My former sophomore chemistry teacher married a girl who was in my graduating class, not that long after we were out of high school. Whether she was ever a student of his, and whether or not their romance started during the years she was in school or after graduation, I don’t know. But the fact remains that sometimes students and teachers do develop genuine feelings for one another.
Sure, I understand (and agree) that in some cases the imbalance of power alone is enough to make a relationship of this nature unacceptable. But sometimes it’s not. Not everyone who gets involved with a teacher or boss is a “victim” of abuse of said power. And not every 17 year old is a naive little girl incapable of understanding the consequences of her behavior.
If he’s single, if she’s not directly in his class, if he’s not of an age where the “dirty old man” factor is an issue, then what he did by getting involved with her may have been extremely unwise, but not necessarily as morally reprehensible as you seem to be taking it. For all you know, she lied to him and told him she was 18 and he foolishly took her at her word.
Given that this is someone you’ve been close with at one time, and given that she seems to be taking the brunt of the backlash, I think you ought to call her and offer your support. I’m sure she’d appreciate hearing from an old friend, and knowing that there are people out there who aren’t passing judgment on her without all the facts.
He is married, she was in his class last year, almost 40 does seem way too old for a seventeen year old (and no, I’m not saying that 40 is old in general, it just is in this circumstance.) Also, I know that he did know that she wasn’t 18.
Yeah, I’d have to say that a 40 year old man having an extramarital affair with a girl he knew to be underage, who was a student of his no less, is pretty reprehensible.
Give your friend a call. She probably really needs you right now. And who knows, in the process of reconnecting, perhaps she’ll make you feel better about all this, too.