andygirl – I think honesty is the best policy in this case. When you move in, make sure to bring an issue of Out Magazine or something to place nonchalantly. Then when you have a non-hectic moment, just say, “BTW just to let you know I’m a lesbian.”
How your roomies deal with that bit of information is up to them. Most folks should be fine with it, but some people may choose to change rooms. That’s their prerogative.
It’s quite possible you might end up rooming with other lesbians.
It’s also quite possible that you might end up in a relationship with one of your roomies. Having a lesbian for a roommate might be one thing; having to listen to two lovers in the same room might be a bit uncomfortable for some people, straight, lesbian, bi, or not.
I think you should just be honest and upfront with them. Not telling them straight away will only make it harder to tell them and create a situation where they might percieve your silence as dishonest or misleading.
Just try and avoid bluntness or anything that could lead to confontation. Just the facts ma’am in an open matter-of-fact way.
I think Baglady has the best idea. I do NOT think it is a good idea to wait a couple weeks to see if they will object to you! They will think you were hiding or lying or something. Be honest from the start. Make sure they are comfortable from the beginning - if for some reason they aren’t, it’s easier to switch roommates at the beginning of the year than a few weeks into.
My freshman year, during orientation, all us freshman in my dorm had a little meeting and we all introduced ourselves. It would probably be a good idea to say something like, “Hey, I’m andygirl, I’m from ________, I’m planning on majoring in _________, and by the way, I think it is important that you know that I am a lesbian.” Be low-key, but clear. Some small token, like rainbowy earrings, or a button, will let people know your orientation without being “in your face” about it.
I am straight, but during college, I roomed with gay people on two occasions. The first time, my housemate was a gay guy I had known the previous year (this was my second year), but he hadn’t come out until just before school had ended before summer, so I hadn’t heard - although I must admit that I had always thought he was gay. When I got to school in the fall, he was wearing a little necklace of rainbow beads. I wanted to be clear, and asked him if he was gay. Better to sound stupid than to have a misunderstanding with someone I was going to live with for the next 9 months! My fourth year of university, I roomed with a lesbian couple and their teenage daughter. They had stated that they were lesbians in their advertisement, so it was clear from the start, and made certain that I was comfortable before accepting me into their household.
I’m telling these stories because I want andygirl to know that it is definitely possible for gay people and straight people to live together with conflict. But only because there is no questioning and suspicion. Let your roommates know where you stand, and do what you can to ease any fears/confusion. But don’t hesitate to act if you feel that your rights are being trod upon. If you aren’t being respected, go straight to your Resident Assistant!
I don’t think it’s enough to leave hints. I think you need to discuss it. You’re obviously mature and secure enough to discuss it so why not? Any problems they have (if any) are theirs but these probs need to be addressed asap.
I’m sure at your school there will be some kind of support/social group for lesbians and gays. Ask them for advice…I’m sure it’s a question they deal with regularly.
If you wait to long and there is conflict or tension, it maybe very difficult to rearrange living arrangements until at least the end of the semester. It could be yucky to have the kind of tension that could make you feel uncomfortable at “home” in the dorm, coupled with the first semester at school on top of (assumption alert!) being away from your parents home for the first time.