I had an odd Egyptian roommate once who told me that a phrase that sounded like “Moose-ha-mama” was basically telling someone to suck your dick while a different phrase which sounded something like “Moose-a-suubray” was telling someone to kiss your ass.
Its never come up in polite conversation, so I can’t tell if its wrong or not.
Äitisi nai poroja!
Or, to the Finns, “Your mother copulates with reindeer!”
Never mind the docks and dolls, that’s just Google mistranslating words meaning “you”, “your”, etc.
Actually, the rest of that translation doesn’t look like it’s up to much, either. I’ll take a stab at it. A disclaimer, though - I’m a Norwegian speaker, but I’m not a Northerner, which is very much its own thing altogether (especially in the profanity department), and the thing is chock full of Northern Norwegian dialect forms, so I might not get very far.
*An attempt at a strictly literal translation (even though it’s doomed to fail):
*
"Curses! *[or rather “I’m so cursed!”, but meaning “I’m so angry!”] *The devil, what shit! Who the hell has invented this Satan’s worm works? It’s not Satan-burn-in-hell possible to cock with this for weeks. One has for the devil other things to do, than sitting there and cunting and balling *[not sure about that one, but it’s my best guess, feel free to correct it] *with the Satan’s mouse devil. Could you all the way inside your green-shoed devil’s ass *[again…best guess] *tell me what the point is of some iron scrap that’s standing there and whining and howling with a lot of hellish noise and flashing and flapping out of the devil, and passwords and wires and buttons that come squeezing out like the devil everywhere. If I just got a hold of one of you, you hellish cocklasts [a “last” being an object a cobbler uses to form a shoe, making this the form around which one makes a cock… the mother of all cocks, I suppose] tech support quack-quacks [I guess… could be something else, though], then I would for the devil have fucked you in the ass back to where you belong, Satan’s inside-out cunt’s horse’s cocks! Don’t come here and trick man’s shit onto people, and then tell me where to press, you devil’s pike’s cock. If it were up to me, you would be out on the Polar Sea wanking a seal’s cock, you cursed Southerner [yeah, "Southerner is an insult]… then you could sit and configure yourselves so out-of-hellishly far up your fucked-out asses that you would have to shit out of your ears the next time you had to go to the toilet, and when you’d finished doing that, I would personally come over and format your faces, and installed [at a loss here, I don’t what “skanken” means] in your *[not sure what “baillhånka” is either, but I think it could mean “crotch”] so that you’d piss red serial numbers. If there were still some life left in you after that, I would have plugged and plowed you so out-of-hellishly far inside the biggest asshole I have found. And then you would smell like man’s shit until you die. For the devil burning the furthest inside the hottest burned-out hell for Satan, let me just get a hold of one of you. I have for hell pulled the head off a haddock devil before. I will sweep the whole cursed shit back into the box and return it, for I for the devil don’t want it [for those of you who were taking an interest in the thread discussing gender in foreign languages: here the speaker is interestingly referring to the object in question first as feminine (sende ho i retur), then as masculine (vil fan ikkje ha han), in the same sentence - indicating that he is so pissed off that he no longer cares about proper grammar (well, assuming that he ever did in the first place, there’s plenty of other crazy shit going on here as well. But now I digress…)]. Then you can for hell sit there and jerk off alone in your hellish phone."
*
OK, let’s all take a deep breath and make some sense of that with a free idiomatic translation:
“I’m so pissed off! Fucking hell, this is all crap! Who the hell invented this piece of shit? I can’t spend my time fucking around with this shit for weeks. I have other things to do besides dicking around with this fucking mouse. Could you for fuck’s sake tell me what the point is of having this piece of iron scrap standing here whining and howling and making all this fucking noise, flashing and flapping like hell, with passwords and wires and buttons everywhere? If I could just get my hands on one of you fucking tech support dickheads, I would fuck you in the ass right back to where you belong! Don’t come here and trick people into buying this crap, and then tell me which button to press, you pike’s cock! If it were up to me, you fucking Southerner, you’d be out on the Polar Sea wanking a seal’s cock. Then you could sit there and configure yourselves so far up your asses that you would have to shit out of your ears the next time you had to go to the toilet. Then, when you were finished doing that, I would personally come over and format your faces, and then kick you in the balls until you were pissing red serial numbers. Then I would stuff you so far up the biggest asshole I could find that you would smell like shit for the rest of your lives. For fucks’ sake, let me just get a hold of one of you – I know how to pull the head off a fucking haddock! Now I’m going to stuff this whole fucking shit back into the box and return it, I don’t fucking want it anymore. Then you can all fucking sit there by yourselves and jerk off into your fucking phones!”
What the haddockcockflogging heck is he actually trying to say?
“Hello, tech support? I have a problem with my computer.”
I think the part about jerking off a seal’s cock is my favorite.
OK, that’s the gist of it, anyway. I know I have made mistakes, there are some parts I’m not sure about, and other parts are certainly open for interpretation. If someone with more expertise in Northern Norwegian swearing wants to chip in, that’d be great.
I’m pretty sure that’s done by anglophone comedians.
Honestly, I’m not sure what’s with this apparent obsession with Canadian French profanity. How is it more funny to have a tabernacle chalice than, say, a shit whore, like the French would say? Neither makes sense, it’s just a bunch of words that either have or used to have some sort of power to shock, which is why they started being used for this purpose.
Quebecois (not sure on some of the spelling so I will provide IPA equivalents):
merde /mard/ - shit
cul /ky:/ - ass
trou de cul /tru: də ky:/ - asshole
vieille vache /vjeg βaʃ/ - old cow
grosse pitoune /gros pitʊn/ - (not sure the meaning, “big animal” or something like that)
diche cul /dɪʃ ky:/ - ass kisser (lit. lick ass)
maudit diche cul /mʊdzi dɪʃ ky:/ - like “diche cul” but stronger
This is still my favorite in this thread. “Go to your ass” or “go to ass” cracks me up.
There are variations of this joke in other languages that have the informal/formal format. My Italian professor, of all people, told us a few off-color jokes along these lines that I cannot remember for the life of me. I suppose I don’t need to, as the specifics of the joke can be manipulated however we want without much effect on the humor; the punchline is important.
Huh, never knew the origins of “cabron,” I just knew growing up in LA that when someone called you “pinche cabron,” them was fighting words.
Are these pronounced the way they are spelled here? How does one say “Cambodian” in Thai?
Is schweinhund a curse word in German? How bad is it?
Pig dog - well, yeah you might hear it on a kids’ playground, but hardly fightin’ words unless you are very drunk and want to fight anyway.
Again, until this thread started, I never realized how boring and limited the average German’s cuss words are. I guess they are more used to arguing in a lively manner, and insults fly, and mostly people get really pissed off if you say they are stupid - and there are quite a few phrases to call people stupid that can cause a fight.
The Cambodians call themselves Khmer. Thais follow along, but since Thai does not have the R sound at the end of syllables, Thais pronounce it Khmen, “Kha-men” actually, as the K and M sounds cannot sound together, and there’s a slight rising tone on the second syllable.
In Yiddish I’m heard “khalere,” which means exactly what it looks like
In spanish- cojale=Fuck You
Quite a lot of people would recognize it as a Quebecois swearing. But I suspect that combining these weird swear words with a likely Quebecois accent would make many people laugh, even if the utterer is really pissed off 
I’ll admit I have no idea what you’re going for here.
Anyone out there know Turkish? A neighbor at the farmers market used to say “basa manelkha” a lot when he dropped stuff on his foot.