Legal in All Circumstances (or, I Wish a Muthasucka would!)

I wish a motherfucka would tell me what to do with my body. I don’t care what your ideas are about ‘the miracle of life’. Do you realize how subjective and vague that shit is? Your ideas about when life begins?

Ages and ages of debate and compromise and hedging and mind-changing and growing and learning and science and a fucking montage of scientists pointing and nodding at charts, philosophers arguing and stroking their beards, holy men pointedly thrusting their bibles at eachother, jabbing at the passages that they think make their points…

All of that, and you think that somehow you have it all figured out about exactly what ‘life’ really is, what a ‘person’ really is and the magic moment in your gullible ass pixie-dustfilled mind that 'life begins!"

Please. You have no fucking clue. So how the fuck you think you gonna decide what I am allowed to do with my body, based on your feeble minded ideas of what life is and when it begins?

I know this has been done to death on these boards, but I don’t usually post in those threads (I did start a thread once, about it. It didn’t go well…as I kinda get the feeling this won’t either)…but I felt the need to open this after the abortion poll was closed in IMHO.

I felt the need to open it based on this quote alone:

That is one bad ass fucking quote right there. Gotdammit that is some cool ass shit to say! That’s my new shit to say everyday, even if no one is talking about god at all.

Hey, it’s not me. God makes the rules.

God makes the voices in my head tell me what God wants. Oddly enough (or should I say Godly enough, he he), God has a lote more rules for you and your trouble-makin’ sisters than for us simple guys.

I think it’s economic. With all that extra plumbing, you women are high maintenance items, and you gotta keep all the, er, drains, cleaned. BUT, you can’t use a snake to ream them out, because, well, um, they um, spoil the finish and ruin the pipes.

So God is real concerned about what goes in and out of them thar drains. Expecially in.

That’s why he sent Joe the Plumber last year.

God sure wants me to start a lot of fires.

Yeah, brother, get thee a Zippo.

It’s called a burnt offering.

Wait… You don’t have a son do you?

Bush senior was meant to be an arsonist. He just mininterpreted the “thousand points of light.”

Nope, but something tells me I need to obtain one just in case, now.

Holy Fuck No!!! With all the straw in here, you’ll burn the entire thread down.

I’ll just repost what I said in the IMHO thread, so this is from a man’s/husband POV on the matter:

I voted legal in all circumstances, even though I bend conservative, and I do think that minors attempting to get abortions should have to have their parents notified. It’s only fair, since they are likely going to have to pay for it in one way or another anyway.

My wife just had one recently, and I’m not certain how I felt/feel about it. We’ve already had three kids and we got pregnant in spite of birth control. She has a career and our kids are all out of diapers (15, 7, 4) and she was adamant that she simply didn’t want to go through having another baby at this juncture in her life.

I had no choice but to support her in her decision, as many doubts as it may have cast on my mind (and possibly my immortal soul). It’s her body, and even though we are married, there was no way I could try to “force” her not to have one.

The expense of paying for it came at an inconvenient time financially, but again…not my ultimate decision.

You guys have no idea how hard it was for me to totally accept her decision. There’s still remnants of Catholic programming in my brain that convince me via nightmares about my other children dying untimely deaths that give me pause.

Then I wake up and live another day, and so do they. It’s still kind of disturbing to me though. That could have been my first daughter, instead it’s a bundle of cells and smegma rolling around in a medical bag somewhere. It’s hard to reconcile.

I’m intrigued by the fact that you mentioned the financial aspect of it because it seems as if that was a factor- but considering the alternative (To raise the child) isn’t it cheaper?
I’m curious as to why that’s on the list of issues basically…

Yeah. That was a heavy post there, and yet, the part that jumped out for me the most was the financial comment. An abortion is somewhere between 350 and 650.

You will go past that in the first week of having a baby.

In one way, yes, we might. I’m firmly pro-choice, and I’ve worked as a clinic escort. A few times, the woman that I was escorting confided in me that she really didn’t want to have the abortion, that someone was pressuring her to do it. Read my second sentence again. Since I’m pro-choice, ethically, I was committed to helping her choose what she wanted to do. So, I sat the women down, and I talked to the more reasonable of the picketers, and asked if they had any resources for a woman who didn’t want to abort. One group did have those resources. I went back to the women, and informed them of the resources, and in a couple of instances, escorted the woman into the arms of the picketers that I had been trading insults with. I hated to validate their picketing, and I hated to think that they’d think that they’d won this round. But ethics is ethics.

Molly Ivins would be proud of you. Texas liberals are a bunch of baaaaaaad melonfarmers…

Don’t do heroin. What are you gonna do about it?

Send me some photographs of your body, and I will respond with appropriate instructions.

Oh, I fully understand that, but as I mentioned, she was on the pill so this was something of a surprise, and we had recently undergone some other financial difficulties and having to cough up the $500 for the procedure put us in a bit of a tight spot for a brief time. Call it bad timing. I meant the cost was a factor only in the short term. Obviously raising a child is far more expensive (and we already have three, so I’m well aware).


Don’t forget the maniacal laughter - it isn’t the same without it. Witness :

  • Now… now I am A GOD ! MUAHAHAHAHAHA !

See ? It just scans better.

ties arm off with rubber hose


Reads BrainGlutton’s instructions:

  1. Diet
  2. Excercise