennis Rodman, Shaquille O’Neal et al is that…they didn’t have as much control over their destiny. Or weren’t that awesome. Or something. And it was incredibly stupid to leave the Cavaliers because they were on the verge of a long, glorious dynasty, and hey, Cleveland is always a great place to be*.
Oh, and there was that one-hour special. Truly a crass act of overweening arrogance illustrating just how off the deep end he has gone. Which was a one-time deal planned well in advance, an eyeblink compared to the months and months of hype preceding it, and hosted by a network with a long, long history of overhyped spectacles.
The crux of the matter, of course, is that he should have gone to Chicago. Or Detroit. Or was it New York? Well, anyway, Miami was completely the wrong place to go because…well, it’s Miami. So a huge number of fans hate him now, which 1. matters and 2. would not have happened at all if he signed with Chicago/wherever.
But the worst part is that a true superstar wins the title all by himself, y’know, like Michael Jordan**, and I’ve said my piece on how he didn’t reeeally win it all by himself enough times, but that doesn’t excuse James, right? It’s disgusting to go to a team with two capable teammates and actually surrender the starring role to one of them, because everyone knows being with star teammates encourages laziness. Oh, and it’s incredibly selfish to be part of a team and let someone else bask in the spotlight.
No, no, I’m overthinking this. It’s really very simple: An NBA player has to make the right choices. The right choices being determined by (in no particular order) popularity, wealth, and the chances of winning a title. And since no one franchise is going to be the best in all three, well…loyalty! That’s the ticket. And failing that, Chicago! But the bottom line is that there is one definite best choice. Or maybe two, in this case. Which James should have known because…uh…well, he’s had so much time, how could he not know?
And finally, a sports owner going off on an insane tirade and making idiotic predictions*** is not the least bit pathetic, embarrassing, or worthy of ridicule. Nor is Cavaliers fans burning expensive replica jerseys that they already paid for.
And hey, if all else fails, jump on the Lakers bandwagon! Nothing at all wrong about that! (Any more than jumping on the UCLA bandwagon**** whenever the subject of the Duke Blue Devils comes up!)
…
Guys, Mortal Kombat isn’t this bad. I’m gonna need some help here.
- Seriously, a whole nation mourned the fate of the Cleveland Cavaliers. I am shocked to the core by this. The huge upsurge in interest in the World Cup after yet another frickin’ 2nd round exit wasn’t as much of a bombshell.
** Has anyone considered the possibility that James knows damn well that a massive percentage of the NBA fanbase will consider Jordan the absolute 100% most awesomely greatest player in history who did everything by himself forever and ever and ever, and nobody’s ever going to take this crown, so why waste the effort? I know that if I ever got into cycling, the last person in the world I’d ever want to be compared to is Lance Armstrong. Or Floyd Landis. But mostly Armstrong.
*** When he puts two million bucks on it, I’ll respect his bravado. Until then, whatever, wimp.
**** Or Kentucky. Yeah, they’re pretty good too. So I’ve heard.