Let out your elitist self

The BBQ Pit
1

I’ll go first. I admit these put me in the ranks of snobs.

  1. If you can’t understand what “double Jumbo Jack” means because you don’t have button that says exactly that, and if you can’t make the connection to “extra meat”, then get used to this job, because if you’re luck you can one day make shift leader. If you’re lucky.

  2. If you can’t name the operating system on your computer, then there’s no point in calling the tech radio show to learn how to remove the malware that you installed, because technical details just aren’t your strong point.

  3. I know you’re the person on the “tech support line”, but if you tell me that my 802.11B wifi card is incompatible with your 802.11G supporting router/gateway, then I will pretty much disregard whatever you’re saying in general. And no, your recommendations weren’t needed. I got it fixed. Are they just hiring at random for these positions? According to my previous experience, that’s close to the truth.

2

The elitist in me says I don’t know what the fuck a “double Jumbo Jack” is, get a real job and go buy a meal at a nice restaurant.

Am I the only one who thinks it sounds like some type of porn move?

3

  1. The only public places where flip-flops are appropriate are beaches and pools.

  2. Why do I imagine that most of the people crowding into a casino (to which my work brings me, much to my dismay) at 10:00 am on a Wednesday probably don’t have jobs?

  3. Tattoos are ugly and gross.

  4. Get off my damn lawn!!

4

It’s just the trade name of the standard burger at Jack In The Box. I kinda thought those were all over.

5

Dear Asshat from work tonight:

The answer to the question you asked me is, “Because computers are stupid and they only say what they’re programmed to say.” I stumbled trying to come up with some other answer for your question because, frankly, as stupid as they are, they’re still smarter than you.

6

Never been to one, it does sound like something the employees should know at least. What pisses me off at those types of places is when you ask about a special and they have to lean out and read it on the board. I can read the sign Dumbass! I thought you might have some insider fucking information. Not elitist maybe but bloody irritating.

7

That long thing with a blade on the end and fits into the oarlock? That’s an oar.
The thing that has a blade on the end and you hold with both hands? That’s a paddle.
Please call them what they are; the terms are not interchangeable.

When you sit on the raft tube like you’re riding a horse, you are already halfway out of the boat. You’re fat and it hurts my back to pull you back in.

I don’t know, or care, how deep the river is.

I’ve never seen one of those really big rocks fall.

Yes, you really do have to pee in the river and poop in a box and we’re bringing it with us.

You have to wear your life jacket all the time; it’s the law. I don’t fucking care how strong of a swimmer you were in High School.

Those depressions that form in the rapids? They’re called ‘holes’; if you call them ‘hydraulics’, I’ll tell everyone that you are a pompous douchebag, behind your back.

We’re out here to have fun. If someone is scared, they are not having fun. If you make fun of someone because they are scared, I hope you inhale lots of brown water.

Wow, I feel better now. :slight_smile:

8

Note to my husband’s BIL:

You do not call the worker at Best Buy, “homey”, you PhD prepared, ignorant sad sack of a man. Said worker is NOT stupid, you are, due to see below.

You cannot go into said Best Buy and expect to purchase a GameBoy for your 5 year old son if you call it “something to do when he’s in the car.” Also, please note that GameBoys are not for retail sale anymore. What you want is a DS. Go get a GameBoy at Gamestop or similar.

No, SIL, there is no reason to be afraid in the Target next to Best Buy. Really. Despite what you claim, you were not the only white person in the store. And guess what? Black people like Target bargains/clothes/household goods just like you do.
Family birthday parties are such fun, no?

NO.

(I realize this isn’t elitist, but I feel better now).

9

Your TV costs more than my car, please set the aspect ratio so that it doesn’t stretch everything. How the Hell can you not notice that?

I don’t recognize or care about the telegenic murdered/missing white girl of-the-week who you seem to be on a first name basis with.

Cut up candy bars are not ingredients in ‘home-made’ foods.

A truck with Cadillac or Lincoln written on the back is not a luxury vehicle.

I am not impressed by your show cows. For that matter, I will not be impressed by the size of your herd of cattle or other livestock.

Adults who cringe at 4 letter words or avoid movies featuring them are weaklings unfit to interact with the rest of us.

Adults who read children’s literature exclusively are semi-literate, creepy and pathetic. Ditto for children’s movies.

That Jesus fish on your car is a helpful reminder that I must never attempt to talk to you about anything besides your kids, your show cows, your bad attempts at cooking, or children’s entertainment.

Fuck sports.

10

People who regularly eat at the Golden Corral are what’s wrong with America.

11

Now THAT’S an elitist, self centered rant.

12

If the food in question is ice cream, and the candy bars in question are Milky Ways, then yes, yes they ARE.

13

Time to let the rabid banty roosters loose from the back forty.

14

Allow me to expand:

Sports are a complete glorification of the physical over the intellectual. Fine enough if you can only admit it, but when I see books about how “Zen” golf is or the genius necessary to understand the physics of throwing a baseball, it is to puke. Also, whenever you’re talking about sports with (a) friend(s), you sound like a frat-boy idiot. Doesn’t matter if you’ve got a PhD. in advanced combinatorics. You still come off like a tool. And the only thing that sounds more stupid than people talking about sports is athletes talking about the game they just played. And the only thing that sounds more stupid than that is 50,000 mouth-breathing fans cheering drunkenly in a stadium.

Which reminds me: anyone who’s belonged to a fraternity or sorority is at least partly pathetic and worthy of ridicule.

15

Yes, when I worked at AOL there was no requirement of technical experience for the tech support line.

16

Don’t forget how every sport is “like a chess match”. I do like sports though

17

At the government facility where I work, I am an elitist carpenter and I fix things for actual rocket scientists. When I shim a door that’s sticking, they say “how did you do that?”

I just say “it’s magic.”

They wander off muttering things like "Well, if the top hinge was pivoted 2.5 degrees, that might relieve tension on the upper side, but there would still be a slight drag on the swing which would result in a…

I just say, “I am done here gentlemen, have a pleasant afternoon”

18

Funny you say this, because I worked in a Target once in the racial melting pot that is Los Angeles, yet I couldn’t help notice our clientele was extremely white. Very, very few black or Hispanic people* ever set foot in that store. Wal-Mart’s another story, though.

*other than the people who worked there.

19

“Future farmer” is not an admirable aspiration. Farming is pretty much the last resort of those who are illiterate and have too many criminal convictions to get a real job. Anyone who wants to live in a rural environment is by definition a redneck.

If you’re one of those people who has never lived - not vacationed, lived - more than two states away from your hometown, I will have a hard time considering you a cultured person; this is doubly true if you are not from a major urban area.

If you don’t read the news every day, you’re willfully ignorant. I don’t care if you thumb through the front section of a major newspaper or click through Google News. Reading must be involved. The Bumblefuck Town Crier does not count as a major newspaper.

If you can’t give a basic seventh-grade level explanation of how the federal government works (ie, the balance of powers, electoral college, checks and balances) and name at least one of your congressional representatives, I will not take anything you say about politics seriously.

If you spend more time watching TV than reading, I will have a hard time respecting you.

Herbs, crystals, chakras, auras, meditation, prayer, intelligent design, and anything relating to whatever your flavor of religion is, to me, all the exact same worthless woo-woo bullshit.

No, you are not hypersensitive to electromagnetic radiation. Wifi does not give you a headache, and you are an idiot for claiming so. I know this because I have studied science. You have not, you have studied the aforementioned woo-woo bullshit.

20

Tech support is a waste of my time, i find google to be more useful and interactive and at least i can supply high quality music while i solve my problems.

Okay so i use 4 letter words more often then not, but that doesn’t mean I’m unintelligent, I’m merely lowering my esteemed self to a level at which you will comprehend and possibly understand.

666 is a series of numbers, nothing more nothing less, now can you quit wasting my time with devil theories.

If you are walking in front of me do not turn around suddenly, it gives me an unfortunate urge to go whoops and shoulder you out of my way bodily.

Okay so you put a woofer in that junkmobile, play it at its top volume so i watch the car do a grotesque dance involving falling to pieces.

I don’t care if you have an incontinent dog, as long as it keeps the hell away from my shoes, dog waste is only marginally better then cat waste.

Football is for people who already are a couple of marbles short of a full collection.

Satellite is for those to cheap to get cable, and if your internet can’t download a full game in less then 10 minutes its too slow by half.

Hope i’m not drooling, for some reason that came out a little more rabid then intended… which is to say it probably fits the topic if only just…