What about when people refer to their drivers license in the plural form?
“Yea, I lost 'em after that DUI last year but I’m s’posed to be getting 'em back next month.”
My common response is “How many are you getting?”
Stuposidly some people can’t pronounce screet or scrawberry. 
Moderator’s Notes: Kin we all go back to da humorous (or humorless, dapendin’ a-pon yer pint a view) obsuhvations of mangled diction? Dis forum ain’t da bestest place ta be debatin’ da validity of Ebonics as a language, or dialect.
And it most certainly is not the proper place for race discussions.
Oh fellatiate me…
Oooh, so does mine! Does she “worsh” the dishes in the “zink”?
(although I think “zink” may be a regional thing)
Others worth a smack on the back of the head:
“I seen that new Harry Potter movie.”
“Where are you at?”
“I don’t got no money,” or “I ain’t got no money.”
“I and my family are going on vacation.”
“Her and me are going to the mall.”
“Do you’s all want some Coke?”
Grrr…
The Meteorologist on our local TV station mispronounces a word which is both irritating and amusing. We play a game to count how many times she says “clouts” during the forecast. Also, when she really gets going she’ll start saying “Ahumm” at the start of every sentence.
Yu prolly don’ wanna, like, know’t Ah like thank’ve Arizona speakers.
We’re all like on the California thng, but with a Western drahl or whatever thrown in, yu know.
“Prolly” or “prawy” is the most annoying one for me.
Every time I hear our esteemed President talking about nukular weapons and/or power in some sort of major international forum I go completely mental.
I consider myself to have a pretty good grasp on the English language and I can’t anything wrong with this. What gives?
How about “wolf” being pronounced “woof”? So annoying.
Find. I can’t find anything wrong with this.
[sub]::just bow your head and say d’oh::[/sub]
In my part of the Ozarks, a plural group of people are sometimes referred to as “y’uns”. Example: “Where’r y’uns from?”
I can’t quite get used to “y’uns”, and I’ve lived here for nine years now.
Maybe the words are mispronounced because of alltimers disease.Hope you all feel astinine, would stick around but i gots to go warsh a sal-men.
A former housemate of mine used to use the phrase “for all intensive purposes.” I always figured the phrase should have been “for all intents and purposes.” Since there was no “dictionary of phrases” handily available, he refused to believe he might be wrong. (Who knows, maybe he’s right and I’m wrong.) This was also the guy who took great delight looking up alternative pronounciations in the dictionary and using them just to be different. A freak. Fun to be with but a freak nonetheless…
JOhn.
I knew a guy who used the word “atypical”, when the context that he used it in made it clear that he meant “stereotypical”. Even after it was pointed out, (with a damned dictionary and everything,) he blithely carried on with it, because it “seemed right” to him. Arrrrgh!
Also heard: “I really like scatological humour.”
Turns out he meant surreal, abstract comics like Emo Philips. When the word was defined for him, quoth the illiterate: “You’re shittin’ me, right?” No irony.
Fustrated. Don’t get me started.
My girlfriend insists that human placantae, ground oyster-shell, dessicated earthworm, and bat feces are all “excellent herbs.” When I start to froth at the mouth, she falls back on the Humpty-Dumpty defense: “When I use a word, it means just what I want it mean-- Nothing more, nothing less.” She also uses “lineral” in place of “linear,” and “carcerorgeric” for “carcinogenic.” She has a degree. Sometimes I think she got it from the Wizard.
Don’t get you started on written word’s what?
I have a friend that uses “Self-conceived” in the place of “Conceited.”
“So that guy gave birth to himself?!”
My Brother in law, who constantly lets the rest of the family know that he is a higher life-form than the rest of us because he has a degree, will bore you to death talking about dis and dat.
I just want to know what an “asterix” is, or an “asterict.” From what I’ve heard they can be used interchangably with an asterisk, but I can’t find either of them on the keyboard.
I had a former roommate who went to First Aid training, and then proudly told me she’d learned the Heimlich Remover.
I laughed until I peed, but she never understood why.