Let me get things started by saying I never, ever need to see another commercial with Santa Claus in it. And even more than I don’t need that, I don’t need to see any commercials where Santa is suddenly buying his presents at a department store or Best Buy or whatever. No more cutesy ads where elves are lined up at a soup kitchen or Santa is at the beach because, you know what? Now he just gets all of his presents at Kay goddamned jewelers. It’s been done. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and realize that all the Santa commercials have been done. When the extremely kickable pigtailed girl said “I gave him CHEESE!” the genre was officially dead and ready for cremation. Please put the festering corpse of the concept into the incinerator, and now.
And while we’re at it, please, please, please stop with the shitty Christmas comedies. I don’t need to see Owen Wilson or Jason Segal as a goddamned elf this year, not even in a trailer. Just stop it. Seriously, people, stop SEEING shitty Christmas movies or they will keep making them.
Oh, and stop making crappy novelty “Can you believe who made a Christmas album” Christmas albums. No, I don’t think it’s brilliant that It’s a Slayer Christmas can now be downloaded from iTunes. Just because some washed up rock star decided to turn a quick buck by cranking out some Xmas classics doesn’t make it a must-have-this-Christmas. This includes Bob Dylan. Also, if you have any love for music and humanity, and are a radio station, stop playing that Bruce Springsteen version of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.”
And let me lodge a complaint about anybody who gets upset because somebody does, or does not, wish them a Merry Christmas. If you can’t stand bland seasonal pleasantries, just stay home from Halloween through Groundhog’s Day. And if you can’t stand to get offered a more generic and inclusive Happy Holidays, then I hope you get nothing but coal and divorce papers this holiday. And maybe a dose of Anthrax. Nobody owes you a goddamned Merry Christmas.
There are much, much worse things in our world to be upset about. Like commercials with Santa Claus using his iPhone to order all of his presents from Amazon.com and deliver with UPS. Or that inevitable movie where Will Arnett plays an incompetent burglar who shanghais Santa on Christmas Eve and learns the true meaning of Christmas.
My husband has a deep emotional need to see every damned one of those shitty Xmas movies. I won’t call them comedies, because that would imply that they’re funny, which they are NOT. It’s painfully obvious to me, but not to Himself, that these movies were made to squeeze every last dollar out of movie viewers, and usually feature actors, writers, and ideas that long ago should have been put out to pasture.
I don’t mind that they’re being broadcast so much as I mind the fact that my husband wants to watch them, even the ones that he’s seen before, even the ones that he’s seen before THIS YEAR.
I don’t want to go out and shop at 2 AM on Black Friday ever. I don’t want to deal with it, and if i can’t get it on Amazon or some other shopping site, you’re just going to have to wait until after christmas.
I’m also tired of Christmas starting before Halloween, and i’m either going to give up celebrating, or start putting up a Festivus Pole, and i hate going into any place and hearing CAROLS before THANKSGIVING.
I hate that everything (besides Walgreens) is closed that day! Maybe I want to buy food or go places. Maybe I Want to watch Jay Leno-he makes enough money-make him work that night!
I don’t want people to buy chia pets.
I don’t like the color red.
I don’t like the yule log!
Jesus is NOT the reason for the season-its a pagan tradition the ‘church’ coopted.
:mad:
Please, please, please don’t tell me I “should” celebrate Christmas. I don’t have any kind of anger against people who do, I will happily attend Christmas parties and give gifts (I love parties and gifts!), I will smile and say thanks when a stranger wishes me a “Merry Christmas”, but when it comes up that I don’t celebrate Christmas on my own, the polite thing to do is to say “oh, okay” and let it go. Not to give me the third degree, not to act like I’ve just said I enjoy killing puppies in my spare time, and not to tell me about how Christmas is actually an “American holiday” and that in your opinion, Jews should therefore celebrate Christmas too.
IT’S NOT YOUR BUSINESS. STFU.
Thanks for your cooperation.
P.S. I also hate being called a Grinch, like I’m trying to ruin YOUR fun. Actually, no. YOU’RE the one up in my business about my personal beliefs and lack thereof. I’m just trying to be left alone.
I hate that this bullshit started in the beginning of October. It’s not even goddamn HALLOWEEN yet and the xmas decorations keep coming out earlier and earlier. Before you know it we’ll see 4th of July/Pre-Holiday sales.
And don’t fucking say “Happy Holidays” when I KNOW you mean “Merry Christmas”. If you want to wish me a Happy Hannukkah just fucking say it! Or a Kwazy Kwanza. Or a Solemn Ramadan. But I know you never mean any of those holidays, just Christmas.
WHY aren’t there any Thanksgiving tunes? With all the hullaballo surrounding it there should be at least a catchy tune.
No I am not putting up a Christmas tree. No I don’t have to have a Christmas tree. I don’t have kids at home to enjoy it, I have cats to destroy it.
I am not sending out dozens of christmas cards, so don’t get pissy when I don’t send you one. Oh and the one you send me, in the trash can.
I exchange presents with three people you are not one of them. I’ve told you all this so if you get me anything don’t expect a present in return. My gift money will be going to the food bank this year not Walmart for crap nobody needs.
Oh and screw the Yule log this year I’m burning the Christmas cds and dvds instead. (except for Die Hard and The Ref those are sacred).
Oi, can we wait until after Thanksgiving to bitch about Christmas already?
And on that note;
Fuck you ex-husband for saying “I thought we were doing holidays separately” when you find out that your daughter (who is hosting for the first time) invited both her parents (as well as her partner’s family) to Thanksgiving dinner. And then being a whiny dick-head when you’re corrected. Way to make your daughters feel like they have to choose. Deluded though I think they are, having us both there is important to them, so suck it up. Furthermore, you’re the one who decided to leave your family for the apparently greener pastures of your secretary. IMO that gives you no bitching rights whatsoever about anything. For fuck’s sake, your daughters have even welcomed the silly bitch (“silly bitch” because she’s stuck with you now hahaha). It’s been six years, get the fuck over yourself.
I spend Christmas Day with Airman’s family because it’s important to him and to them. That does not mean that I celebrate Christmas. I do not enjoy the onslaught of cheesy home-for-Christmas movies on television, the emotionally manipulative commercials that imply that I don’t love my family enough if I don’t spend hundreds of dollars I don’t have on stuff they don’t need (or want), or the aural assault of maudlin Christmas music in public spaces. I’m OK if you like these things; what you like and do has no bearing on me whatsoever.
I would also like to say that not celebrating Christmas doesn’t make me anti-Christian any more than not celebrating Hanukkah or Ramadan makes you anti-Semitic or anti-Muslim, so please stop treating me as if I just slapped you in the face when I tell you I don’t celebrate Christmas.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for the annual retreat into the Christmas-free Zone. See you on December 26.
Sister-in-law, please don’t call us at 10 pm, drunk as hell and all weepy about how you miss us because we’re estranged from your father and thus, by extension, from the family at the holidays.
In fact, please don’t ever call us at 10 pm, unless someone’s dead or injured or something equally bad. But please especially don’t call us when you’re drunk, like you did. In case you haven’t noticed, we don’t talk to you when you’re drunk. We’ve told you we’d rather not deal with you during those times.
And frankly, you may be all sad that you aren’t seeing us at Thanksgiving, but I’m thrilled that for only the second time in my marriage, I get to spend it with my family. I thought your father was a selfish dick for insisting on us spending every holiday with that side of the family, but I see some of his kids have gained a similarly entitled feeling about it.
Oh noes!! He gives his money to the poor, instead of to his middle-class friends! It’s almost like something Jesus would do (not that Christmas has anything to do with that socialist hippy bastard!) What a total asshole!!1!1one!
