I have a question that’s been plauging me for the past month. (And, of course, I ask right before I go to bed… eh, well, I’ll check back tomorrow.)
So… I’m a lesbian. I’m going to college in a month. Now, I’m going to have one, two, or three roomates. So… what’s the best way to inform this/these girl(s) that I play for the XX chromosone team?
It’s not that I’m going to use a rainbow flag as a pillowcase or bring in a big ol’ stream of sorority girls to have my way with… but I’m not gonna hide it, either.
allow me to do it for you. I will seduce these girls, and work all of my manly charms. then, you come right in and tell them that you are a lesbian. they will gladly pick your side over mine, and all will be well.
seriously though, i have wondered about this myself (How to tell my parnets that I’m a lesbian?!?). gradual, or right up front in your face? I’d have to say the latter. not just because of the band-aid removal similie, but also because gradual surprises them witha new thing each time, shock followed by shock by shock. not so good for trust.
I’m going to refer you here. A very wise woman wrote it and I posted it to my quotes page and refer to it often. It’s about parents, but I’m sure it could be adapted. Here it is:
My colleague at work is lesbian. She’s never told me this, I founf out in a roundabout way, just by evidence lying around. We’ve never directly spoken about either of our sexual orientation (I’m a straight guy, she’s a gay grrl), but I’m fairly certain that she knows I know, because she certainly hasn’t tried to hide her familiarity with homosexuality from me in any way.
So there ya go. Just be yourself, they’ll figure it out. No hiding or secrecy, but no outright blatant statements, probably should be fine.
Just be prepared to run into people like me, who seem to be completely oblivious to other people’s sexual orientation. Of course, I don’t care which way you swing and that could be the reason I don’t seem to pick up on clues. (shrug)
Ok that didn’t sound right. I don’t base my relationships or my thoughts about being friends with people based on their sexual orientation. So unless you are wrapped in a passionate embrace with a same sex partner or if you are talking about dating and having sex with someone of the same sex, then I seem to be pretty oblivious. It just isn’t an issue. I don’t know if it would have been if I when I was in college either.
Are women less uncomfortable with lesbians than men with gay guys?I would think maybe the opposite.nt in a living situatin as you describe.
As a man, I’m of course much more comfortable with lesbians that with the guys. And if you are an attractive lesbian, guys would still like to hang out with you. Not that I’ve ever neen close to either situation.
A friend in college had 2 gay roommmates. He found it very unpleasant that these guys were doing a little business on the side…
I would just be myself, and if they want to know they’ll ask you, if they find out fine, if not fine. Sexual orientation shouldn’t play a part in day to day life.
Check out your roommates first. What if one (or more) of them is a fundamentalist Baptist missionary? Your life would be bad enough just living with her (or them), let her know you are gay and you life will be a living hell.
I’d say wait a few weeks to get to know them, and let them get to know you as a person. By then you should have some clue as to whether there are any obvious problems, such as having a roomie who is opposed to anyone’s homosexuality for religious reasons. If that turns out to be the case, you may want to see if Student Life will accomodate a change of rooming arrangements.
Better still, let Student Life know now, before anything’s set. At least then they can try to not put you in a suite with somebody who headed the Baptist student group in high school.
Assuming that you don’t have any blatant bigotry problems to deal with, and if everything seems to be generally going well after a few weeks of rooming together, you come out to your roommates. I recommend doing this one at a time, if you’ve got several of them, because this keeps it from being quite as big a deal. (My opinion, anyway.) Do it first with the ones you think are most likely to keep a secret for a few days, because you’ll want to ask them to keep it to themselves until you’ve had a chance to talk to each one. And you’ll definitely want to make it clear that you’re not intending to hit on them, that that would be a bit incestuous for you.
Here’s my thoughts. I lived in Austin for a couple of years. That’s a little background for my story.
I went into the air force. I got out of the air force. I ended up staying in that area and worked at a retail store (office supply.) A couple of airmen (women) came in and I helped them with buying a computer. The one that was buying, who I liked talking to, was rather skinny and had a tomboyish look. She was cool. Most non-man-hating women are.
I carried their computer out to her truck for her, and low and behold, several lesbian stickers on the back of her truck. Now, they were all a dark dull gray color, to match the truck. There was the triangle, L7 and something else, I can’t remember.
So get some subdued (subdude?) stickers, put them on your vehicle, take your roommates out a lot in your vehicle, and if they ask, tell them. I asked that Airman what her coworkers thought, and she said that most didn’t know what it meant. I told her I lived in austin for a while, and am aware of those things. She thought it was cool I lived there.
Not hiding it, not promoting it blatantly. Gotta Love it.
Just tell them when you meet them and ask if they have any problem with your sexual orientation. If they do then you can work on straightening out your living arrangements.
Sounds like a great start for a porno movie. Then the dominatrix dorm mother drops in and gives all the girls a spanking…
Seriously, at that age many people are fairly new to sex and sexual orientation. Straight people may have experiences with the same sex, and gay people may try straight sex. At least you know where you stand. You seem to be going for an honest, but not in-your-face approach. If you are going to a public or non-religious affiliated school you may be able to state it in your dorm application. If not you may be living in the closet.
Just start with some icebreaker questions, like “What do you think of free trade?” and other topics in the news today. Then say “how do you feel about homosexuality?” If they are okay, you can say something like “good, because I play for the other team.” If they aren’t too fond of it, no need to tell them right away.
If they don’t like it, they can at least get to know you first and not instantly pass judgement before they find out.
btw, if you make any tapes, send me a copy ::wink wink::
I think the bumper stickers are a good idea. And perhaps some small symbol or token in your room. Nothing blatant, but some subtle thing. Then wait a few weeks to get to know these roommates, and then bring it up. Or not.
I think giving people visual clues is a good idea. It is not verbal, people can figure it out, and take their time getting used to it. Sometimes a person with an ambivalent feeling about gay people (or someone who has been sheltered from the concept of homosexuality) will not react well if the information is suddenly sprung upon them (“I’m gay - what do YOU think about that?”) But, they might easily be OK with it after they have time to let it seep in. Or, a better way of putting that would be - an ambivalent/sheltered person might stupidly blurt out something that would sound bad, maybe hurt your feelings, if they are “confronted” suddenly with the information. But given time to know you, and figure things out, they would probably find themselves totally OK with the whole concept, and with you.
I’ve found that 90% of the time, people figure it out
for themselves. I associate (and live) with a lot of lesbians, so it takes me about 2 minutes to spot one.
It may take others a few weeks. Anyway, this is the year
2000, and only the right-wing religious zealots seem to
give a damn. I say fuck 'em if they can’t take a joke,
and joke 'em if they can’t take a fuck.
I was in an… odd… mood. To say the least.