I enjoy walking along a river path through a park near my home in the mornings. It’s a pleasant way to get some exercise and walk off the beer from the night before.
But today, as I am making my way along the river, the annual Renaissance Faire is in the park and a large orange barrier fence (very Elizabeathan) is blocking the path so that dorks in velvet and lace may prance about and speak in words ending in -eth.
As I approach the fence to see if I can just pass through, a pasty individual wearing a Star Trek Security T-Shirt (also, very Elizabeathan) tells me that this part of the park is closed for the event.
“But this is a public park and a public path,” I reason.
“Sorry. Go around.”
“But I don’t want to go around. If I go around then I have to go out of my way and cross a street with heavy traffic. I prefer to walk along the river, and my walking along the river isn’t going to prevent anyone from enjoying their friggin Maypole dance.”
“Sorry. Go around.”
What I wanted to do next was to grab that mutton leg from Henry the VIII over there and cram it up Worf’s Klingon ass.
In NYC, they’re always closing down this street or that part of the park for various reasons. I agree it’s annoying. Oh well, at least it’s more interesting to see people shooting a movie or music video than engaging in a rennaissance fair. I feel your pain, buddy.
Been here about a year. But was born in Kennewick before moving away with my family when I was two.
Anyway. I don’t have a problem with them having their event in the park and charging admission. But there wasn’t any reason to block the path. They could have just as easily ran the fence along the path.
As moral outages go, this ranks far below Hooters taking chicken pasta salad off their menu, but it pissed me off just the same.
There is nothing and I mean nothing lamer than a Renaissance Faire. In case you were about to ask, I am old enough to remember disco and I have seen country line dancing. Everyone running around sounding like they’re doing horrible Monty Python impressions while standing in line to spend $7.00 for a churro. Crappy puppet shows. Mundane juggling acts. Never have I seen a bigger bunch of affected jack asses. Gah!
I think any sort of SciFi convention, whether its Trek, Star Wars, Xena, or whatever would be the lamest. And I actually like sci-fi. Dressing up in costumes for anything other than Halloween is pretty much for dorks.
JonScribe - What would have been really funny if you had picked up a broadsword length stick (or even an actual broadsword), charged screaming into the Faire like the freakin Khights of Nee(sp?), and started bashing people about the face and head.
Bonus points if you then run into the nearest church, temple, or mosque screaming “SANCTUARY!!! SANC-TU-AAAR-YYYY!!!”
You’re a fucking genius, andros. Here I’ve been hauling my ass down to Agoura every year for the last 20 years to the Renfair, hating every minute of it when all I had to do was stay home. Damn, I already bought my tickets for this year’s Faire too. Well, at least this is the last time I’ll have to grit my teeth through another Fair. You’ve changed my life.
Here’s a thought for you: Kisseth my Ren Faire hating, Ye Olde arse whilst thou spendeth $10 at yon Snow Cone booth.
Hey, I don’t make the rules. I just follow them. Fancy black-tie clothes, suits, etc are not costumes. Mimes are always dorks. Clowns aren’t that cool either, but their outfit can be considered ‘work clothes’, not a costume.
Here’s a thought for you: Kisseth my Ren Faire hating, Ye Olde arse:
Well gee, Hajaro, it sure sounded like someone had a gun to your head and was forcing you to put up with all the icky renfair shit. And it sure sounded like renfairs seriously affect your life.
Or were you just taking an opportunity to ridicule others for no reason?
On re-reading the OP, I am struck by how lousy that Ren Faire must have been. How do I know? A Faire employee was dressed in a Star Trek uniform. An employee was dressed in a Star Trek uniform. At any decent Ren Faire, showing up in a ST costume gets you scorn, derision, and an occasional beating. The people running that faire are clearly a bunch of fucking amateurs.
Of course, there hasn’t been a really good Ren Faire since the original Renaissance Pleasure Faire had to move because developers wanted to turn Black Point Forest into a condominium, and they weren’t about to let anything like commonsense (hello! You want to build a golf course on a flood plain, you assholes. Good luck finding the tee under three feet of water!) or the will of the voters (how much did that city council cost you, anyway?) stand in their way.
