An argument can be made that she’s engaging in a form of virtue signaling.
Your friend was completely out of line. Her lecture would have been reasonable had you invited her to eat at Chic-Fil-A, but to launch that because of a mustard packet is beyond rude.
Why does she believe she gets to dictate where her friends eat, what books they read, etc. Are friends required to hold identical values & views on every single topic?
Chic-Fil-A pays their help a living wage. Is that more or less important than their support for anti-LGBTQ groups? And what if one of those anti-LGBTQ groups supports a different cause you feel strongly about? And if you’re going to boycott Chic-Fil-A over the owner’s views, you should be researching the views of every restaurant owner. Not doing so would suggest it’s not really their views you care about, it’s being on trend.
It’s a complicated world & everyone sets their lines on social issues at different places. (There’s at least one discussion on SDMB about boycotting books, movies, etc because of Kevin Spacey’s morality). The question to ask yourself at the start of these discussions is how important this specific issue is to you – are you willing to burn a friendship to the ground over their choice of restaurant or maybe just not dine out with them.
Footnote: Chic-Fil-A has scripture on their walls! And people were surprised to find they don’t support LGBTQ rights!?!?
It seems a lot of people have forgotten that democracy is a messy system that allows people we don’t like to do things we don’t like in order to for us to have the freedom to do the things we do like to do. Yes, it’s flawed, and it’s a terrible system, unless you compare it to all the others. There is a time and place to be outraged by Chik-Fil-A. Someone else’s home that you accepted an invitation to is not that time and place. There is this forum and others to express such outrage online, and many other opportunities to do so privately and publicly without being rude about it or sounding like you want to infringe on their rights. In this case the right to keep a condiment package in your home from a fast food restaurant whose owners you don’t approve of. I know I’ve been rude that way in the past, not outrageously so, but I was wrong then and should have been reminded about the point I just made. So people slip, make mistakes, one such as this can be easily corrected. And if I seem outrageous on this forum from time to time then please remember this is the place to do that.
In her defense, you’re getting an unflattering representation that’s really just a snapshot of her behavior. Okay, two snapshots. Though I wouldn’t describe us as super close, I’ve known this person for many years, and if this was normal behavior from her, she wouldn’t have been invited to game night. Overall she’s a good person.
Does she regularly express her ire at strangers, or does she save it for friends and family that she knows are unlikely to push back? At the very least, it’s concerning behavior.
Agree.
When someone invites me into their home, my tolerance for “things I disagree with” is pretty high. I’ll also do my best to not engage in any speech or behavior that can be construed as rude, sanctimonious, or boorish. I don’t want to look like a jerk when I’m a guest.
I would respond to this by saying “please accompany me on a tour of my house, so that together we can ensure that my home and its contents are acceptable to you.”
Nah, not really. I’d probably say “well, my stars, I had no idea, thanks for educating me”, and then never invite her back.
I avoid CFA for the same reason she does, but I am not going to tolerate the kind of person who would accept a social invitation to my home and proceed to police my home for evidence of marginal thoughtcrimes. Those are the people who give liberals a bad name.
All the time, I tell my kids, “Think carefully about what you want to happen, and speak in a way that you think will make that happen.” I want them to grow up with that approach in mind. It’s not just enough to speak your truth: you gotta have a plan for how speaking your truth will make things better.
It’s the approach I take to speaking my own truth. There are some outcomes I want:
- I might persuade someone to change their mind.
- I might persuade someone to take an action.
- I might vent my spleen.
But I need to be clear. If I’m venting my spleen, I’m gonna talk in a very different way from if I’m trying to be persuasive. And I need to accept that the person I’m venting at is gonna think I’m an asshole.
Some folks I’m fine with thinking that: if I’ve concluded I have no chance of changing their mind, and if they’re getting on my last goddamned nerve, I don’t really care if they think less of me.
But most folks I’d rather not think I’m an asshole. So I don’t vent my spleen at them.
Regarding the OP: I’m not convinced she’d thought through what she wanted to happen. If she was just venting her spleen, is she okay with no longer being friends with y’all? If she wants to stay friends, how does she balance that with her spleen-venting?
The more I use “venting spleen” as an idiom, the grosser it gets. I think I’m done.
I wouldn’t be surprised if this is form of cognitive bias: people who give undue emphasis to the most recognizable devils while completely ignoring the devils that have a lower profile.
I’m quite sure no one will ever wear a MAGA hat in my house. Hell, I gave my daughter’s former boyfriend a hard time for a Yankee cap. (which I would regret, but he turned out to be an asshole in other ways too.)
Being courteously sardonic works just as well.
Stranger
My own house is a different matter, yes.
Being able to “read the room”, “know your audience”, or other types of tactfulness are learned skills. Skills that are difficult for some people to learn, due to things like genetics, childhood, education, cultural background, etc. While we’re all within our rights to exclude people from our lives, that may not be the best choice.
Heh, that’s exactly who came to my mind as well. 
Don’t be fooled by the right-wing propaganda that scripture necessarily supports hate.
Scripture doesn’t necessarily support hate. The sort of people who put scripture on the walls of their business… I don’t see that as quite so benign. (Also why I don’t eat at In-N-Out: I don’t need bible verses on my purchases, thank you.)
Wearing a Yankee cap at all is about as rude and unAmerican as any behavior anyone can engage in. You should have not regrets for that.
Scripture is vague enough that it will support whatever you want it to support.
Yeah, but the kind of people who push it in front of your face at every opportunity instead of keeping it at church or at home embroidered on needlepoint pillows tend to have a specific agenda.
Stranger
Or, as I’m fond of saying, the Bible is right about as often as Chinese fortune cookies or newspaper horoscopes.
And for the same reason.
Here in South Carolina we used to have this guy named Maurice Bessinger who offered up tracts in his restaurant about how the bible supports slavery, therefore slavery is good.
Logic checks out. We shall use my largest scales.
Stranger